My 83 year old husband has dementia and spinal osteoarthritis. He keeps falling and is getting out of bed and falling. His doctor said he thinks it’s time. Currently we live in a continuum assisted living community. My two grown daughters think it’s the wrong time during COVID and that he will just be lying in bed by himself. I feel so sad and guilty but I am also very tired. Thanks
Even if there wasn’t covid, there is never a good time to go into a nursing home. It becomes an issue of necessity. Sooner or later, the decision ultimately comes down to what is the best thing for you and your husband. If you’re doctor thinks it’s time, they’re probably right
Let them know that their help is needed or you must look into a nursing home because the situation is more than you can do.
I wish you luck in your decisions
If not then they should have little to say in this matter.
The ONE guide I used is SAFETY
If it was no longer safe for HIM for me to care for him at home I would have made the difficult decision to place my Husband.
If it was no longer safe for ME to care for him at home I would have had to place him.
I never wanted to injure him while I was taking care of him and I never wanted to get hurt myself.
I got lucky and when he fell he did not hurt himself and I was able to call 911 to ask for a "Lift Assist"
When it became more difficult for me to get him up and out of bed he was on Hospice and with the equipment that I was able to get from them I never had a problem transferring him.
So..if there is any possibility that you would get hurt caring for your husband, (who would care for both of you at that point?) or if there is a possibility that he would get hurt the decision is really pretty clear.
Your option would be to have caregivers some in and help you when you need help. Mornings getting him out of bed? do you need help changing him? do you need help showering him? Would you need a whole day of help or a few hours each day. (personally you need a break from care-giving so at least 2 days a week you should have someone there all day so you you get a break.
And by the way he might not need "Skilled Nursing" he might do well in Memory Care
by Skilled Nursing, I assume you mean long term care or nursing home setting. Yes, even with dementia and fragility this can be where they are placed.
since you are in a continuum care residence, have you considered a memory care section and perhaps he needs to be in a wheelchair to prevent falls?
you might have a consultation with the director of memory care and see if that fits his situation better.
I would not let Covid define what happens. That will be here a long time. Yes you are tired and do not feel guilt for doing what just plain needs to be done. Your husband needs care and you can't provide it.
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