When the caregiving ends, and if/when you meet new people, and make new friends, do you plan to talk about your caregiving experiences, such as sibling(s) not helping out, etc., or do you just plan to move ahead emotionally and try to forget about the negative aspects from your caregiving days? In addition, does anyone plan to move to another part of the country at some point for a fresh start when the caregiving ends? Any comments or suggestions?
The other thing that gets my goat is people who were caregivers for a couple of years who tell me (I had dad for 9 years and mom is 13 years+ and going strong) that I will miss doing the things I'm doing now for her. No, no I won't.
My dad died at 92 and I did everything I could to take good care of him. Mom will be 95 in a few days and I'm 64 myself. So when mom goes, I will know that she's had a good long life and was more than ready to go. I will NOT miss taking care of her. I'll remember her fondly, but I'll also know that I did everything in my power to take good care of her and that my caregiving is DONE. I will NOT miss it. I think maybe people who say those kinds of things feel guilty about what they didn't do for their folks, so they're projecting that stuff onto others. I do not and will not have that problem.
I've made peace with my brother's lack of support already, so I don't plan to bring that up, unless I meet another caregiver with a similar story. And I'm at peace with my caregiving decisions. I don't think 99% of people out there don't want to hear about it.
I find even former caregivers can be totally insensitive. I just had a friend who had a short-term intense bout of caregiving with both parents (who died within a year of each other) try to talk me into taking a 14 day trip to Italy. "Uhhhh, I have a 94 year old mom that I take care of, I CAN'T go". Duh!
If you feel you are in a rut, still reliving the negative aspects of caregiving, how about doing some volunteer work that will give you a lift and makes you feel better.
I plan to stay in my area [the Wash DC burbs] because I love the area, there is so much to do here, plus the medical care is outstanding. Lot of lovely retirement villages. Also the weather is pretty good... no crazy storms so far :)