I am looking after my 85 year old. I live upstairs in her house. I do chores, take care of home related issues etc. It has been a win win for the two of us, and most of all she provides me with a home and I provide security and company. Recently she has been saying, " I want to give you this house..." Currently the house will be left to her siblings to sell and split. Not sure if I want to go down this path, since her siblings never see her. Because it comes down to money. Any first steps to take?I am currently 47. I would love to live here, it is the family home for over a hundred years. She is a rather difficult person, and is rather harsh to people, including family. I have no problems with her...and like I said, we get along. I was never a home owner, always rented. I am worried about the complications.
Some elderly people are so starved for attention and caring, that they start trusting strangers that are good to them, and unfortunately this is how unscrupulous individuals prey on the elderly, hoping for financial gain in the end. Clearly you are not one of those people and have done the right thing by seeking advice. I am glad to hear that you are family and I hope you do have the resources to maintain the family homestead should your Aunt decide to will it to you. I agree with everyone that has posted so far - enlisting the advice of an ElderLaw attorney (see additional reference material on this site under the Money& Legal tab) is the logical first step - ASAP. Bear in mind that if you are committed to looking after your Aunt, the job is going to get progressively harder as she ages, and her personality will most likely become more difficult and disgreeble as she becomes mentally or physically infirm. If you end up taking on the medical & financial POA's for her, just be sure you are up to the task. The AdvanceCareDirective is a crucial document, which should be discussed in great detail while your Aunt still has her wits - this would relieve you from many difficult medical decisions down the road, as she will have already dicated her wishes via this document. I would not hesitate to have other caregivers come in and give you respite in the home, especially for the personal care aspects, and the funds would come from your Aunt's assets if/when you become financial POA. You could also be paid for your services as POA-another point of discussion with the lawyer. Financial POA responsibility also requires that you keep very good records of how/where the money was spent for her benefit or her debts. Elder-caregiving could take over your life and possibly inhibit your own chances for personal happiness with marriage and a family (you would be hard pressed to find a woman who would be willing to commit herself to this lifestyle with you). She could live to 100 and that's 15 more years of your life and servitude. Please make sure you go into this with your eyes wide open. Best of luck to you, Matt.
(The other thought was, that if it goes to the siblings, the idea would be for them to sell and split the proceeds, right? So much for keeping it in the family, eh?)
Before taking this on, think of the expenses and other considerations. Do you intend to live and work there for awhile? Will you sell it and move upon her death? How will other family react if this is an ancestral homestead? Do you have the means to keep the house up? Do you have time and want to do so? Would it be better to sell the home and include as part of estate and have the will updated to include you as part of distribution?
You may want to additionally speak to attorney about compensation for your caregiving within reason and have a formal document outlying caregiving fees, your investment into the property expenses, etc. while you are at it.
Do this sooner than later so that your aunt is making a non-biased decision and it will be fair and honored at her death.
Good luck.