My fiancée is a private home caretaker. I'm posting this on her behalf. She's basically on call 24/7 for her former coworker's mom who was in a very severe car accident that has completely limited her mobility. I used to see my fiancée maybe every other week for 2-4 days, as she works as a live in nurse about an hour away from where we live. Now it's been almost a month since she's had an actual day off.
The last time I got to see her was a week ago, and only for about 2 hours. It wasn't even a day off. She went from being paid about $22+/hr, to $18/hr. She cooks, drives this woman to doctor's appointments, organizes their ungodly amount of storage (or hoarding you could probably call it) cleans the house, bathes her (she has severe eczema over about 75% of her body, so cleaning is non-stop) she's on call 24/7 and barely has time to herself.
The woman has two daughters who both work, one works for the state of Minnesota, the other works in a nursing home. I feel like this woman and her husband (whom I feel like my fiancée will also soon be taking care of due to his health issues) is being taken advantage of. She's being paid way less than what she agreed to, she never gets days off, she is just burnt out. I rarely even hear from her anymore.
Is she being taken advantage of? I should be able to see my partner. She has a life outside of this job. And she has even told me that the lady sometimes seems to forget she has a life outside of taking care of her. I miss my partner. She is looking into other jobs because it's been so hard for us to be apart like this. But she's had really bad luck with jobs. She was sexually harassed at her last job, and nothing was done. Her boss even texted her calling her the "C" word.
I don't mean for my question to come across as people who need help are bad, but I feel like I should be able to see my fiancée.
Also, if she works as a private hire (and not through an agency) she absolutely needs to have written contracts without exception.
She also needs to know that in almost every state there is no such thing as a "contract" caregiver... the IRS always considers them employees if they are working for only 1 client on their premises. This means her client needs to do withholding taxes and reporting, and issues her a W2 at the end of every year. She should be getting vacation time and OT.
She can check in her state's labor laws online.
I think your fiancée has already found the solution by looking for a new job. I don’t think she could ever be satisfied working for this woman. Her pay has been cut and she doesn’t have any time off.
Hopefully, your fiancée will find a new position soon. She should insist on having a contract stating exactly what her position will entail.
Best wishes to you and your fiancée.
You can only make your requests to her known. You cannot control her choice. She is working as a live in.
I think you can also be warned, if this is a job she intends to keep, that marriage would mean that you see little of her while she has this particular job. Again, that is HER choice.
Whether or not she is being "taken advantage of" is ALSO her decision to make, not yours.
It's best to start a marriage realizing that we each make our own individual decisions for our own life and our own needs, and then we make compromises for our relationship. Right now you have needs that are not being met. So that's the only question for you to discuss.
What I am telling you is that this isn't about THEM, other "others" who have hired your fiancée. It has nothing to do with them and has ALL to do with you and your gal.
This is now a matter of you speaking with her about YOUR needs, not about the irrelevant question of her employer. Let us pretend she is a rookie attorney hired by a law firm and is required to work 72 hours a week and returns home exhausted. The situation isn't ABOUT THE ATTORNEY'S OFFICE, but about the requirements of her job and what it robs you of.
So sit down. Every time you mention HER JOB smack yourself. Keep this about YOU.
1. I miss you
2. The requirements of your job keep you away from me
3. I don't know how long I can go on without ever seeing you
4.. Can you tell me if there is a time limit you will work in these circumstances? Have you any ideas of trying for another job that doesn't require you of this? Or is this what I will expect if we stay together--that I never see you.
Remember, she is happy. She has a job. She wants to stay there or she would have left, or told you she WILL be leaving.
This is about YOU. NOT about a job.
Best of luck. Stick to the real subject and you may get some answers, I just hope they are the answers you WANT, because the job couldn't care less about EITHER OF YOU. It only wants loyal work, constancy, and a good price. It isn't going to your wedding and is not invested in your future. NO JOB EVER IS> or WILL be.
I mean, why should they look for someone else when my fiancée is just so willing to give in to them and accept $18/hr? They know they won't find anyone else so I'm 99.9% positive they aren't looking for anyone else. I love her with all my heart. And I don't want to give her an ultimatum that either she leaves or I leave. She's the best thing to ever happen to me.
This. Zero incentive to change.
I learnt this the hard way (as do many many family caregivers). Why would someone look for other options, paid help, services etc if they have someone doing it already? Especially someone they like & trust, pay low fees or no fees!
It is up to your fiancee to sort out her own boundaries though.
To stand up for herself.
And I'm probably wrong but i just felt like I should say it
If your fiance is going to do this kind of work. She needs to find our her rights with her Local Labor board. She also needs to have a contract. How many hours a week she works and her pay. She also needs to find out who is responsible for payroll taxes. Like said, the IRS does not consider aides self-employed. Working under the table may benefit employer and employee but it means your finance is not earning credits for Social Security. No SS earnings, no Medicare. She may want to consider not being a live-in unless the family fully understands what that means. Right now, she is a paid slave.
My mother also forgot that I had a life outside of caregiving. But I was not her paid employee. The onus is on the employer to have a contract. However, your partner can draw up her own contract, outlining hours, wages and working conditions and ask whoever is paying her to sign it. And then walk if they refuse. Also, adding care of the husband should also be an absolute deal breaker.
I hope you let us know how things work out.