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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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She also forgets that she has done things. My wife tells her--rather impatiently--that she did those things. We both know that it's the dementia, not her, but my wife gets frustrated about it.
You can just nod and smile or You can ask her more about the story she is telling. This is difficult for your wife seeing her mom decline like this. I do hope that there is a Support Group that she can go to. The Alzheimer's Association has a 24 hour phone line. Great for asking questions and asking for suggestions. If this is real frustrating for your wife I can tell you it does not get easier and if this is going to be difficult for her now is as good a time as any to begin looking for Memory Care facilities that she can move into. Or consider getting caregivers that can help out. An Adult Day Program may help as well as that will give your wife a break from her mom.
I second the comment that unless /until your wife finds other ways of coping, her frustration is only going to grow because her mom’s behaviors and memory are definitely going to get more challenging. No one can change this. But with the right kind of effort, it is possible for your wife to change her OWN perspective. It’s not easy and there will be setbacks. But the more she can truly accept what is, the better. One technique that sometimes helped me was telling myself “this is not my dad. This is a stranger with dementia. This visit is only going to last another hour” or whatever.
It truly is wearisome, as an earlier poster said. But they truly cannot help it; they have no idea they've told you the story 5, 50, or 500 times. Very sad.
My MIL would repeat stories ad infinitum. I think she knew she did, she just relished telling it again and again. When she would start in with " did I ever tell you..." and if you would try to nip it by saying " oh yes the time you left litte Ricky at the rest stop on vacation- that was so funny! " She would just launch into it again for the umpteenth time. We would just nod and smile. I think she must have been hanging on to what she could remember as it seemed there was so much she could not. But wow, yes it was trying. But in the big picure of annoying dementia things that was lower on the scale. But when you have to deal with it so often it it becomes quite wearisome.
You know her better than we do. I would myself be loathe to hurt her.
I just let my father, and my brother after him, tell the same old stories over and over and over and over again. I tried to enjoy them. Because I do it as well! But I will admit that when Dad died, I did laughingly say to my brother when we held our private "wake" over a glass or two hoisted (as Dad had asked we do as his service)--"WAIT! Does this mean no more stories of Aunt Lillie losing her purse at Butchart Gardens?"
And when my bro died I remember his beloved having said of him, when he started on a retelling of yet another favorite story: "Ah-AH! No more of that same tired story! I don't give frequent flyer miles". Because I knew I would miss that same-old, same-old.
I think we all have our stories, the ones we love. I fear we all tend to tell them way too often, and I sure do that HERE on this Forum; I know many members reach for their backrest stashes of bags in case of an unexpected upchuck. But there you are. Price of loving, I say. Small price to pay. We are all soon enough gone. Enjoy your time together.
Telling your MIL that she has already told you these stories will only upset her, and remind her that her brain is failing, so yes, just nod and smile. Your wife may need to better educate herself about the horrific disease of dementia, so she can better understand not only what is yet to come, but also to learn that she must now enter her mothers world as her mother can no longer enter hers. You both need to meet your mother/MIL where she is at, not where you'd like her to be. And know that she will only continue to get worse.
Just nod and smile, and get used to it. Either your wife learns patience or she places her mother in Assisted Living with Memory Care available on site. Dementia care is hard and requires a lot of patience and inner strength to deal with. Not everyone can deal with it. I know I couldn't.
If I Get Dementia
If I get dementia, I’d like my family, friends and Carers to hang this wish list up on the wall where I live. I want them to remember these things. 💛🤗💛🤗💛1. If I get dementia, I want my friends and family to embrace my reality.💛💛💛2. If I think my spouse is still alive, or if I think we’re visiting my parents for dinner, let me believe those things. I’ll be much happier for it.💛💛💛3. If I get dementia, don’t argue with me about what is true for me versus what is true for you.💛💛💛4. If I get dementia, and I am not sure who you are, do not take it personally. My timeline is confusing to me.💛💛💛5. If I get dementia, and can no longer use utensils, do not start feeding me. Instead, switch me to a finger-food diet, and see if I can still feed myself.💛💛💛6. If I get dementia, and I am sad or anxious, hold my hand and listen. Do not tell me that my feelings are unfounded.💛💛💛7. If I get dementia, I don’t want to be treated like a child. Talk to me like the adult that I am.💛💛💛8. If I get dementia, I still want to enjoy the things that I’ve always enjoyed. Help me find a way to exercise, read, and visit with friends.💛💛💛9. If I get dementia, ask me to tell you a story from my past.💛💛💛10. If I get dementia, and I become agitated, take the time to figure out what is bothering me.💛💛💛11. If I get dementia, treat me the way that you would want to be treated.💛💛💛12. If I get dementia, make sure that there are plenty of snacks for me in the house. Even now if I don’t eat I get angry, and if I have dementia, I may have trouble explaining what I need.💛💛💛13. If I get dementia, don’t talk about me as if I’m not in the room.💛💛💛14. If I get dementia, don’t feel guilty if you cannot care for me 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. It’s not your fault, and you’ve done your best. Find someone who can help you, or choose a great new place for me to live.💛💛💛15. If I get dementia, and I live in a dementia care community, please visit me often.💛💛💛16. If I get dementia, don’t act frustrated if I mix up names, events, or places. Take a deep breath. It’s not my fault.💛💛💛17. If I get dementia, make sure I always have my favorite music playing within earshot.💛💛💛18. If I get dementia, and I like to pick up items and carry them around, help me return those items to their original place.💛💛💛19. If I get dementia, don’t exclude me from parties and family gatherings.💛💛💛20. If I get dementia, know that I still like receiving hugs or handshakes.💛💛💛21. If I get dementia, remember that I am still the person you know and love,
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
or
You can ask her more about the story she is telling.
