My in-laws live with us. My FIL was diagnosed with Alztheimers almost a year ago and it has progressed pretty quickly. He often doesn't know us, gets mad, thinks we are lying to him, etc. We are all dealing with it. Unfortunately, Mom walks around belying her fate and complaining about how terrible her life is now. She even says it right in front of Dad. She has always been pretty dramatic and likes to be the center of attention, but I really didn't see this coming. She refuses to go to any support groups. Any thoughts on how we can deal with her while dealing with him? Thanks
Probably the best you can hope for (and work toward) is that she does not interfere with your decisions about what is best for FIL. Someone has to be responsible for his care, and that sounds like it is up to you and your husband.
In her defense (a little bit) it IS terrible what her life has become. She is in a state of mourning for her losses, and her losses are great. Of course, that is true for their son and for you, too. Be grateful that you two are able to cope with this much better that she is. She is to be pitied.
No matter what "should" be happening, it doesn't sound like you can count on her much for FIL's care. Supplement your own efforts with in-home care as long as you are comfortable keeping him at home with you. Be aware that in most cases, dementia progresses to a point where home care is just not feasible.