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My MIL is in a memory facility. We are emptying and selling her house due to the cost of keeping it. My husband is the POA and is sister is not, but will says all will be divided 1/2 and 1/2. My question is there are some big ticket items (fox vest, mink coat, large sofa, large TV, furniture) that are being offered to the family members. My MIL is not dead. Do all these items need to be sold and put in the estate to pay for my MIL care or just given away? She does not need the money to continue to stay in the facility, but who knows what will happen down the road or how long she will live. Husband's sister is just going in and taking what she wants without regard to it still being her mother's property and part of the estate.

If I were in the situation I would let my siblings take whatever they want with the understanding that anything else will be sold to fund future care for their parent. Come what may. Most likely they won't resell items just to make a buck and they hopefully won't take items just to prevent the sale of potentially needed funds. It is more for emotional ties.
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MargaretMcKen Jan 15, 2025
It's difficult to imagine exactly someone else's situation. Some items have much more emotional significance in the family, some are more useful and valuable, some are easier to transport for those who don't live locally. I split my M's things (not very much in her unit) with my non-local sisters, and we did take it in turns. Not just 'take whatever they want'. Neither sister wanted M's large collection of used washed plastic bags. They left that for me.
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I would say sell what you can if you can.
The mink coat you probably will not get much for as many people are not wearing real fur anymore.
With the price of TV's you likely will not get much for a used TV when I can buy a (just looked this up on Sam's Club) a 75 inch for $499.00 or an 85 inch for $797.99.
The hassle that you go through to sell something just isn't worth it.
If family members want the items divide them evenly. (I say this since you say mom does not need the money for her care. But if there is a chance then selling to family might be a good option.)
You say the Will states everything should be divided evenly...there might not be much left depending on how long mom lives, the cost of her care in the next year, 2 years, 3 years......
The POA must stop the looting until this is sorted out.
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Most of these "big ticket items" are not really worth much, if anything, for resale. No one wants to buy old TVs or furniture, no matter how nice, except maybe at cheap prices from Goodwill.

If family members want them now, and your husband (the POA) and his sister agree, why not get rid of them now to people who want them, instead of having to move and store them and deal with them a second time while dealing with the grief of MIL's death.

Is your husband upset about his sister taking their mother's things, or is it just your concern? She and your husband should get to decide, since everything would go to them after the death. If he's upset, then he should sit down with her now and make the decisions evenly and fairly, as your MIL would want. If he doesn't mind, then what is wrong with a daughter wanting to keep some of her mother's things?

I understand your concern about the money, but again, there really isn't much resale value proportionate to original cost of these things, and wouldn't it give your husband peace of mind to get these things taken care of now rather than dragging out the process?
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My !om had jo big ticketed items. My brother took whstbhe wanted and I gave away the rest.

As POA your husband can keep sister from taking anything. But, if its nothing he or you want, let her take what she wants. I did hear though, in my state, that if some one is in a home and the house is sold, their belongings need to be stored until death. I think the estate pays for the storage. Mom went on Medicaid and all they worried about was her house not what was in it.
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You say "big ticket items are being offered to the family members" ... By whom?
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What I (POA) did when momma went into assisted living was to give those items that momma wanted each child to have and then everybody take what they wanted that was left. Then the left overs left overs went to good will. We don't have to worry about the money part for mommas care. Dad made sure all of that was good before we lost him. She had a 2800 square foot house that was filled to the brim. All of her jewerly went into my safe at my house for safe keeping. What do you do with it all? Put it in storage and pay huge fees every month? We are going on fourteen years! She will be 91 in May.
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lealonnie1 Jan 14, 2025
Thank you. "Big ticket items" are not big ticket items on the secondary market anymore, especially furs, sofas, tv sets and furniture! Even second hand stores won't take outdated furniture or sofas these days, and goodwill won't take floral upholstered seating or Tv's of any kind! Most people spend more $$$ getting this stuff hauled off to the dump than they can possibly make selling it. Aside from jewelry, gold and silver.
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The POA is in charge here and if he is not taking charge that is one serious issue.
This home needs to be locked and sis told she will be charged with theft if she takes things.

This Estate is now being brought together legally by the POA for the care of the elder. Things will be gathered and sold and there may be auctions or whatever other than some few sentimental items. A mink isn't that. Sorry.

I would suggest the POA go to an elder law attorney now to have job description and learn how to keep meticulous records he is going to need for all this.
This is a HUGE job. Sister needs to STAY OUT OF IT. Or she can attend the attorney meeting with brother to learn why she doesn't want criminal charges brought against her.
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I recently paid $50 for a full length mink coat in mint condition at an estate sale. And there was a $10 bill in the pocket.

Give MILs items away to the family. To charge them money for her things is unthinkably inappropriate, imo, unless she has original Picasso's and Rembrandts.
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Isthisrealyreal Jan 14, 2025
I saw one in an upscale resale shop for 200.00 and soooo wished i lived some place that i could actually wear it.

Enjoy your new fur baby!
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The will doesn’t come into play at all in this, that’s for after MIL has died. There is no estate as such until that time. Is sister aware that assets could be needed to provide continued care at some point? The proceeds from the sale of the house should go toward the cost of MIL’s care, or at least kept in case of need. One never knows in facility care when costs might increase or additional services be required or heavily requested by the management. For example, MIL could need a private sitter even while in memory care, an added cost. It happens. Your husband needs to be clear with his sister on the financial possibilities and the two of them decide about the importance or non importance of household items being sold
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The will applies to what is left after she passes away. Unless the disposition of an item is specified in the will, it should be okay to to divide up the household possessions now, as long as courtesy and common sense are used to avoid feuding and accusations between him and his sister.
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MargaretMcKen Jan 13, 2025
It's true that the 50:50 will split only applies when the estate is divided. My example of my separation split is one example of 'courtesy and commonsense', as opposed to grabbing the fur coats.
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This reminds me of splitting assets when I separated from my first husband, while commonsense still ruled. We took it in turns to ‘take’ an item, and put an agreed value down on a chart (so it didn’t work to pick the most expensive items first). At the end we totaled the columns, and the one with the highest dollar value split the difference with the other. That might work with your sister, particularly as (like us) it’s a 50:50 split and the assets have to go so that the house can be sold. If you want to give to other family members, it should be agreed between you and S.
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