My mom is 81 years old and lives on her own. I use to feel close to her, up until about 2 years ago. She is not very affectionate and fusses and complains a lot. She lies a lot too and is rude, critical, and expects her kids to do so much for her. She is demanding and selfish too. I lived near her my whole life and decided to move to another town, 2.5 hours from her with my son. Just wanted to try something different. She has a history of mental illness and has bipolar tendencies and cannot control her tongue. If I speak how I feel, she hangs up the phone. I am always walking on egg shells with her and just decided it would stop. I feel I needed to start a different pattern in my relationship with her. My 5 other siblings know how difficult she is and just put up with it or don't call her, sometimes for a month at a time. It is sad because she is old and needs caring but I lost how I feel because she is just so mean all the time. I still have a dedication because she is my mom, but I just had to step back and reevaluate our whole relationship and really see it for what it is which is not that much anymore.
Some with mental illness manage it well with the right meds. Others don’t. Perhaps speaking to her doctors again to let them know how she’s behaving because they don’t see themselves how they are acting and even get mad at those who care the most. It’s hard. I feel for you. God bless you.