My 94-yr-old mom is quickly showing signs of dementia: believing her cat speaks to her, accusing my brother-in-law of stealing groceries from her, believing people break into her apartment to use her bathroom, just some recent examples. Should I confront her with it and say that yes, we do think she is starting to have a serious problem? She has refused to go to a doctor for many years now, and I don't know how we would ever get her to go now. But if we made her aware of her actions, would that help her to think about what she's doing? It will certainly make her violently angry. She is in an I.L. apartment complex, and never leaves her apt.
My suggestion to you is don't suddenly come at your Mom with your concerns because if she is at the point that you have described she will probably feel attacked.
What I did was meet with my Mom's Doctor privately to voice my concerns and arranged to meet with him together with my Mom. My Mom's Doctor was very protective of my Mom which is what you would hope for your parent. But after meeting with us a few times he agreed with us her mental health was at a state where she couldn't take care of herself properly anymore. So we had a healthcare social services worker meet with Mom to evaluate her and proceeded from there. We ended up transitioning my Mom to a nursing home where she lived comfortably for about a year until sadly she died at age 92 due to complications of old age.
Start gently. Try not to let your Mom get to a state where she feels threatened. I know this is hard but you can do it.
You mentioned she becomes violent. It may be time for you to re-evaluate her living arrangements. I agree that telling her she needs an “insurance physical” or they will cancel her policy might work. Speak with the doctor’s secretary before you go to let the doctor know what you’ve been observing.
If you tell her that her Medicare will be cancelled if she doesn't see a doctor once a year, night that work?
Have you watched any Teepa Snow videos on how to deal with the illogic of dementia?