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I just recently feel the load of how much work I have done for her. I am not thanked or appreciated.

HUGS. Caregiving is very hard and is unsustainable.

What will you do about this?
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Reply to Southernwaver
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Elders tend to take for granted what their chipdren do for them, feeling its "owed" to them and they're entitled to it. Welcome to eldercare. I agree with S outhernwaver, what do you intend to do about this situation? Things only get worse as the loved one ages and thevailments pile up.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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One would wonder, then, why you, as a grown adult, have made the decision to continue doing something that is working so badly for your own life?
Can you tell us?

I welcome you as a new member. I can only hope you will stick around and you will soon learn that many have learned, here, to make different choices for their lives.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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I am trying to rethink the situation and find my own space to live in.
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Reply to joyofcolor
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Thank you for your responses. I do appreciate being able to ask the community about their experiences. I am working on solutions to not take her negative comments to heart.
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Reply to joyofcolor
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I did feel the same way, I put what I thought was boundaries down, but looking back I didn't do a good job, and could get manipulated .

Sence I've put my boundaries up things have been better, for me anyways. 😆, I'm sure mom misses her favorite tomatoes at her favorite farm stand but , she will live without them, and I don't worry about it anymore, or hold any guilt that , my poor mom has to eat store bought tomatos.

Also I told mom, which doctors appointment I will do and , someone else is going to have to do the others. This did NOT make mom happy. She recently had this huge secret stuff going on, and wouldnt tell me. I figured out she got new hearing aids and won't tell me. Lol because that's the one doctors I won't take her to.

So put your boundaries down, expect some push back and resentments from mom. Ignore it!!

I honestly got mom in the car one day, explained all I've done, for her and that without me , her health would never be as good as it is, and if she would even be here today, who knows. I also told her, her and dad got to enjoy their retirement, and that's exactly what I'm going to start doing from now on. It's only fair. She listened, didn't say much but she did listen.

I also think you should start thinking about the future, of how much you are willing to do and how much you aren't willing to do. And make it very clear with mom and family.

As for appreciation, don't expect much of that.

You are now the mom, mom is now the preteen 🤔.
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Reply to Anxietynacy
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Anxietynacy Oct 19, 2024
Joy , I would like to know more though, your moms age, health issues, do you live with her. Will help to give you a less generic type of answer
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I know how you feel. It's cruel and not fair. All you can do is set boundaries and not feel guilty about it. Mom needs to hire help and pay for it herself. Slavery was abolished after the Civil War.
Start looking into alternatives before you totally burn yourself out.
You deserve better. Stop being a caregiver slave and screwing your own life doing it.
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Reply to Dawn88
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joyofcolor, welcome to the forum. When you get a chance, please fill out your Profile page, that will give us a better understanding of your situation. One thing I noticed with my own elder parents was that they still viewed me as still being in my 30's and 40's with a lot of energy instead of being a senior citizen myself.


At the top of the page you will see a blue/green bar... click on the CARE TOPICS which has a lot of excellent articles. Feel free to write on the forum as much as you want, there are many of us current/former caregivers here to help you with this complex journey :)
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Reply to freqflyer
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