She has walked out of hotel room before, but I have a door alarm now. She rides in the car quite well. Trip would take at least 3 days each way. The trip is for a class reunion and to see family and friends. Air travel is not an option. Good idea or not?
I do hope you have a good time.
I know you will miss her but I am sure she will be much happier and you will have fewer worries.
Is this your reunion? Will you be able to "enjoy" your time with your friends the whole time?
If you're going to feel guilty about not taking her on the trip, find a caregiver who is licensed and bonded from a reputable in-home care to travel with you and babysit while you're at your reunion.
You can also place her in a rehab facility for the time period you'll be gone.
It isn't that you're embarrassed having to explain to your friends if your wife is with you, BUT it is harder on her!
Alzheimer's sufferers PANIC, become AGITATED and can hurt themself, you or anyone.
If she's incontenet, will you be attentive enough to help her before it becomes embarrassing for her?
The respite will be good for you.
So you would have to judge how she would do. Also, you would have to accept that you may have to cancel the trip part way there and return home.
I would be concerned about things along the way like restrooms, even if she can manage all that on her own, sometimes the ones at rest stops have more than one door. One opens to the outside, the other to the inside of the building. Not all rest stops have 'family' rooms.
If she is doing okay in her familiar surroundings she may not do as well in strange locations, 6+ hotels/motels is a lot of strange locations. Eating out all the time takes a toll on the healthiest of people, how are you going to make sure her meals are familiar?
If you do go, take a couple things from home that are familiar. Me, I always take my own pillow.
But respite care is probably the best for all - as this would be the last time these people see her so maybe leave their memory of her as they last saw her not the person she is now -
Then arrange for respite care occationally for you to get a break but also you may need to have her go into care full time at some point & this will tell you what sort of care she deals with best - think of it as research for optimizing her when/if the time comes when she is more than you can handle or if your own health issues become more acute & you need time to heal from an illness or accident -
Many caregivers neglect themselves as they are so focused on their LO but you can trip, fall or another car could hit you - by making these arrangements you are being loving in planning for 'what if' - as they say 'hope for the best but plan for the worst'
I wish you the best and I'm sure your classmates will understand.
The worry I would have is the Hotel and since you have a door alarm that would solve the wandering.
I am just wondering about the reunion.
How well will your wife do with all the people, the noise, the confusion and the late nights?
I know with my Husband he did much better if we kept a pretty strict schedule as to when he ate, when he went to bed. Going off schedule seemed to throw him off the next day. And if you have almost a week of "off schedule" how will she do?
Is this a reunion for her or for you?
If it is for you I would suggest putting her in Respite for the length of time you will be gone. You can fly so your trip would actually be shorter. I think you, after you get over the possible guilt that you will feel, will have a better time. You will not have to worry about your wife in a crowd, you will not have to worry if she will try to get out of the hotel room, there are a lot of other worries that will be eliminated.
If the reunion is hers will she actually benefit by attending the reunion? Will she know the people, if she is at all aware will she be embarrassed?
The trip for family and friends..if you do go to the reunion is it possible to leave her with family while you attend the reunion? If there is a small group of people that say they would love to see "Mrs Cpldutch" you might arrange a get together at a local breakfast spot and all meet for breakfast or brunch one morning. IF morning is a good time for her, it might have to be an afternoon if later in the day is better for her. Only you know when is her best time of day.
I hate to say it but no matter what you decide to do you will always have second thoughts. If she gets up set while you are there you will think you should have left her home, if she gets up set at home you will think she should have been with you.
As the facilitator of one of my support groups always says..."Don't should on yourself" You make what you think is the right decision at the time, just like you always made the right decision when it came to all the other decisions in your life. It was the right one at the time. Forget 20/20 hindsight.
If you decide to go, take all sort of items like coloring, comic books, video player and related movies along (whatever she enjoys doing). Also do not forget her favorite snacks. Road side food is usually not healthy and she may have a problem with digestion or other reasons.
She is not incontinent you say, but the start of incontinence is always unannounced and a big surprise in the most unlikely place. So better be prepared. Take along many change of clothing because soiling clothes is very easy.
Take along all the relevant medical information and enough supplies. You may end up staying longer than you planned. There is a lot more to consider, but that is a different subject to discuss if you eventually decide to go. In your shoes, and going just the two of you, I would not do it. But you maybe much more adventurous than I am.
Good luck.
Hope you do get respite care, and go yourself. If you have the right device, maybe you could hold and record a number of short sessions with her, talking to her about a series of people or small groups so she can reminisce a bit and you can show them when you’re there? Just a thought.
What a good reminder here, to use the safety door lock for our seniors! Petrifying to read some of the stories above!
God bless you, and her.
Before being diagnosed with Lewey Body dementia, my father enjoyed traveling eight hours to another state to see my sister. In early stage, after traveling four hours to see his grandson and family, he wanted to go home shortly after arriving and refused to spend the night - something we had agreed upon before starting the trip. That was the last long distance trip we took.
In mid-stage, he became combative and tried to open the car door while traveling down the freeway to a local doctor’s appointment. We were both extremely lucky that I had a caregiver in the backseat to help me, where he rode from thereon! In mid-winter, he was pouting because we had to go to his doctor’s appointment, so he laid down on the sidewalk in front of the building, refusing to enter! Ahhhh, the memories- not funny then, but I chuckle now when reminiscing!
So, after considering these things, you can make an informed decision on your most recent experiences. Would it be better for her to stay behind so she can maintain a routine and feel safe? Would she enjoy being in the midst of large groups and a lot of noise, participate in activities or conversation? Would she know/remember many of these people, or be overwhelmed because she can’t remember them? What would she feel more comfortable doing?
Someone mentioned on this sight that a parent got the door open while they were moving. My thought was put her in the backseat where you can put the child guards on for door and windows.
Maybe acquire a passenger for longer journeys? In the UK there are websites for people to advertise travel!
PS I take his majesty for outings about 3-4 times a week, because I really like driving and going places, and he still enjoys most of the experience - BUT i needed a holiday, and in July we both had a holiday for 2 weeks - he was in a care home, and I went 'on the road' to Scotland via Northumberland. It was fabulous! And he enjoyed his 'time out' from me!!!!
Take care XXXX
People are different, though. Perhaps, she would enjoy it. It's just that my LO and other dementia patients often get easily disoriented in new places, overwhelmed with lots of noise and strange people. The people may appear strange to her if she can't remember who they are, so, it's embarrassing and scary to them. What if your wife doesn't recall some of her old friends and family members? I'd consider if this is really something that she might enjoy or not. I had to remind myself to think of what my LO would enjoy with her new reality and not what she used to like so much.