Sorry to vent. I just can't.I go out to brunch because I haven't done anything fun in a while. I come back and My dad told me adult protective services came there looking for me and is opening a case against me. They have received complaints that I am financially abusing him and have several witnesses ready to testify against me but not to worry he told them there is no problem and I am a Great daughter. they closed the investigation and everything is hunky dory. He told me I need to stop crying and he doesn't understand how this would happen. My ex step mother is there. She said she thinks he is lying. But I heard him talking to people about me and how I steal off him to tcap and Catholic charities and he is underweight. She said she thinks she knows who did it. I said I don't care this is a bad situation and not worth it. She said she hopes I don't end myself over this. I said I am not doing that wtf? but I can't do this with him anymore. She says I probably won't go to jail he will be put in a nursing home and I can get my life back. But I should stop using his card for food and gas. She also thinks I should stay here. I am like good luck because I can't do this anymore.I am saving up the plasma money to leave.
Leave. Get help for yourself. Talk with a social worker. Go to a shelter and work on getting back on your feet. Finding a job. Maybe, plug into some free classes to better your chances of finding suitable employment.
I worked cases with dementia clients and even as a paid Home Health Aide, I had my limits and boundaries. The stories that these people make up and the well meaning do gooders that gallop in to cause more trouble than good. I couldn't afford to miss days out of work because of some make believe stories these seniors and their counterparts can cook up. Don't get me started about fake complaints made to the agency. Some of these surrounding critics are sometimes worse off than the senior causing havoc. I might take a case for a day, but when I see that a dysfunctional system has the propensity to go south in a New York minute, I'm out. You have to watch out for family members that can be trouble makers even for the aides making it difficult to provide care to a senior. The client itself has the right to refuse care.
Stop tearing your hair out over this mess. Dementia progresses and does not get better. There is no argument against a disease.
To be honest, the complaint we see MOST on AgingCare is that APS doesn't do ENOUGH when called. That they visit, say they are seeing no evidence of wrong doing and that the elder (sometimes quite demented) seems fine. That is our most common complaint involving APS.
Now if APS does find problems with financial management and record keeping, with elders reporting abuse, they are mandated reporters and must report this to a court which will provide a hearing. In some few cases the custody and management of care, even the elder him/herself may be removed to the care of the auspices of the court, an assigned Fiduciary who will manage the patient and finances and choices and care as a designated Ward of the State. That's state guardianship.
I wish all good luck, but the best way to manage APS easily is to provide name and number of patients MD, tell what the diagnosis is, the mentation, allow for private visitation with the elder, provide financial folders, accounting, records, offer coffee, tea or milk, and--if you're a believer--pray.
Your ex-stepmother wants you to stay because if you leave, she might have to step up in some ways. Don't fall for her manipulation.
Stop using you dad's cards and just leave. Today. Now. If you don't have money, go to a women's shelter and ask the social workers for help. Don't wait until you have plasma money saved up. Enough is enough.
Yes, do not use his cards you are setting yourself up for more problems.