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III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Yes, that's what I had to do with my Dad: replace his underwear with disposables. This company has excellent incontinence products and offers free samples to help you decide what will work best. https://www.northshorecare.com/
Unbeliveable where I found soiled underwear hidden. Moved initially to washable, but quickly went to "disposable underwear." We never say anything like the terrible word, "diapers." My wife almost immediately liked them because she was aware of her problem before sundown set in and did not like being wet or dirty. We've watched diet to help limit bowel movement. Still often wet at night. Added new plastic cover on bed plus washable waterproof cover and washable bed pads (hates bed pads) to absorb excess urine. It is a work in process. Every day is a new day.
I read some of the replies and there is much great advice. I am just writing to tell you i hear you and understand what you’re saying. Im sorry you and your father are entering this stage in dementia. It is awful and heart breaking. It makes me sad and reminds me of the process my family went through. Remember with dementia everything changes and yet there-will be areas of “old self”. Give respect to your father and grace to yourself. I eventually realized my anger was actually my sadness.
My dad had dementia and lived with my mom. He did this too. He would sometimes try to rinse out his cotton underwear by hand and leave them in the sink. I think part of the problem was he didn’t know/ couldn’t remember where his clean underwear was, didn’t have the concept anymore of a laundry hamper even if looking right at it, and never thought to look in his chest of drawers or to ask where the clean underwear was. My mom refused to accompany him to the bathroom, accompany him into his (separate) bedroom to put out fresh clothes, and definitely would not have have bought him or helped him get into “anti-strip” pajamas.
Once he was in home hospice, they gave her the same advice that many have written here— to get rid of all his cotton underwear and replace with Depends which were to be left out in plain view. She eventually did this. He hated them and kept complaining they did not feel right- too loose, too tight, scratchy, etc. We tried many sizes and styles. Anyway, he took to hiding used Depends also. He would remove them, leave them on the floor, under his bed, in his bed, or in the closet and then put his sweat pants back on, commando style. She started telling him they could not watch TV until he could prove he had the Depends on which sometimes worked. Sometimes she would find him walking or crawling around the house naked from the waist down. He was never 100% incontinent until the last 48 hours of his life but it was really inconsistent. Waterproof bed covers and chair covers definitely helped.
I feel like part of the commitment to caring for a dementia person at home should be taking charge of what they can’t. Some minimal standard of hygiene. It’s not easy.
If he is using "normal" underwear replace all of it with disposable. I have never been a fan of the "stages" or labels that are put on dementia. My Husband was able to do some things far longer than he should have been and unable to do other things. So "moderate" dementia to one person is different than "moderate" to another. It is time that you accompany dad to the bathroom and monitor him. In the morning you get to him before he gets up and help him. If he is getting up at night and "hiding" his soiled underwear you get him PJ's that he can't get out of. You can also make sure he goes to the bathroom before he goes to bed.
Incontinence is the involuntary discharge of urine, stool, or both. It can be minor, involving only a few drops of urine or a small amount of stool, or it can be major, with a complete uncontrolled discharge. Incontinence is a prominent feature of dementia, generally happening during the late stage, and sometimes as early as the middle stage. When it first happens, it’s a shocking experience for both the patient and their caregiver. Although incontinence is something that will happen sooner or later, it often makes its debut when it’s least expected, and most inconvenient. Incontinence can remain unnoticed by family members and caregivers for a long time. It is a source of significant embarrassment for patients, who will do everything possible to hide it from others. In the beginning, incontinence is sporadic, but slowly it turns into an everyday affair. The best you can do is to prepare for it and learn how to handle it before it arrives on the scene. From then on, it will be a constant companion for the rest of the journey.
Why It Happens While incontinence can happen at any age, it is more common in older people. It is usually the result of weakness of the muscles that control urine and stool discharge. Women sometimes develop minor urinary incontinence that results in occasional discharge of small amounts of urine when they cough, sneeze, or laugh. Men may develop minor urinary incontinence due to prostate problems. Major incontinence, in contrast, is usually due to underlying diseases and medication side effects.
