I don't want anyone to think I'm saying my mother is lazy I know she is sick and weak I just would like to see her show more independence. I never realized how needy my mom was until my dad died. I don't know if my mom is afraid of falling or what but she won't do ANYTHING except physical therapy only 2x per week. I want to keep peace so I do my best not to upset her because of her heart condition. But exercise and activity are GREAT for her type of heart failure. But my mom only will do PT that's it! I guess I'm just venting ....Sorry to all....
Is she afraid of falling? Does she have a walker? A wheelchair? My husband fell A LOT. It discouraged him from doing much. When we got a wheelchair it gave him a new outlook on life. He could scoot it around with his feet, and get where he wanted to go without fear of falling. It may seem counter-intuitive that a wheelchair could increase activity, but that was our experience. He got enough standing, transferring to bed and chairs, and short walks (plus his PT) to retain enough strength to transfer.
Are there some activities your mother could do safely seated in her favorite chair? Matching socks, folding laundry, labeling photographs? This doesn't get her the benefits of walking, but it is at least some movement and feeling useful can improve one's attitude.
Call your Area Agency on Aging and ask about a needs assessment.
I have to say, because I'm just like that, I actually found it less stressful when my mother stopped being able to do things like make her own breakfast or feed her cat. The smell of that sickly golden syrup flavoured instant porridge, her being in the way, the little dollops of cat food gravy in the utility room sink - yeuch, petty stuff that got on my nerves... The grass is always greener, I suppose?
And, in fact, it was probably a bit evil of me to be relieved I could take over. Strictly speaking I ought to have made more effort to encourage her to continue, instead of saying gaily "oh don't worry I'll see to it."
My bad. You're right.
Used your mother to be a reasonably capable, energetic bustler-about previously? Is it as though she's just stopped *caring*? Is depression something you've considered?
I love the idea of sort of blending more walking into her everyday, where you can; and yes do keep up the search for anything that might motivate her (my mother wouldn't do Singing For The Brain, always some excuse not to go; but nothing would keep her from the Book Group). But in the end it's her heart and her energy level, and only she can decide what's worth the effort. I know "accepting" that is a heck of a lot easier said than done.
Lets face it, most people can use more exercise but we don't because we don't want to. Elderly are no different.
Have you been able to contact your local Area Agency on Aging to get a needs assessment done on your mom and aunt? They might be able to point you towards resources for their care.