He says he doesn’t have the Alzheimer, he’s misdiagnosed.
A few weeks ago, he was calling people at his old job in regards to what he should be doing, The building closed down for covid years ago, and he’s taking about going to the building to fill out paperwork. He called his deceased supervisor, she passed 4 years ago.
Additionally, he will ask where his money and that he needs to retire from his jobs.
He then calls his old jobs and he goes as far as trying to print retirement paperwork.
He gets his money in his checking accounts throughout the month. I tell him, then he says he doesn’t see or know when it comes. Then this turns into a whirlwind.
A week or so later, he had had this same conversation with his sister. He hasn’t went back over this with me in about 3 weeks.. hopefully it won’t keep coming up.
He has no friends or hobbies but he definitely has Alzheimers, He doesn’t want to join any groups, actually he can’t even play cards or pool. What can he do? All the senior centers say he has to be 65 he’s 63. Besides all he wants to do is sleep and mess with his IPhone 🧟♂️
I get up early and get dressed in the event this happens and he becomes delusional, if so, I can leave in a hurry and come back sometime later, hoping the dilemma has cooled down..
His mental fortitude seems to be declining, as he seems to asking about his money less.. hopefully, he stays in this state..
HELP
Clearly, if this is Alzheimer's then it is early onset which tends to progress much more quickly and tends to be much more difficult to control.
You need help, and he may need placement.
First trip is to his own doctor, tell him the problems you are facing and that soon they will not be controllable for you. That he may soon need placement.
You are going to need early retirement for him and disability until he can qualify for Medicare. This means you are going to need GOOD diagnostic workup with letter from TWO MDs regarding his inability to safely do executive functioning in his own behalf.
I think that you need a trip to the Elder Law Attorney. You are in trouble here in so far as costs of all this. You soon will need him on Medicaid and he will unfortunately need to keep emergently whatever insurance he has. You may need a nurse manager.
All of this including his now needing 24/7 care is going to mean a whole lot of money.
You cannot afford to have your OWN finances and savings completely ruined by the fact your husband has such a severe and dire diagnosis. You may need division of assets. Whether anyone ELSE knows it, and given you won't be leaving him, you may STILL require a legal divorce to protect your own assets. I have seen this happen first hand with a friend/acquaintance whose wife went into permanent vegetative coma at an early age, leaving him with two small children to raise.
So this is major trouble that is going to require the VERY BEST of professional care from MD, Neuro-psyc MD, Elder Law attorney, social workers.
I am so very sorry. The fact he is obsessed with his phones puts him in sort of a teen realm, but his co-workers are going to have to know the skivvy here and block his phone number; afraid you will need to be very frank with them when you have the diagnosis.
We DO have several wives VERY ACTIVE on this site dealing with their husbands diagnoses and I hope they will reach out to you. They may have good info. I cannot imagine what you must be going through.
There is a cost of course, but if money is an issue they do offer financial help and if your husband is a veteran they pay for some as well.
And it is worth every penny as they keep the folks occupied throughout the day with lots of different activities, and offer breakfast, lunch and a snack. Plus they have a spa day where they will shower your loved one and cut their hair and shave them if needed.
And since your husband doesn't believe that he has dementia, you can just tell him that they need volunteers to help out at the center to get him to go.
There are no easy answers when dealing with a loved one with dementia, but at this point with your husband I don't think that I would be leaving him home alone anymore.
If it gets where you feel threatened or unsafe, just call 911, and have your husband taken to the hospital if needed.
Dementia sucks...that's a fact and I'm sorry that you are yet one more person dealing with this horrific disease.
Please take care of yourself.
My dad also had an obsession with money and wanting to control it. He had been in charge of the finances before he got dementia so it wasn’t surprising that he wanted to keep that control afterward also. Even though his brain no longer worked right and he made a lot of disastrous financial decisions before we took the control away from him.
I want to caution you about real and fake charities and scammers. My dad also started giving money to almost any charity that asked. He was a sucker for anything they sent in the mail like stickers, calendars, coins. Given that your husband can still use a phone, I would be on alert about him getting calls and texts from scammers. Make sure you can log into your bank accounts, credit cards, and keep an eye on them.
Please talk to his doctor, neurologist, whomever diagnosed him. He may benefit from meds to calm down problematic behaviors. Also, they may have a social worker on staff and/ or suggestions about adult day care or other options in your area to give you a break from caring from him around the clock. Respite care may also be an option. You need breaks. I am so sorry he was diagnosed at 63. He could live decades longer and you need to think about how you are going to cope with his decline without sacrificing your own life and chances of happiness going forward. Best wishes
In my experience (and everyone’s is different) dementia behaviors are a little like waves on the beach - sometimes it’s stormy, sometimes it’s calm, but the ocean never goes away and the tide is always changing.
Since you realize he has anosognosia, you understand some things about Alzheimer's. Go to alz.org for lots more good information. And pick up a copy of the book Understanding the Dementia Experience by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller on Amazon. It's an excellent, plain English book that should help you process what DH is going through.
He may need Memory Care Assisted Living at some point if he becomes unmanageable at home. He's not going to "stay in this state" as all dementias progress. Alzheimer's is one of the slower progressing dementias, however. Look into adult daycare in your area to keep Jim occupied and out of your hair for most of the day. That would free you up to go out and do things! Also look into hiring aides to come in and give you respite.
Best of luck with a difficult situation.