This is difficult for your wife seeing her mom decline like this.
I do hope that there is a Support Group that she can go to.
The Alzheimer's Association has a 24 hour phone line. Great for asking questions and asking for suggestions.
If this is real frustrating for your wife I can tell you it does not get easier and if this is going to be difficult for her now is as good a time as any to begin looking for Memory Care facilities that she can move into. Or consider getting caregivers that can help out. An Adult Day Program may help as well as that will give your wife a break from her mom.
But wow, yes it was trying. But in the big picure of annoying dementia things that was lower on the scale. But when you have to deal with it so often it it becomes quite wearisome.
I just let my father, and my brother after him, tell the same old stories over and over and over and over again. I tried to enjoy them. Because I do it as well!
But I will admit that when Dad died, I did laughingly say to my brother when we held our private "wake" over a glass or two hoisted (as Dad had asked we do as his service)--"WAIT! Does this mean no more stories of Aunt Lillie losing her purse at Butchart Gardens?"
And when my bro died I remember his beloved having said of him, when he started on a retelling of yet another favorite story: "Ah-AH! No more of that same tired story! I don't give frequent flyer miles". Because I knew I would miss that same-old, same-old.
I think we all have our stories, the ones we love. I fear we all tend to tell them way too often, and I sure do that HERE on this Forum; I know many members reach for their backrest stashes of bags in case of an unexpected upchuck.
But there you are. Price of loving, I say. Small price to pay. We are all soon enough gone.
Enjoy your time together.
Your wife may need to better educate herself about the horrific disease of dementia, so she can better understand not only what is yet to come, but also to learn that she must now enter her mothers world as her mother can no longer enter hers.
You both need to meet your mother/MIL where she is at, not where you'd like her to be. And know that she will only continue to get worse.
If I Get Dementia
If I get dementia, I’d like my family, friends and Carers to hang this wish list up on the wall where I live. I want them to remember these things.
💛🤗💛🤗💛1. If I get dementia, I want my friends and family to embrace my reality.💛💛💛2. If I think my spouse is still alive, or if I think we’re visiting my parents for dinner, let me believe those things. I’ll be much happier for it.💛💛💛3. If I get dementia, don’t argue with me about what is true for me versus what is true for you.💛💛💛4. If I get dementia, and I am not sure who you are, do not take it personally. My timeline is confusing to me.💛💛💛5. If I get dementia, and can no longer use utensils, do not start feeding me. Instead, switch me to a finger-food diet, and see if I can still feed myself.💛💛💛6. If I get dementia, and I am sad or anxious, hold my hand and listen. Do not tell me that my feelings are unfounded.💛💛💛7. If I get dementia, I don’t want to be treated like a child. Talk to me like the adult that I am.💛💛💛8. If I get dementia, I still want to enjoy the things that I’ve always enjoyed. Help me find a way to exercise, read, and visit with friends.💛💛💛9. If I get dementia, ask me to tell you a story from my past.💛💛💛10. If I get dementia, and I become agitated, take the time to figure out what is bothering me.💛💛💛11. If I get dementia, treat me the way that you would want to be treated.💛💛💛12. If I get dementia, make sure that there are plenty of snacks for me in the house. Even now if I don’t eat I get angry, and if I have dementia, I may have trouble explaining what I need.💛💛💛13. If I get dementia, don’t talk about me as if I’m not in the room.💛💛💛14. If I get dementia, don’t feel guilty if you cannot care for me 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. It’s not your fault, and you’ve done your best. Find someone who can help you, or choose a great new place for me to live.💛💛💛15. If I get dementia, and I live in a dementia care community, please visit me often.💛💛💛16. If I get dementia, don’t act frustrated if I mix up names, events, or places. Take a deep breath. It’s not my fault.💛💛💛17. If I get dementia, make sure I always have my favorite music playing within earshot.💛💛💛18. If I get dementia, and I like to pick up items and carry them around, help me return those items to their original place.💛💛💛19. If I get dementia, don’t exclude me from parties and family gatherings.💛💛💛20. If I get dementia, know that I still like receiving hugs or handshakes.💛💛💛21. If I get dementia, remember that I am still the person you know and love,