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Is your mom at that stage? If she is still cognizant and knows her environment and things that are happening around her, then, tell her the truth. But if she becomes confused, and disoriented, then tell her what you feel she wants to hear. She doesn't want to hear that her LO or favorite pet has passed..but if she is in total understanding. then you may be correct
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My brother had early ALZ.. and he wanted to see mom. He needed a haircut, his friend told me. I took him to a place, and it's a bit of a walk for him, but he walked there one day before I had the time. He paid James with cookies. Brother's wife would put cookies in his pockets,? James was sweet enought to accept them as payment. He knew I would be back :)
Anyway, my answer is yes. Sometimes the questions and queries are on a "tape loop". Best to answer, and distract: SQUIRREL.!! At times you have to divert their attention, even if it's just temporary... Perhaps, it will jar up another thought they had... Well, at least it may be different?
Maybe they know the answer, but don't really want to believe the truth.. If your LO past, do you really want to ask the same question? They are hoping for a happier or better answer.. Sometimes the right truthful answer is too hard to accept..
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Your friend is doing the right thing. Why upset someone with information that they will quickly forget? The play money thing is a great idea too. If it makes him feel good about himself that he is "helping" people that need money that's awesome.
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I tell my Mom that her father is still at work when she asks why he hasn’t come home yet and that she is worried about him. The first time she asked where he was I told her he had passed away. She yelled at me and said couldn’t I think of something nicer to say. Yes fibs are fine in my opinion as they help both of us cope.
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Hi Teddy2019, yes it is ok to use "therapeutic fibs" to keep LOs from veering into emotional territory that they have a difficult time recovering from (and you as well). If your mom is in MC she no longer has short-term remembering or learning abilities. There is really no point in reinventing the emotional wheel with her...it only brings distress and confusion. There's no upside or gain. My MIL is in LTC and has short-term memory impairment. I often wrestle with this dilemma as she often asks where her husband is and she cries a little when we tell her he passed. She is not to the point yet where I feel like I can tell her the therapeutic fib and she will accept it. When that day comes I will do it but I know it won't make me feel any better. The goal will be to not upset her. I read your profile and you have your hands full. May you receive peace in your heart over what to say to your mom.
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