Incontinence and Dementia In dementia, incontinence has its roots in the progressive destruction of brain cells. As brain processing capacity is increasingly impaired, the chain of events from sensing the need to go to the bathroom, to understanding that sensation, to neuromuscular activation to get up and find one’s way to the bathroom is interrupted, impairing the patient’s ability to handle this most routine of daily and personal activities. The problem is compounded by a number of related issues: · The patient may realize the urge to use the bathroom too late. · After realizing the need to go, the patient’s reaction may be slow and further hindered by joint stiffness and arthritis pain. · The patient may refuse to accept help. They may be embarrassed and prefer to use the bathroom alone. They might be trying to hide their incontinence from others. · The patient may not be able to express that they need to use the bathroom to get the assistance they need from their caregiver. They may have difficulty understanding when a caregiver asks if they need to go or reminds them that it is time to go. · The patient may not be able to find the bathroom. They may be confused about its location and may not remember how to use it. They might confuse the flowerpot or the garbage bin for a toilet. · The patient may reach the bathroom and then be confused as to what to do next. They may not remember how to pull their pants down and sit on the toilet.
Long before the first bout of incontinence, you can begin to set the stage to delay its onset or reduce its effects. Once incontinence does arrive on the scene, these same precautions now baked into the patient’s daily routine can help reduce the burden of incontinence for everyone involved. Structure Routines to Improve Incontinence · Encourage the patient to go to the bathroom every hour. Make bathroom visits a regularly scheduled activity in the patient’s daily routine. · Make a mental note of the patient’s movements, behavior, and utterances when they need to use the bathroom. Then watch for those clues to detect when it is time to lead the patient to the bathroom. · Have the patient wear loose-fitting
I have a small covered plastic bucket and before he heads up to bed I remind my husband to put his washable incontinence underwear into the bucket . I try to be very matter a fact about this so there isn't any embarrassment. He doesn't always remember but then I put them in the bucket. I pour some white vinegar (mixed 50/50 with water) on to the undies. When it come time to wash, I just dump what is in the bucket into the washing machine.
This is not uncommon behavior. Educate yourself on dementia/behavior (google Teepa Snow) - watch You Tubes.
When you take on the responsibility of a person with dementia in your home, you take on all these 'brain changes' behavior, too. * I note you do not ask us a question here. * What do you want to do? Deal with / understand the behavior or the odor?
If I were you, I would either hire (more) caregivers / housekeepers to manage this behavior as much as possible or consider it is time for placement into a facility that can manage these behaviors.
Know that his dementia will increase and create 'more' / other behaviors that are challenging to you. If I were you, I would start to research AL facilities or at the very least, consider what you want to do. There is no going back with dementia. It is a progressive disease or condition.
* It may be between paying a caregiver for daily care and placement.
I know it is not the same, but this may share insight. When I was a teen I spent several days with a great-aunt and shared a room with my cousin who was much older than me. I was never explicitly told what I should do with my dirty clothes, especially since I could take them home to be washed. Not knowing what to do, being too shy to ask, I put them under the bed. I wasn't hiding them, it was just a place to keep them until I packed to go home. Well, one of them found them and I was so embarrassed. I don't remember if they provided a bag, washed them or what.
My point is, since it is not his "normal" home he may not be sure what to do or because of dementia doesn't remember. You may already have done this but if not, have a specific container "inside" his room to place them. If you find any, you may want to try putting them in the container in front of him with a polite reminder where they should go... or hold the container and ask him to put them all in. Depending on the level of his dementia it may be lost energy and another sign his dementia is progressing. One way to feel out if it is simply dementia, when doing the laundry ask him if he has any more dirty clothes and he may make the effort to look for the ones he hid. It is probably best to ask him while in his room to help jar his memory. In other words, sometimes when not in the same room the dirty clothes may not exist. My husband once went to our bedroom door and stood there. When I asked what he needed, he answered he was just looking to see what was on the other side of the wall.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Or, purchase anti-strip jumpsuits for people with dementia (aka "adaptive clothing") so he cannot remove his undies without your assistance.
On amazon.com or Silverts.com
Once he was in home hospice, they gave her the same advice that many have written here— to get rid of all his cotton underwear and replace with Depends which were to be left out in plain view. She eventually did this. He hated them and kept complaining they did not feel right- too loose, too tight, scratchy, etc. We tried many sizes and styles. Anyway, he took to hiding used Depends also. He would remove them, leave them on the floor, under his bed, in his bed, or in the closet and then put his sweat pants back on, commando style. She started telling him they could not watch TV until he could prove he had the Depends on which sometimes worked. Sometimes she would find him walking or crawling around the house naked from the waist down. He was never 100% incontinent until the last 48 hours of his life but it was really inconsistent. Waterproof bed covers and chair covers definitely helped.
I feel like part of the commitment to caring for a dementia person at home should be taking charge of what they can’t. Some minimal standard of hygiene. It’s not easy.
good luck!!
I have never been a fan of the "stages" or labels that are put on dementia. My Husband was able to do some things far longer than he should have been and unable to do other things. So "moderate" dementia to one person is different than "moderate" to another.
