My mom 51 years old and was diagnosed bi-polar with schizophrenic tendencies about 15 years ago and is on some serious meds. She had weight loss surgery in 1999 and lost 270 pounds, but has since gained most of it back because all she does is eat. My dad left her in January 2011 and my husband and I moved in to help get her on her feet, but it is obvious she should not live alone! She gets up 4-6 times a night to smoke and eat. She wears Adult Pull-ups because she pees and poops herself and then doesn't shower. I've tried talking to her, and asking her to shower, but she just ignores me most days or tries to act like we're just being mean. My husband and I have had it with her and plan to move in 2 months. I would really like to get her into an assisted living home, but she doesn't have Medicaid or Medicare because she is on my dads insurance until their divorce is final. I had her fill out the Medicaid forms and mail them into Dept of Human Services yesterday, but is there anything I can do to get this process moving faster? And WHY is she acting like this? Could she have another disease? I am falling apart emotionally and it seems like no one knows how to help me.
Any help would be more then appreciated.
I couldn't even begin to understand what Caregivers go through each and every day until now... It is emotionally draining and completely heart breaking. I have the utmost respect and appreciation for each and every one you.
HUGS,
Tiffany
I can see why you'd be furious. This is NOT going the way you want it to, and you are trying so hard. Grrrrrr... I could be wrong, but I highly doubt that your mother is having the bathroom episodes deliberately, at least at a conscious level. That doesn't make it easier for you, I know. I wonder if her incontinence of bowel is related to her barriatric surgery and her overeating now? (Which leads to the question of why she is overeating, I know.)
I have a bi-polar brother and a husband with dementia. Something that has helped me immensely to deal with them both is to learn as much as I could about their specific conditions. It surprised me and gave me a different perspective to read that some of my brother's very aggravating behaviors are common among people with his condition. That doesn't mean I am not trying to help him overcome those behaviors, it just removes the personal element. He isn't doing this "to me." He is doing this because some circuits are haywire in his brain. If you can find out more specifically what your mother's diagnosis is and then read up on it, that might make it easier to detach from her behavior. Might. But there is no magic. It is hard, hard, hard to live with people with mental disabilities.
Meanwhile, continue with your plans to establish a new household for you and hubby. Sacrificing your mental health for your mom's won't fix anything. I can see that you are not abandoning her and you are trying to set something helpful to her in montion. Do your best and give up the guilt.
Best wishes for you and your family!
Any mental illness -- dementia, bi-polar disroder, schizophrenia -- doesn't happen just to one person, it happens to the entire family. Get all the support and help you can. Start with social services.
Good luck, and come back to let us know what is happening.
She will not go to the ER because she feels there isn't a problem, and I will not force her. She needs tough love but I just can't do it. I think a call to Social Services is the best thing to do for now. =( Especially if they can get things moving faster.
And you're right my dad should't have left her in her condition, but now I understand why now... he felt helpless. He's been dealing with this for 8 years now and none of us in the family had a clue how bad it was. I am so very sad that this is the way things have ended up and am on the verge of a mental break down. I just wish I could have my mom back. =(
What is the Gross Out Site?