She is a good actress, and will manipulate anyone in anyway she can to get her way. I know that sounds horrible, but it's simply the truth. She's always been this way, but since she was severely ill in the hospital, she's gotten at least ten times worse. We moved her 2000 miles to live with us because she said the family members that lived with her abandoned her when she could barely even walk. Turns out, that was all a lie and she was horrible to them to the point that they had to leave. So we moved her here. Along with all 16 of her cats because she refused to surrender even one. So we put her health first. Now she quite literally, to the letter, uses us in every way she can, guilt tripping us and talking trash about us to others until we cave and do whatever it was she wanted. To clarify, it's usually she demands we buy something for her when we are already entirely broke and gets mad when we tell her we are in fact completely broke and emergency cards maxed. It's almost like she doesn't understand that we don't have a dollar left. But she goes and tells people how horrible we are and how we don't do anything for her, to name the more polite ones. We can't take much more and we can't kick her out obviously. We also don't have anywhere near enough money to send her to a home, neither does she. She wouldn't go anyway. Especially because of her cats. We are all having to see therapists now because of the impact she's had on us and we need options. Are there any resources that could help us?
Do you accept that? That you made many bad decisions here?
You have some good suggestions here. Grandmom gets SS and Medicare. She should be able to pay her own way.
You allowed this woman to destabilize your life and now you are acting like there is no solution.
You are the only one who can end this.
What is your grandmother's income? Is she contributing to your household expenses? If not, she should be.
I agree that you should contact APS and have them come out to evaluate her situation and her finances, and if appropriate have her apply for low-income senior housing and/or Medicaid for placement in a facility. Be clear to them that you cannot meet her needs.
Don't spend another dime of your own money on what she demands.
You moved manipulative granny to you along with her 16 cats?
No, I don't really think that there IS any resource that could possibly help, myself.
Am hoping you can afford lots of litter.
And at least she's a good actress. Which should lead to no end of entertainment.
I DO have one question. How did you manage to get 16 cats the 2,000 miles?
If she has dementia, it robs people of their logic and reason (so they make poor decisions) and they lose their empathy for others (even their closest LOs, this is why she doesn't care what she's doing to you -- she can't care), among other obnoxious behaviors.
If you think she can live on her own, you can help her find Section 8 govt subsidized housing (but there may be waiting lists) and then legally evict her. But if you don't really think she can manage on her own, this is why you discuss with a social worker, to see if she is a candidate for a court-appointed 3rd party legal guardian who will get her relocated and manage all her affairs.
Is she paying for her room and board? If not, this needs to start happening. You should immediately stop jumping when she says jump. Call an animal shelter and rehome the cats if she isn't taking care of them or can't afford to feed them. It's your house and you get to make the rules. She can only terrorize you if you allow it.
I totally get it, though. My 95-yr old Mom can become a giant toddler sometimes when she doesn't get her way and it's "easier" to relent. But you can't relent. I will not argue with her, instead I try to distract her or redirect the conversation. If all else fails I fake a phone call and walk out of the house.
Another resource is your local Area Agency on Aging.
Anyone with that many cats obviously has some mental issues and needs help. More help than you can provide.
And YES you can kick her out, as it is your house and family that she is disrupting, and you need to set boundaries.
If your grandmother doesn't have the money for placement in a facility then she'll have to apply for Medicaid and move into a Medicaid facility.
So call Adult Protective Services today and explain what is going on and that you need help getting your grandmother and her 16 cats out of your house.