Momlover123 Asked January 2016
POA has denied me access to my mother's room at the nursing center. Can this be legal?
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But anything that helps with this vile disease is worth it in my book.
That said your words made my speaking out worthwhile. Lucy
ML ~ Thank you so much for your suggestions on how to fill my time without my SO. Oddly enough no matter what I do, I still have a part of me that grieves for him and frankly right now I am embracing that. I know there will come a day when I will stop grieving because that is the day I will stop remembering. I will fight to put off that day for as long as I can.
I'm sorry that you had a difficult childhood and I am able to appreciate that you are literally quite desperate to "be there for your Mum." What saddens and indeed frightens me about your determination is your 100% blinkered attitude. You return to this forum and ask for help, you're given it, over and over by people with varying degrees of knowledge and experience. Yet each and every one of us is wrong!
From what you have written about your Mother I see a lady who has had some horrible experiences and has done a great job of bringing up her children. That lady is now very much sicker, frailer and damaged than you can face. That to I understand, it is incredibly hard to see a loved one in a place where we are helpless to care for them. But if we are to do right by that loved one we must for their sakes listen to those who have the experience and knowledge.
I truly know you love your Mum passionately and desperately want to nurse her to the end (though I doubt you'll accept there will be an end), and that ML is the scary bit. If you continue this path you will actually become the most damaging/abusive person in your Mum's life and for HER sake you will be denied access to her.
Please listen to others, they are trying so hard to help you stay in your Mum's life ~ but safely.
I didn't create a fuss, I made little cards, crocheted a shawl, made tiny pigs (Nanna loved pigs), anything that told Nanna I was thinking of her, I loved her and did not add to the distress.
I would have broken down the doors and stolen her away if I could. But that would not have helped anyone. She was in a safe place and her family believed in what they were doing. Sadly she died, my last memory of her though is not in a hospital bed. It is of us at our regular Friday morning tea. Best china cup, saucer and plate. Naughty biscuits and "girly" chatter. Grandpa Bernie snoring in his armchair.
You will need 24/7 care because you are NOT TRAINED to care for her something that is patently obvious to all of us on here.`don't think for one moment that support services of that nature will come free of charge - they won't. Simple business sense says no - it is not a cost effective move and if everyone wanted home, round the clock care the USA would be bankrupt within a year.
If you are absolutely serious about having her home, then you need to consider this: What do I need to do to the house to make it safe. Are the bathrooms on the same floor as the living and sleeping accommodation because if not it is not a long term plan. Are there grab rails so that she can get around easily? Does she have a walker? How will you address incontinence needs if and when the need arises. How will you get her to interact with people of her own age? How will you get out to do shopping etc. How will you get her to the medical appointments she will need to attend. How many trained professional carers do you think it will take to meet her needs now and in the future? Do you have a mattress you can steam clean? Are your floor carpeted or lino? Who is going to deep clean them? Do you have a lockable cupboard for her meds? Do you know how to deal with drugs you no longer need? Do you have PPE? Do you have commodes? how are you going to facilitate bathing
There is just so much you are not seeming to recognise needs addressing and quite frankly if a court awarded you the right to bring your Mum home - bearing in mind she will be telling you one thing and others something entirely different for that is the nature with dementia, then I for one would be absolutely horrified at a system which is missing some links somewhere.
Mom lover one of your posts says:
Mum Has no other medical conditions other than the stroke and osteoporosis
Others indicate the following
So she has osteoporosis
She had a stroke 10 years ago that left her wheelchair bound
She can just about stand cant walk
She has arthritis
She has mild dementia or forgetfulness
She has senile dementia though
In September you said
the doctor is saying that her senile dementia is progressing rapidly
her mobility diminishes more everyday
Yet yesterday you said went from mental institution to mental institution just to stay alive and LET herself be diagnosed as a manic depressive on lithium.
Now you are clearly delusional when you say she has no other medical conditions other than the stroke and osteoporosis for your mother has multiple problems and for the most part ones that will get worse over time.
Then and probably the most insulting thing I found from your rants is this:
Mothering and nurturing does not take a PhD or we would not exist. And just who do you think monitors care? Who do you think makes the diagnoses of mental illness? Who do you think determines the level of PT required. You are so damned far up yourself that you cannot see that the problem person in all of this is you.
You even use the term senile dementia which is so outdated as to be almost archaic. If you don't even know what type of dementia (s) your mother has how in hells name are you going to look after her. You won't know what to expect, what signs to look for, how it will progress and definitely won't know how to handle it.
I am dropping the post as this person is just a joke and clearly not a suitable carer for her mother.
the bottom line is , what does the patient want . i put up with a lot of man hatin BS when i was caring for my terminal dementia mother . only a good female friend straightened it out for me . she said , " your mom doesnt WANT to go into a GD nursing home " . nobody listens to the patient . they all seem to have their own petty ( job related ) motives ..
Please explain :~)
So now "catfish" is internet slang for messing with someone online, pretending to be someone your not as a prank.