None of us have ever gotten along with our mother. My sisters live in Arizona and Nevada and I'm our mother's sole caregiver here in Wisconsin.
Mother wants her body donated to a university medical school after her death and has made the necessary arrangements and filled out the proper paperwork. She has no friends where she currently lives (she writes to two or three that are in other states).
When she finally passes, would it be ok not to have a funeral or any kind of ceremony? Mother has not said anything about this...just that she wants her body donated and I'm supposed to MAKE SURE that it happens after she's gone.
I did inform her when she was alive, there would be no evening and next day viewings. One viewing, the morning of the burial. She was fine with that.
My husband's cousin died at 60, he was cremated with no ceremony. Later on his siblings had a catered gathering in a restaurant, where we were to dress in colorful clothes and take the mic and tell funny stories about him. It was a success, and very comforting in a unique way.
It's more of a problem if the parent stipulates black-plumed horses, a vigil and a five star wake and the family is thinking 'uh, who's paying..?'
We had a closed coffin funeral for my father (45 years ago). It was very hard on our family but at the time, that was standard practice. Times have changed, and now everyone has a choice and if they don't leave instructions, its ok to do what is best for the family (and expenses are really high for a funeral now, so that is a consideration.)
The last funeral I went to was a church service and the person had been cremated and the urn sat on the alter. The testimonials were all happy and complimentary and it was so much easier to think about and remember that person as wonderfully alive rather than staring at an empty shell of a body in front of us.
I, personally, hate wakes and "visitation" and I never go up to the open casket. I simply do not want my last memory of the person I loved lying there cold and lifeless. So, I sign the book, hug the family give my condolences and leave.
Our family have all opted for cremation and a memorial at a later time when grief is lessened. I have told my husband, if I go first, I don't want people parading past my body looking at me.
At this moment, she has 4 living brothers and sisters, but they are all near her age. Who knows if they 'll be around when she dies. She wasn't close to any of the nieces/nephews. Any old friends and her previous husbands have all passed away.
I am an only child with one grown son. Since it probably would just be the 2 of us, it doesn't make sense to have a service. My mother was not religious/spiritual, so it seems hypocritical to have anything dealing with a church.
A person doesn't have to have a service or gathering as their "final goodbye". People will remember them, (or not), as they were influenced by the departed. If the family just can't cope with not having a gathering, I'm sure the deceased won't really care, once they're gone.
Wow! What a scathing obituary for Marianne. But, if it was true what they wrote about her, then she deserved it and more. Too bad the kids had to suffer at her hand. Now she might be getting her just "reward".
my mother died recently and i miss her fiercly but hymns and prayers wont bring her back. i left that to all the frauds who havent visited her in the last 6 years.
I would carefully read the donation agreement to see just how the medical school deals with the remains. Also read to see if they can decline the donation if they have too many of your mom's category.