I was POA over my father for 4 years. It's been 2 yrs since he’s been in nursing home. My family voted me out via a healthcare proxy. The sibling here in Florida is taking over, and he doesn’t do anything about the care my father is receiving.
He’s aware the facility is not doing what they’re supposed to do, yet he allows it. The facility would rather have him in charge because he doesn’t place concerns or grievances. I’ve witnessed my father with injuries, sitting in his own urine, feces, not provided basic hygiene care, g tube not attended to, other residents doing things to him, etc. He got very ill due to the facility not containing the COVID germs, and he ended up in the hospital and almost died due to pneumonia. I could go on.
Family members who were not involved nor provided any support became angry at me, stating I didn’t communicate with them, but I’m the one providing for all his needs as they continued on with their lavish lives. Once he became near death, they all want to fly in and blame me when it was the progression of his illness. They voted and overrode my decision to place him on a g-tube against his will in the paperwork I have.
In a nutshell, they have taken over out of spite and are preventing the nursing home and the other providers from communicating with me. Can the healthcare proxy do this?
https://ahca.myflorida.com/contact-ahca/file-a-complaint
But do you mean that you were the POA and someone else was the healthcare proxy all along? Many families do this. Then you are kind of stuck and should see an attorney about challenging it. Of course you can always report the facility for negligence.
Are you saying that you have financial POA, and a different family member had Health POA?
If there is paperwork that your father did not want a G-tube, did/does the nursing home have that paperwork?
Regardless of who has the authority, if the nursing home has been providing substandard and negligent care, you can report them to whatever state agency has oversight of them.
I attended his appointments, the meetings on his behalf and had him until it became too much for me. When he started leaving the home while a care attendant was in place while I worked out of fear he’d get lost or hurt I had to place him in assisted living not a nursing home.
Assisted living I felt it would still allow him some independence were he felt like he still was in control. It worked for awhile, but the disease started progressing he stopped eating and list a lot of weight and was placed in another facility due to neglect from that facility and placed on a nursing home.
Whomever did this should NOT be in charge. We make these wishes known in writing, when of sound mind, to stop someone else from making these decisions on our behalf. If they did it, you should pursue guardianship, if you did it, sorry but, I fully understand them stepping in and pushing you out.
May The Lord be with your dad and your family. It is unfortunately very common for family feuds to break out over an end of life situation.
none of the siblings wanted to take him in they all had bigger homes and more lavish lifestyle than myself. I’m the only one who said I would take him. My Father stated he didn’t want to be on a feeding tube which was in the paperwork. He signed off on a DNR. He verbally told me he didn’t want to be in a Nursing home if he was dying he wanted to be in his own home which he doesn’t have. I would love to have him with me with help, but unfortunately my townhouse is inadequate for him and it’s too small.
The Healthcare proxy came in because the siblings who don’t reside here and the one that does argued the credibility of the POA which made PACE Partners (resource for the elderly) question my paperwork that they already had for over a year and was honoring it until the siblings brought trouble.
I was honoring my Fathers request. They are not. I tried to get him hospice at the Nursing home which he would receive more eyes on him when they didn’t do their job, but the siblings didn’t want that. PACE had a meeting in which their was a vote as well as the Nursing home and the siblings voted me out and for the only other sibling other than myself that resides in the state my Dad is in to be Healthcare proxy.
My Dads condition has worsened.
The Nursing home neglects his needs everytime I visit I see things aren’t appropriate. I have brought the attention to the one with the control yet he doesn’t believe me even when I provide photos. He has now informed the facilities to not communicate with me or provide me information. My Fathers care is worsening which means he’s suffering even more. This has caused me major stress which has caused my own autoimmune issues to flare because I feel powerless! I told him I would always be there for him as he did for me. I have been advocating for him since he’s been here and now no one will listen. I came to this forum for advice not to be continued gained up on or judged harshly. I can get that from 5 other siblings would are upset due to their own bad conscious because they didn’t support nor wanted him in their home. When he lived with me none of them offered support, asked if we needed anything or even just called me. Even if we agreed to disagree he is all our Father and it should have been about him not us.
I felt since I’m the only one who took him in at least they could of supported me and asked me if their was anything they could go to help or if I needed a break, but instead when they thought he was dead due to false information given to them by his ex wife they all flew in and berated, disrespected me. They were not educated on his disease and how it progressed. I did the best I could as I’ve never dealt with anything like this all the while trying to maintain my home, my own illness which was under control until they brought all the turmoil. I could go on but it’s pointless and it only stresses me more to think or talk about it. My Father deserves so much more. He raised us 6 and later help raise 5 more kids. He always worked. He did the best he could. He is a good man. It troubles me to see he suffer and deteriorate even faster due to he’s not getting the care he needs. I’m sicken because I feel I’m not heard and now no one will listen. I feel like I’m dying with him sometimes.
"I was POA over my father for 4 years. It's been 2 yrs since he’s been in nursing home. My family voted me out via a healthcare proxy. The sibling here in Florida is taking over, and he doesn’t do anything about the care my father is receiving."
Because, to me, this makes utter ZERO sense, I am afraid I can't answer for the legalities; there are too many pieces MISSING in your telling. I will refer you to an attorney of your choice for answers.
#1. No health care proxy has any ability to "vote you out". You cannot be removed as POA by anyone but the competent person who conferred it upon you or by a judge of the courts.
#2. No sibling "takes over POA" any other way but a competent parent appointing him as POA.
You next proceed to inform us:
"They voted and overrode my decision to place him on a g-tube against his will in the paperwork I have."
I have a bit of a hard time understanding this statement, but if the rest of the family knew he didn't want a G-tube, and that was in his directive (it sure is in MY OWN) and you overrode this wish of his, then shame on you, and thank goodness for his family coming in to have his wishes honored. YOU violated your POA if he had written he didn't want a g-tube. The POA acts FOR someone and IN ACCORDANCE with his wishes.
To be honest here, just on the face of what is written and assuring you that I think this was likely done LEGALLY and for the BEST by his family, I side with them in allowing this poor gentleman the peaceful death he wished for. I hope they have Hospice care in for him. He cannot take sustenance any longer and is in care; the trajectory is downward and living like this is, in the opinion of this retired RN, a torture.
I do not know what legal rights the family has brought in to act in your dad's behalf; I can only say I am glad they have done so. You have every right to seek legal representation in your own state; that wouldn't be us. We are just caregivers and ex-caregivers with an opinion. I wish you peace.
Anyone holding a Financial or Medical POA are not oblidged to give anyone information concerning the principle finances. Medical, just you and the doctors.
You are the principles representative and as such give out no info.
If you are the active PoA then you need to call that facility and demand to know why they are ignoring your legally assigned status as your Father's MPoA. Your family voted to place him? They never had this power, you had all the power. But they weren't interested in participating in his care, so unless you wanted to be all by yourself doing it, then leave him in the facility.
If you're not the FPoA, who is? You need to play nice with this person.
If you're not the current MPoA, then yes, the new one (if legally assigned) can block you if they think you are creating a stress or chaos in the situation that negatively impacts your Father's care and wellbeing. You can consult with a certified elder law attorney to sort through what your options are, since you seem unsure of the PoA issue and who does and does not have it.