I've been taking care of my mother who sadly suffers from the monster Alzheimer's/dementia since the end of 2018. She has been bedridden since the end of 2019. I finally did, at the urging of her primary doctor, allow hospice to come in and aid me with daily tasks, such as changing and bathing her. These people have been in our lives two three times a week for nearly the past 3 years. All of them, not a few but all of them, have reported to me how remarkable they find it that my mother has never even had one bed sore. Long story short (and I will definitely answer any questions you might have and fill in any gaps if at all helpful), recently I was contacted by an investigator who said that they were contacted by APS to look into charges of elder neglect against my mother. I let the ivestigator come to my house and meet with me and talk to me and was also aware that she was going to talk to my adult son, who had at the time been living in our home as well, and also an old friend of mine who I had invited to stay and help me out a little bit too. I really never thought nothing more of it. Until about a month ago. The day all hell broke loose and it felt like a part of me died all over again. Let me back up a bit. On or around New Years Day of this year, my twin brother drove down from Atlanta and picked my mother up on the advice of this mystery APS worker I've yet to even meet! And literally drove her back up to stay with him in his home with his wife and child. I never got to even say goodbye to her. Even typing these words is almost unbearable. He said that he had basically not been threatened but made to believe very strongly that it was in the best interest of our mother to get her out of the house we lived in together, before she was removed legally! This is just all so ludicrous and mind blowing still! I feel like I'm in a nightmare I cannot wake up from. And I don't know where to turn or what to do. Sigh.
Fast forward from January 1, 2022 until the 3rd week of April, months after speaking w/ the police investigator. There's a knock at my door, then pounding. And subsequently I was literally dragged out with my shirt above my chest, in front of the whole neighborhood, slammed on top of a cop car (I cannot make this up!) And being told there's a warrant for my arrest! Finally, about 35-40 minutes later, and lots of screaming,crying, begging & pleading to no avail, on my part, I was told that I was being placed under arrest because a warrant had been issued on the charge of elderly neglect! A felony! I feel sick literally writing this. I honestly don't know how something could have gotten this far and how these charges could have even dealt with standing when so many people, the hospice team included except for probably one new CNA who I had never even really met or whoever made up this horrible life-changing lie that is resulted in my mother being taken from me, me being humiliated, put in the newspaper, and having to go to court to defend myself against the unthinkable. I even have a court date tomorrow.
Honestly, I guess I don't really even know what my question is. Other than.. Help. Somebody. Anybody. Please. Help me. In hindsight, I wish I had joined a forum like this a long time ago just to be able to still somehow.. ground myself, if that makes sense? The process of parenting my parent has been more difficult than anything I've ever been through in my life. I love my mother so very much and I mourn the loss of my momma, the momma that I knew. This horribly cruel disease, Alzheimer's, has taken her from me. And admittedly it's taking its toll. I've probably been suffering from some sort of clinical depression for a couple of years now. I just figured that was normal. I gave up a lot. My job, which gave me such a great deal of happiness. My relationship took the back burner, and then eventually took a hike. I had to put a lot of things on hold. But she's my momma. I love her so.
Please forgive my manic ramblings. -TIA
While this is a support forum, putting out details to anyone other than a spouse, therapist, doctor or lawyer might not be advisable. I wish you all support from them until the criminal case is resolved, and hope you come back to update when it is.
As others have said, I hope you have retained a lawyer. I also see where you haven't gotten into many detains here about what happened, which, I hope is one of the things your lawyer talked to you about...that the "anything you say can be used against you" also pertains to what you post on social media.
If the accusation against you in any way involved financial exploitation of your mom, then (if you haven't already) gather up all pertinent financial records that you may have and give them to your lawyer. Some people have a real problem with a caregiver using the patient's money to take care of the patient, including using that money for "non-caregiving" household bills, such as rent, utilities and food.
As much as you love your mom, should this case go in your favor, however tempting it might be, I would strongly advise against fighting to take mom back home with you after. Since clearly someone in mom's life has already made one successful APS complaint against you - no easy feat, by the way - there is nothing to stop them from doing this all over again.
Good luck.
With a court date tomorrow (today, now, where I am) it's a bit late for forum members to be asking questions or suggesting anything. You're going to need to get a decent night's sleep if you can, and rely on your team to get you through; and I can't see it will help for us to be chipping in our two cents apiece.
What I do hope is that getting this down in type and knowing you've been heard has been a relief? I join with PeggySue in wishing you all the best and especially a fair hearing.
Update us later if you can.
"I even have a court date tomorrow" seems a strange way to express the idea that you have a hearing, an arraignment, a trial?
As others have said, I hope you've engaged a good criminal defense attorney.
Firstly, I know that at this point you understand you need an attorney. And must have one by now given this all began in January and you were arrested in April, I believe?
I have a LOT of questions about this:
What EXACTLY are the charges against you?
You say you spoke with a police inspector AFTER you spoke with APS. What did the Police officer tell you about these charges? What was he accusing you of, asking you questions about?
What do they say in the charging documents that you have done or neglected to do? Is this about FINANCIAL or PHYSICAL abuse? The charge of neglect would seen to indicate physical neglect, and nothing financial?
Are you POA for your Mother legally? Or guardian or conservator?
Do you live in your mother's home? Or is she in yours? And what is the condition of said home.
If you are financial POA Have you kept meticulous records about any and all expenditures of your Mother's money keeping track of every penny in and every penny out of your mother's assets?
You say you gave up your job? When did you become without a job? And
How then have you been supporting yourself during this time?
It is very unusual to have Hospice for a period of three years. How have they qualified your Mom for that amount of time? Do these charges in any way include charges of fraudulent use of hospice services, or anything of the like?
Is Hospice willing to defend your treatment of your Mother if this is about physical abuse?
Most important questions I have for you is ...............Are you accused of FINANCIAL abuse of an elder or are you accused of PHYSICAL abuse of your Mother?
Welcome to Forum and so sorry it is under these sad circumstances, but we need a clue here as to what this is ALL ABOUT, and if you were interviewed already once by APS you must know what they were putting into question when they interviewed you.
I can only wish you luck. I think many on Forum have given care over a period of many years, and while I have over the last years read the occasional story of someone being reported (angry sibling or what have you) I have never heard of arrest on the Forum, so for me this is a first, and I surely do wonder what exactly they are charging you with in this case.