I'm an only child. When my father died in 2006 she put me in his place as her "staff". She expects me to do as she directs, live where she wants and order my life and my husband's to fit her wishes. This has been a lifelong issue. She simply sees me as an extension of herself and refuses to grow up and make her own decisions. She 'tells' me what to do so she is never to be responsible for outcomes good/bad. I'm 66 an tired of her negativity, clinging and taking over all areas of my life. HELP!
Mother can expect anything she wants. She can expect the sun to come up in the west tomorrow and to win the powerball next week and that you will do as she directs. Expecting doesn't make it so.
She wants you to live down the block from her in East Podunk and you prefer a rural setting outside of North Harvesttown? Guess who gets to decide? The person you let decide.
Mother can expect and direct and want and wish all kinds of things. But all she really has control over is her own actions. And that is what you have control over -- your own actions.
If you decide to live where she tells you, that is your decision. It is not her power that is controlling where you live. It is your decision. Could you make a different decision and live somewhere else? Certainly.
You mother cannot live your life unless you let her. If you don't embrace your own decision-making power, then I don't think anything will improve while Mother is alive. But, hey, that's not likely to be more than, say, ten years, right? Do you want to wait until you are in your mid seventies to decide to live your own life? That's OK. But just realize that it is your decision to do that.
If this is a lifelong issue, then I can understand it will be very hard to just say no. But you really can decide to grow up and make your own decisions. Good luck!