It is time that you accompany dad to the bathroom and monitor him.
In the morning you get to him before he gets up and help him.
If he is getting up at night and "hiding" his soiled underwear you get him PJ's that he can't get out of. You can also make sure he goes to the bathroom before he goes to bed.
Incontinence is the involuntary discharge of urine, stool, or both. It can be minor, involving only a few drops of urine or a small amount of stool, or it can be major, with a complete uncontrolled discharge.
Incontinence is a prominent feature of dementia, generally happening during the late stage, and sometimes as early as the middle stage. When it first happens, it’s a shocking experience for both the patient and their caregiver. Although incontinence is something that will happen sooner or later, it often makes its debut when it’s least expected, and most inconvenient.
Incontinence can remain unnoticed by family members and caregivers for a long time. It is a source of significant embarrassment for patients, who will do everything possible to hide it from others.
In the beginning, incontinence is sporadic, but slowly it turns into an everyday affair. The best you can do is to prepare for it and learn how to handle it before it arrives on the scene. From then on, it will be a constant companion for the rest of the journey.
Why It Happens
While incontinence can happen at any age, it is more common in older people. It is usually the result of weakness of the muscles that control urine and stool discharge. Women sometimes develop minor urinary incontinence that results in occasional discharge of small amounts of urine when they cough, sneeze, or laugh. Men may develop minor urinary incontinence due to prostate problems. Major incontinence, in contrast, is usually due to underlying diseases and medication side effects.
Incontinence and Dementia
In dementia, incontinence has its roots in the progressive destruction of brain cells. As brain processing capacity is increasingly impaired, the chain of events from sensing the need to go to the bathroom, to understanding that sensation, to neuromuscular activation to get up and find one’s way to the bathroom is interrupted, impairing the patient’s ability to handle this most routine of daily and personal activities. The problem is compounded by a number of related issues:
· The patient may realize the urge to use the bathroom too late.
· After realizing the need to go, the patient’s reaction may be slow and further hindered by joint stiffness and arthritis pain.
· The patient may refuse to accept help. They may be embarrassed and prefer to use the bathroom alone. They might be trying to hide their incontinence from others.
· The patient may not be able to express that they need to use the bathroom to get the assistance they need from their caregiver. They may have difficulty understanding when a caregiver asks if they need to go or reminds them that it is time to go.
· The patient may not be able to find the bathroom. They may be confused about its location and may not remember how to use it. They might confuse the flowerpot or the garbage bin for a toilet.
· The patient may reach the bathroom and then be confused as to what to do next. They may not remember how to pull their pants down and sit on the toilet.
Long before the first bout of incontinence, you can begin to set the stage to delay its onset or reduce its effects. Once incontinence does arrive on the scene, these same precautions now baked into the patient’s daily routine can help reduce the burden of incontinence for everyone involved.
Structure Routines to Improve Incontinence
· Encourage the patient to go to the bathroom every hour. Make bathroom visits a regularly scheduled activity in the patient’s daily routine.
· Make a mental note of the patient’s movements, behavior, and utterances when they need to use the bathroom. Then watch for those clues to detect when it is time to lead the patient to the bathroom.
· Have the patient wear loose-fitting
Educate yourself on dementia/behavior (google Teepa Snow) - watch You Tubes.
When you take on the responsibility of a person with dementia in your home, you take on all these 'brain changes' behavior, too.
* I note you do not ask us a question here.
* What do you want to do? Deal with / understand the behavior or the odor?
If I were you, I would either hire (more) caregivers / housekeepers to manage this behavior as much as possible
or
consider it is time for placement into a facility that can manage these behaviors.
Know that his dementia will increase and create 'more' / other behaviors that are challenging to you. If I were you, I would start to research AL facilities or at the very least, consider what you want to do. There is no going back with dementia. It is a progressive disease or condition.
* It may be between paying a caregiver for daily care and placement.
Gena / Touch Matters
My point is, since it is not his "normal" home he may not be sure what to do or because of dementia doesn't remember. You may already have done this but if not, have a specific container "inside" his room to place them. If you find any, you may want to try putting them in the container in front of him with a polite reminder where they should go... or hold the container and ask him to put them all in. Depending on the level of his dementia it may be lost energy and another sign his dementia is progressing. One way to feel out if it is simply dementia, when doing the laundry ask him if he has any more dirty clothes and he may make the effort to look for the ones he hid. It is probably best to ask him while in his room to help jar his memory. In other words, sometimes when not in the same room the dirty clothes may not exist. My husband once went to our bedroom door and stood there. When I asked what he needed, he answered he was just looking to see what was on the other side of the wall.
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