I mentioned this before, been asking a lot of questions recently...
My mom (almost 80) is suffering from serious anxiety and has become obsessed with making sure the air conditioner is working. She has my dad (79 and in excellent health) adjusting it constantly. She has recently seen a psychiatric nurse practitioner who is going to work with her using CBT. Next appt isn't until 8/27. We have a CBT workbook coming focused on aging and anxiety. Mom refuses to take any anti depressants, her call she can still make decisions. She is quite lucid and her memory is fine, no hallucinating. She knows and has expressed she having acute fear and anxiety. It may be a precursor to more serious issues I'm aware but hopeful it's not.
My question is should my dad simply gently say, "honey I can't get up and down all night to adjust. It's working as it should. If you are cold pull up an extra blanket if you are warm take one off." Her thought process around this is irrational so I don't know if that will work. He's not getting any sleep.
We tried a little exercise today of name 3 things you can see, hear etc. I dont know if that will help at night. It will still keep him up but maybe will reduce the frequency. Other suggestions for redirecting? She doesn't do it herself so locking it etc is not a solution. He has obliged to keep her comfortable but it's out of control. Fibs won't work bc you can hear it turn on. And, she listens for it!
I am awaiting a call from our regional elder services for caregiver support referral for me and dad to help us navigate this and plan ahead. Options currently are basically as I see it, figure out how to manage it the best we can with guidance or hire in home companion care to give him respite at night. I get to come home, he's dealing with it all night and he is doing a great job reassuring her but I'm sure it's taking a toll.
We are not entertaining placement so no suggestions for that please. Dad and I are managing (he lives with her, I'm about 10 minutes away). If it gets worse or dad's health takes a turn things could change but for now we are hopeful to get stabilized again.
Thank you lovely people I hope for a peaceful evening for all.
Since she has obsessive thoughts about the thermostat at night, she may also benefit from medications to help her fall asleep and stay asleep - this is the realm of a sleep specialist.
the most common
- gad- generalised anxiety disorder constant worrying and tired/irritable/hot flushes out of breath
- phobias- which could include things like shortness of breathe- scary
- panic disorder - sudden feelings of terror - can be random but can also be triggered by something -
- obsessive compulsive disorder - disturbing thoughts that they can only control by doing repeated actions.
- post traumatic stress disorder - caused by a traumatic event - can emerge years later
sometimes caused by changes - health problems - ie pain
sone form of grief or loss
it’s quite extensive - apart from watching to see if there are any triggers to what generates the behaviour - or learning relaxation techniques - healthy eating and staying active to manage stress levels - maybe a little social interaction
Altho
the only real route is to speak to her doctor who can advise on techniques to manage the anxiety
and maybe find a way fir the doctor to address with your mother the need for a supplements. I would speak to her doctor
this is a common disorder - they must know how best to manage it
sometimes parents are too stubborn to listen to their children
maybe a quiet word with her doctor and see how best to manage it
keeping in mind your mothers dignity and independence
It’s not easy to admit you need help at times
Good news is she doesn't try to get up and change it herself. Dad is in charge of that.
I bought a little white noise machine that also has nature sounds which I've read are "pink noise" and good for cognition and seniors some preliminary reaesrch has shown. This may have the same effect as leaving the fan on continuously.
Great idea to keep the fan on continuously but she shot down that idea. But she did agree to the noise machine and we are going to pick out a "tone" to use tomorrow.
Dad said she's been better about it recently, they agree before they go to bed how it should be set and it stays. I still hear about it at least a dozen times during my daily visit. Are you too hot? Are you cold? Is it comfortable? Boy it's hot out. It's supposed to rain tomorrow. What is the AC set at again? Oh there it goes it just came on... Ad nauseum.. Ah well it could be worse.
Also she's agreed to try meds. Lexapro left her nauseous and with diahreaa. She has zero tolerance for distress so no go on that. She tried Remeron last night, she had nightmares and was terribly groggy today so she's going to reduce the dose. She knows she has to do something to get some relief. We shall see.
Some thermostats have a "fan" mode that can be turned on so air circulates even if the AC is in an "off" cycle. If she hears the fan that might help. Unless she is cold and wants the AC off. If that is the case can the thermostat be set by your dad's phone so he does not have to get up he can adjust with his phone.
The clothing mom wears might make a difference. It seems like items made with Polar Fleece type material not only keep a person warmer but since they are lighter in weight they may also feel cooler. You could try a shirt made of this type of material and see if it helps.
If he is 'in charge' of handling these things (fan, air conditioner, heater), then it seems that it is up to him. If she can fool around w them herself, you could / need to get a cover or something so she cannot adjust herself.
He shouldn't have to be 'dealing with it all night' - it will, as you say, take its toll on him. This is not a solution.
There is a lot of information on the web for thermastats. Don't know about air conditioners.
"Today, thermostats are required to be secured with passwords to ensure better access control and protect user privacy. Honeywell thermostats, specifically, allow you to set up passwords so that only authorized individuals can access the system."
Call the air conditioner company and/or PG & E .. google 'covers' as I just did.
Or / and - perhaps more / other caregiver / outside assistance is now needed.
Can she be locked in her room at nights? somehow not have access to these temperature devices? Get 'bells' on her bed - although this will still keep your dad / her husband up at night which needs to be avoided.
Let us know what you do.
Gena / Touch Matters
What works for me is to have the TV on at night, so I can fall asleep with that background noise. If I wake up during the night (bathroom run) and can't fall back to sleep, on comes the TV. Oh, hubby and I sleep in separate bedrooms as our sleep patterns and TV preference became very different as we aged (both are late 70's). Plus my snoring is like a freight train. Works great for us.
Does your Mom take any meds for blood pressure? I found taking the pills at night tends to have a calming affect for me.
"obsessed with making sure the air conditioner is working".
Any shortness of breath? COPD? Heart disease?
Maybe being able to feel the air move feels better or even *safer*?
(I've used a portable fan when short of breathe with a cold in summer. Don't think it helped.. but it felt better).
If you have ruled out medical cause, telling her to quit it & sleep has to be done. Dad needs his sleep!
Maybe then she will forget about it and get off this merry go round over the A/C working .