My 59 year old husband has early onset Alzheimer's and primary progressive aphasia. He is so angry with me all the time.

1. If you are EVER afraid that he will harm you you MUST call 911 and tell the dispatcher that you are afraid for your safety.
You have to take care of yourself and keep yourself safe.

2. Call his doctors office tomorrow first thing and keep calling until you get hold of someone or someone calls you back. Tell them that you are afraid for your safety and that his outbursts are getting out of control.
There are medications that can help. The problem you might have though if he is paranoid is getting him to take medication.

3. This needs to get under control if he has to be placed in Memory Care, and it sounds like that might be the best option for you and your household, most facilities will not accept a resident that has a history of violence in the past 90 days. (some facilities the time might be more or less)

4. If your husband is a Veteran check with the VA there may be programs that might help and if some of his outbursts are related to his Service there may be more help for both of you. (a friends husband had PTSD and he had outbursts like this, although they were more verbal than physical)

Please call 911 each and every time you feel unsafe. Please leave if needed, as quietly as possible. Let his doctor know this has reached a point where you are not safe and cannot provide for his level of need. I’m so very sorry. It’s definitely time to look out for yourself

Your husband is more than likely mad at the fact that he knows he's losing his mind slowly but surely, and sadly he takes it out on the one he loves the most and that is you.
Please don't ever hesitate to call 911 if you ever feel unsafe in your home because of him.
This phase will more than likely pass, but with a broken brain there is always something to contend with.
I would definitely speak with his doctor ASAP about getting him on some kind of medication to help with his agitation, and then you probably need to start looking into placing him in the appropriate facility.
I hate to tell you but early onset Alzheimer's can go on for 20+ years, and you will not last that long at the rate you're going.
40% of caregivers caring for someone with dementia will die before the one they're caring for from stress related issues. Please don't be one of them.
You must now do what is best for not only your husband but also what is best for you, as you matter too in this equation.
I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. Please seek out a local caregiver support group that you can share with weekly as being able to share with others that are going through similar things as you is priceless.
And don't ever hesitate to come here to vent as you take this very difficult and trying journey with your husband.
God bless you.

My heart is aching for you as I read this.

I have a dear friend who just recently lost her husband to this same disease. And he also had to be placed in a NH because he became violent and abusive. I have known this man for more than 50 years and to hear about the complete 180 in personality and emotional instability was awful.

His wife, a friend of mine from Kindergarten--had to make the difficult choice to place him in care. She was no longer safe with him, and he was unable to speak coherently, so his anger would ramp up when she didn't understand him.

He died 4 weeks ago from pneumonia--I don't know his overall health when he was placed, but he was only 67.

It sounds as if this is what you're facing. My friend died a thousand deaths in the process of moving him, but she was safe--and she did admit, when he died, that she was 'grateful' in a way that he didn't live out 20 more years in care, not knowing who she was.

Don't take this personally. He truly has a broken brain and there is nothing you can do about it but accept that he is not the man you married and to look at him as a person you now must keep safe, and keep safe 'from'.

You have had enough heartache in the last few years to last a lifetime. I am so sorry for you, life is so unfair.

You've gotten some great advice, I hope you can follow some of it and find a place to place your DH so you can still see him--and where he will be safe.

DO NOT take the angry, mean words he throws at you to heart. He does not mean them. He does not know what he's saying.

Prayers for you as you navigate this rocky road.

It's just going to get worse from here on out. Time to start looking into a facility to place him in (sooner rather than later). And yes please call 911 if you/your children feel threatened in anyway by him. The police more than likely will be ignorant of the danger that his disease can cause. He needs to be taken to the ER and a psych hold done.

Criminal Behavior in Frontotemporal Dementia and Alzheimer Disease
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4432918/

The crimes committed by people with dementia range from theft, traffic violations with or without the influence of alcohol, violence, and hypersexuality to homicide.

