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Even when my husband is showing signs of needing to toilet, at times he doesn't know what to do when I try to have him stand in front of the toilet. Also hard to convince him to sit down on the toilet when that is necessary. Many times he will attempt to go outdoors to relieve himself. He seems to prefer squatting outside. Not a good thing for sure. Fortunately we do live in the country. How do I convince him to just pee in the toilet he's standing by.

Many people find that their ‘old man’ loses the ability to pee directly into the pan, makes a mess on the floor and their feet, and it’s better to make it all ‘sitting down’ on the seat. It’s simpler than having two options.

The other option might be to buy a ‘squatty pottee’. He can squat on that in the toilet enclosure, and you can pour the result down the pan. Squattee pottees are recommended for people with trouble passing solids, but might work for him anyway.
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Reply to MargaretMcKen
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You may want to replace the toilet seat with one that is open in the front. If you can get him to start sitting every time, it can lessen the chance of going on the floor. My husband sometimes will still try to stand to use the toilet and I tell him to turn around and I take his arm to help him start moving. He wears disposable briefs all the time but is not totally incontinent yet. He was hesitant in the beginning so we started with overnight, then whenever we left the house and gradually it became a full-time thing. I or a caregiver always do the wiping... sometimes needing to use wet wipes to be sure he is clean.

My husband is now sometimes confused if I ask if he needs to use or go to the bathroom. And of course if I say it once we are in the bathroom... that question makes no sense! He does not always understand the words... pee, urinate, BM or bowel movements. Then he does not always understand if I ask him if he is through, done or finished. One day I asked "are you through" and he said, no I'm Bill! It fascinates me how the English language has so many phrases and words that can take on different meanings once a person has dementia.

A friend said her husband told her on several occasions that he had never done "that" before.

It is sad to see the struggles increase and I have often wondered what may be ahead when bathroom communication becomes even harder. He is incontinent off and on but as long as he recognizes the urge I will just keep trying to be patient while trying to find new ways to avoid puddles or messes on the floor.
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Reply to KPWCSC
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You need to get your husband on a toileting schedule in the bathroom. Take him in there every 2 hours to see if he needs to use the toilet. Depends in the meantime. Lock the doors to prevent him from wandering around outside, is my suggestion. Placement may become necessary if you're unable to manage all of this at home, which is understandable.

My condolences on all of this, it's an awful lot.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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Juanita6 Feb 1, 2025
That's a good idea to try scheduling. I believe that he will resist and not understand. But will try. I meant to say that we may have to graduate to diaper use before long. I do have chimes now that activate when the outside doors are opened so that helps me keep better track of things. Plus he doesn't like the snow, cold, or darkness. So he doesn't try to go outdoors so much.
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Sorry, Juanita6, I don't know if there IS a way to convince him. His mind isn't working right.

My husband had similar issues with toileting-- he didn't want to sit (ordinarily he did, even just for pee) and later on, didn't recognize what the toilet was, or thought his rollator was the toilet-- none of it made sense. And it wasn't always the same.

When he *did* sit, he wouldn't let me touch his privates, to ensure he was tucked properly. Consequently, I had to bleach-mop several times a day! Also, he would forget to wipe after bowel movements, oh what a mess. Laundry without end...

Disposable underwear are great, if hubby will use them. Don't know how to keep him indoors though.

Was your husband a hunter? Maybe you could rig up an outdoor camp-style latrine with privacy curtain & seat for him?

Sorry you're facing this!
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Reply to TUXcat70
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Juanita6 Feb 1, 2025
Good to know others have experienced similar issues. Of course, when he does use the bathroom on his the floor and seat are usually wet. I do put the seat up after I use the toilet and that usually helps.
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Since it appears that your husband prefers to squat, I would just have him sit on the toilet whether he's peeing or pooping. Just have him sit all the time.
And yes that may mean that you walk him into the bathroom every single time and help him to sit on the toilet and make sure that his penis is tucked in properly.
Over time he will hopefully get used to the new routine.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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I would let him go outside and then use a shovel to bury or dispose of is a trash can. Lye in the can will help get rid of odor.

Personally, I would have a decent size hole for burying.

You just can not reason with dementia, not a hill I would choose to die on, beats changing depends hands down.
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Reply to Isthisrealyreal
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Juanita6 Feb 1, 2025
When he does this, he has nothing for wiping and there can be quite a mess on him and his clothes. He is also often in view of a neighbor and road traffic. I think before long Depends will be in use. Now he is using disposable briefs and they are helpful.
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You do not seem to have a question for us, which is OK because as you know, there are few answers with dementia this far advanced. We can only wish you good luck. You are doing the right things by walking him in and through this process, but his brain is now unable to compute. So sorry you're going through this.
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Carrasco Feb 1, 2025
Huh?
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