It would hurt my feelings if we got an annullment so he could marry his nurse. He took a shine to her and they have called her his girlfriend since he has been there. He seems to be able to talk to others pretty well but only going off on a tangent a couple of times. He knows who I am and yet he seems to have a grudge against me. When I went to leave he said "I'm really serious about this!I realize this is only in his head but it still hurts. How should I handle this?
I hope I could laugh at home, when telling my sister or friend about it, but I don't think I could make a joke about it with my husband.
One of the women in my local caregivers' group (I'll call her Ann) is very firm about setting boundaries in the NH. When there is a new aide and she says, "Come on, sweetie, lift up your arm so I can help you with your sweater," Ann quickly informs that aide that this man is not her sweetie, that he is married, and that he needs to be treated with respect. The aide needs to learn his name and use it. Her husband has been in NH for a few years and Ann has everyone trained, but when there is a new person, we hear about it in our group meeting!
But even if everyone on the staff behaves perfectly appropriately, it is the nature of dementia for there to be delusions. I know this is very difficult, but try not to take them personally. This is not the man you love and married speaking -- it is the disease. "I'm so glad you have a friend on the nursing staff. But you cannot marry her because you already married me. I am very glad you did. I love you very much, and I will always, always be your faithful wife."
My heart goes out to you. Having a spouse with dementia is painful in many, many ways.