Keeping it brief I hope. 91 yr old mom needs help getting to bed, but when I tuck her in she gets up 3-4 more times for water, a piece of bread, potty, etc. I feel she's afraid to go to sleep because she's afraid of dying alone. We're also dealing with sundowning. I know she's getting closer every day and hospice is coming to evaluate her for care. Hubs and I can't leave her alone and it's putting added stress on us. Should I just suck it up for whatever time she has left or are there things that have helped others that I might try?
You say that you "feel" she's afraid to go to sleep and to die alone, but perhaps it's you that has that fear and are projecting it on your mom. Just a thought.
If your moms care is getting to be too much for you, your husband and your marriage then you may have to look into placing her in the appropriate facility. Hospice can help you with that if needed.
I would start though with talking to her doctor about prescribing a medication that might help her sleep better.
I would discuss this with your mother's doctors to idea what to try. Some can be helped and some cannot.