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My mom is in a nursing home in another state where she and dad live. Dad is in assisted living nearby and visits her daily. After his visit where I had called and talked to both of them, she called me back. By then she was confused about where she is thinking she’s in a motel near me. She wants me to come get her, very upset and demanding I do something. What can I say that won’t incite her further?

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What if you tell he’d she’s safe and your dad will see her tomorrow? Or could you assure her that you will call him?

could you then call the nursing station? Maybe they could restrict the hours she has access to her phone?

good luck.
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Reply to Suzy23
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I doubt that she’ll remember what you say or what she said. Your goal is to keep her calm in the moment before she goes on to her next confusion or delusion.

Keep your voice calm and tell her in a warm, kind tone that you’re working on it and you’ll discuss it with her tomorrow. Assure her that she’s safe. Then hang up. Call the nurse station if you like. They’re used to this.

Hopefully mom won’t remember the conversation but may bring it up again. Handle it exactly as you did previously every time she does it. It isn’t necessary to give credence to everything a dementia patient says! They are in their own irrational world.
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Reply to Fawnby
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‘I’ll sort it out with the doctor, and get back to you in a couple of days’.
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Reply to MargaretMcKen
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Ask for medication to calm her anxiety and agitation. I know it's so frustrating when you can't make her understand, but at least the med(s) might be able to reduce her fear.
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Reply to MG8522
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Your mom shouldn't now have phone access. Most memory care facilities handle the phone calls one on one as the relatives dictate. If she needs the phone to contact Dad in the same facility then I would figure a way to block her calls to you. You cannot really manage a phone call from someone this confused.
I would speak with the facility about how best to manage this.
I am so sorry for all that you ALL are going through, but it's a relief that Dad is nearby and can daily visit with her.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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