My mother in law has outlived her husband by 9 years now. She is 96 and very frail. She is in assisted living now. She has had the full support of her daughter and son in law for the 9 years and more. She is a very sweet christian woman. But now..she has issues about money..and although the solution was very good and she is comfortable, she is angry..angry at everyone and everything. Cannot accept kindess extended by family or others. Just ANGRY. I wondered if this was some kind of normal progression when folks get to be so old and frail, so near the end.
Even if there were no dementia, anger can happen when a person feels nervous. The area that regulates our reaction to stress can choose either anger or fear (fight or flight). Sometimes when people are actually frightened or stressed, it will come out as anger. A good example of this is road rage. Do you think your MIL may be frightened what is going on in her life. She probably is. Maybe a mild sedative would help her some. I don't like to recommend drugs, but I know sometimes they can help.
I hope your MIL returns to her sweet Christian self soon.
@ deborah,
i firmly believe that an ill elder becomes miserable and difficult. not one organ is functioning at its former capacity and the body and brain are no doubt full of toxins. good working organs cannot even keep up with the toxins that are routinely produced in the body. its why we need sleep to catch the detoxification process up. of course im not a doctor. its a good thing, im not even a good patient..
I haven't experienced the anger you spoke of but my dad, who lived with me for 5 years and has been in a nursing home for 6 months now, became very unhappy. And my dad was always, always an optimist so his unhappiness was totally out of character for him. However, he'd never been in a nursing home before either and I think that's enough to make someone very unhappy.
I wonder how long your MIL has been in assisted living. If it's a fairly recent move that could be the cause of her anger and bitterness. That she was a sweet, Christian woman all her life and is now bitter and angry suggests that something has happened to make her feel that way.