"These behaviors, which are sometimes the first manifestation of a dementing condition, pose great personal, social, and legal burdens on the patients, their families, nursing homes, and society. Despite this knowledge, there have been few attempts to study criminality and antisocial behavior in the setting of dementia in a systematic way."

Euthanasia would be kinder for those afflicted with this disease than the slow and vicious decline you and your kids will be forced to witness as you try to help him and your family.

Oh my . I read your profile. I’m so sorry about all the recent losses of family members .

Is your husband on any meds to help with the anger ?

It is time to get your husband placed in a facility .
It’s not safe for you to live with him .

I’m so sorry .

Call 911 in an emergency when you don’t feel safe .
Also call your local Agency of Aging and have a social worker help you get your husband placed.

First of all, as an animal lover, it isn't appropriate to expose either animals or children, in their innocence, to this abuse.

Someone in fact this out of control and abusive belongs--sorry--in care and on medication. His life is a misery to him and to everyone around him.

You are an adult. You are responsible as the next of kin now for managing his care in a manner best for him and everyone involved. Sorry, but that means you will need APS, Social Services, MDs and everyone else involved in considering placement for this poor gentleman. Then they can work on medications that may be of some help to him.

I don't know how old your children are. You are responsible for them if they are not of age. So if all else fails you must flee this home with kids and animals. Report to APS a "senior at risk " on you way out the door.

The next time he makes physical threats please call 911. Don't wait for him to hit you, please. You can video his behavior to make sure the cops and EMTs take him for observation. Don't tell them he has dementia since this isn't considered a medical emergency, just focus on his violent words and actions and that he's "not himself". The hospital can do a social admit. Do not accept him for discharge -- it must be made clear to them that you are afraid of him and he needs meds (but there's no guarantee he'll take them once home).

If you are not his PoA (and no one is) then you might need to allow social services to handle it and get a court-assigned legal guardian.

Did he ever play contact sports or have concussions? He can have CTE, but there's no way to diagnose it currently. CTE produces very violent behavior in people. If your kids live close you may need to secretly pack up and leave, even just for some respite. Yours is a very tricky and stressful situation. Please protect yourself!

I feel your pain. I too care for a husband with aphasia, he also has apraxia and seizures from a severe brain injury. It is an incredible difficult situation for everyone involved. On any given day you feel sad, guilty, angry, resentful, frustrated, confused, scared and exhausted. Sometimes all at once.

My husband has no self control and will do things that put himself and others in danger. He still believes that he is the "fix-it" guy but with the extent of brain damage and cognitive decline he cannot do those things any more. He became very aggressive - yelling, throwing things, pushing me, raising a hand to me, punching a hole in the wall, walking out of the house. After speaking with his doctor he prescribed Risperidone which did help a lot although we still have our bad days. I also have issues with my husband questioning me about medication so I have his doctor tell him what he needs to take. If all else fails perhaps it can be administered another way but always ask your doctor about that.

As far as placing him in care, if you can afford to, you need to do it for your own self preservation. I cannot afford it. The cost of memory care per month in California is about 5-6K a month (my husband is only 59). There is no way I can do that and take care of myself financial. Depending on your financial situation you may qualify for Medicaid in your state. Medicare does not pay for long term assisted living.

If you feel threatened I would call 911 or your local police station (as others have previously written) They can only put him on a psyche hold but it will stop the escalating situation. I think meds are your best bet.

I hope some of this information helps and wish you the best.

I just read your profile and you have had so much loss in such a short amount of time. And then you are losing your still-living husband a little bit each day. This is so much to face and self-care must be your top priority. Your husband is not the man you married and is too much for you now. It is time to look into other options. Do see a lawyer and make sure your assets are protected. And do make that 911 call if you must. If he goes to the ER, and they want you to come take him home, tell them it isn't safe and ask for them to keep him for evaluation, this just buys you time, but at least it is something.

Preaching to the choir here.