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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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joyofcolor, welcome to the forum. When you get a chance, please fill out your Profile page, that will give us a better understanding of your situation. One thing I noticed with my own elder parents was that they still viewed me as still being in my 30's and 40's with a lot of energy instead of being a senior citizen myself.
At the top of the page you will see a blue/green bar... click on the CARE TOPICS which has a lot of excellent articles. Feel free to write on the forum as much as you want, there are many of us current/former caregivers here to help you with this complex journey :)
I know how you feel. It's cruel and not fair. All you can do is set boundaries and not feel guilty about it. Mom needs to hire help and pay for it herself. Slavery was abolished after the Civil War. Start looking into alternatives before you totally burn yourself out. You deserve better. Stop being a caregiver slave and screwing your own life doing it.
One would wonder, then, why you, as a grown adult, have made the decision to continue doing something that is working so badly for your own life? Can you tell us?
I welcome you as a new member. I can only hope you will stick around and you will soon learn that many have learned, here, to make different choices for their lives.
I did feel the same way, I put what I thought was boundaries down, but looking back I didn't do a good job, and could get manipulated .
Sence I've put my boundaries up things have been better, for me anyways. 😆, I'm sure mom misses her favorite tomatoes at her favorite farm stand but , she will live without them, and I don't worry about it anymore, or hold any guilt that , my poor mom has to eat store bought tomatos.
Also I told mom, which doctors appointment I will do and , someone else is going to have to do the others. This did NOT make mom happy. She recently had this huge secret stuff going on, and wouldnt tell me. I figured out she got new hearing aids and won't tell me. Lol because that's the one doctors I won't take her to.
So put your boundaries down, expect some push back and resentments from mom. Ignore it!!
I honestly got mom in the car one day, explained all I've done, for her and that without me , her health would never be as good as it is, and if she would even be here today, who knows. I also told her, her and dad got to enjoy their retirement, and that's exactly what I'm going to start doing from now on. It's only fair. She listened, didn't say much but she did listen.
I also think you should start thinking about the future, of how much you are willing to do and how much you aren't willing to do. And make it very clear with mom and family.
Thank you for your responses. I do appreciate being able to ask the community about their experiences. I am working on solutions to not take her negative comments to heart.
Elders tend to take for granted what their chipdren do for them, feeling its "owed" to them and they're entitled to it. Welcome to eldercare. I agree with S outhernwaver, what do you intend to do about this situation? Things only get worse as the loved one ages and thevailments pile up.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
At the top of the page you will see a blue/green bar... click on the CARE TOPICS which has a lot of excellent articles. Feel free to write on the forum as much as you want, there are many of us current/former caregivers here to help you with this complex journey :)
Start looking into alternatives before you totally burn yourself out.
You deserve better. Stop being a caregiver slave and screwing your own life doing it.
Can you tell us?
I welcome you as a new member. I can only hope you will stick around and you will soon learn that many have learned, here, to make different choices for their lives.
Sence I've put my boundaries up things have been better, for me anyways. 😆, I'm sure mom misses her favorite tomatoes at her favorite farm stand but , she will live without them, and I don't worry about it anymore, or hold any guilt that , my poor mom has to eat store bought tomatos.
Also I told mom, which doctors appointment I will do and , someone else is going to have to do the others. This did NOT make mom happy. She recently had this huge secret stuff going on, and wouldnt tell me. I figured out she got new hearing aids and won't tell me. Lol because that's the one doctors I won't take her to.
So put your boundaries down, expect some push back and resentments from mom. Ignore it!!
I honestly got mom in the car one day, explained all I've done, for her and that without me , her health would never be as good as it is, and if she would even be here today, who knows. I also told her, her and dad got to enjoy their retirement, and that's exactly what I'm going to start doing from now on. It's only fair. She listened, didn't say much but she did listen.
I also think you should start thinking about the future, of how much you are willing to do and how much you aren't willing to do. And make it very clear with mom and family.
As for appreciation, don't expect much of that.
You are now the mom, mom is now the preteen 🤔.
What will you do about this?