In-home care vs long term care facility?

My 71 year old husband was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Dementia 8 years and 6 months ago. For the first 3 years it wasn't terribly hard to take care of him. My 90 year old mother has Dementia but is actually doing quite well. Her Dementia is mild. She beat breast cancer a year ago and is remarkably healthy and able so she lives in an independent-living apartment at a retirement community. I visit her 3 times a week and take her shopping when she needs to go. I take her out to eat when she wants to and take her to Bible Study and church with me. When I moved her here she lived with us for the first 3 months and opened a joint bank account with me so we could take care of her finances together. I take her with us on vacations. I refill her medicine box every other week and take her to all her medical appointments and pick up all her medications at the pharmacy. She doesn't like the mail-in option. She is always very grateful for everything I do for her. My husband had been slowly getting worse after the 3rd year with Alzheimer’s and It was becoming increasingly difficult to take care of him. Then his mental and physical health declined rapidly while I was in the hospital for 6 days in October after spine surgery. I have come to the decision, with my children's agreement and support, that it is time for my husband to go into a long-term care facility. I just don't think I am capable of continuing the kind of care he now needs. His brother and sister-in-law, and a friend who lost her husband to Alzheimer's a couple of years ago, think I'm being selfish. They tell me all I need to do is ask the VA to allow more hours for his in-home health Aide. At present our HHA works with us 11 hours a week and is great with him. I could see if VA would approve more hours but that won't help me with seeing to his bathing needs, getting through the half hour I spend preparing him for the night and seeing him settled him down for sleep. More hours with an HHA wouldn't help when he wakes me up in the middle of the night knocking on his bedroom door because he doesn't know where he is or where I am. He thinks it is time to get up at 3:00 a.m. or 4:00 a.m. but doesn't know how to get out of his room. This is a new behavior that started about 2 weeks ago. The first night he did this it scared 10 years off my life because I was sound asleep and suddenly heard very loud knocking. I thought it was someone at the door even though it was 2:48 in the morning on my way to the front door I realized it was coming from his room. This has become a nightly habit. There are other things too that won't be changed by having more hours with a Home Health Aide. I am already struggling with guilt at the idea of putting him in a facility. Our children started telling me months ago that it is time. I told them I didn't think he was ready and didn't think I could do it. Now even my 15 year old granddaughter, who dearly lives her Papa, says it's time. I am confused and can't disagree with those who say it is selfish of me to "put him away" as they call it. I don't know what to say to them. I am glad I found this website. I have a feeling it is going to be a great help. I hope one of you can tell me what you say to people who tell you are not doing right by your loved one.