My mother has moderate Alz. and lives with me. Her sister just died and she is afraid to go to the funeral because of the crowd. We've assured her we can just go for the family visitation and then leave but she is still very nervous and anxious and does not want to go. I don't want her to regret not going but I don't want to cause her distress. Should I just let her miss it?
What you can do is take Mom to the funeral visitation, maybe Mom will make a brave attempt to go inside. Keep reassuring her that you will be nearby in case she wants to leave, and you promise you will leave, not try to convince her to stay. If she knows there is an "out" she might go to the visitation, even if it is only 5 minutes. Even sitting in the car is a safe haven for her.
One thing, have Mom drink a bottle of water just before going, as dehydration can also mimic a panic attack. Some times just going into the funeral home bathroom when feeling panic will help as it becomes a distraction for Mom.