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My spouse is unspecified dementia was just placed into Memory Care about 10 days ago. Overall, he is adjusting well; better than I expected. I have been visiting 1 or 2 times per day. Mornings are better - but they have always been the better time of day for him. So I generally see him in the morning or early afternoon. He still gets agitated. I'm not quite sure how to word my question. But it has to do with visiting - more other people, than me - and if the visiting can or does cause additional stress and then resulting agitation? So consequently, while everyone wants to see him, I wonder if that is good or not? And are there ideas about what causes the agitation? Is it because he has to try hard to focus when visiting with others and that is hard? Or because perhaps he knows that he is not quite conversing "appropriately" and that stresses him? Or is it because it reminds him that he is a different place? Or all of those things and more? It does seem that when all he has to do is sit with the other residents and have nonsensical conversations with them and play the easy games, he is more relaxed although also perhaps abit bored? Any experiences or thoughts on this. I hate to cut him off from others; so many people want to see him. But if it is a reminder to him of what he has lost and causes anxiety vs pleasure/enjoyment, should I try to restrict? Or am I overthinking/worrying (which is what I do) and should just go with the flow and let it be?

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He is still adjusting . It’s a lot for him to handle right now . Ask the visitors to limit visits to twice a week for now and keep the visits short, 10- 15 minutes , and early in the day .
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Reply to waytomisery
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I wouldn't try to restrict his visitors unless his agitation becomes so bad that you are asked to do so by the facility management, and even then I'd explore other options like calming medications as needed. The sad truth is people tend to stop visiting after dementia becomes pronounced and too many spend their final years forgotten.
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Reply to cwillie
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Fawnby Apr 18, 2025
My husband is currently in memory care. It's true that many of the residents rarely have visitors. Some never have any. It's also true that they really don't seem to care. I'm there with my husband almost every day, and at first I felt sad for those who have no visitors. Then I noticed that they're apathetic about everything. That's the nature of dementia, eventually. I now understand that visitors fell away because once their LO doesn't know who they are or why they are there, there's not much point in visiting other than checking to make sure they're being treated well.
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Sundowning is quite common in the later part of the day. If he is causing a disturbance, then mention this to his doctor...Perhaps just visit him early and hold the 2nd visits for now
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Reply to MACinCT
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My hub has been in MC now 18 mo. He had a TBI that has gone into Alzheimer’s. Initially in I stayed away almost 2 weeks to let him adjust and them to see how he was. Due to his level he thought I was there all the time not realizing I wasn’t. I had been caregiver(retired RN) for him for over 5 years since accident and when he started roaming in middle of nite and we have a pool every time alarms would go off I’d have to fine out where he was , when it started affecting my health the decision was made for memory care. They take wonderful care of him and are like family. I go every Tue and Thurs and on occasion extra day or two . Time makes no difference with him because he is not oriented at all. He no longer does any ADLs … doesn’t feed self, bathe brush his teeth and is incontinent. He doesn’t recognize faces nor knows names. His BF has visited 3 times in 18 mo. He missed our son’s wedding and kids visit usually once a mo. He knows they are familiar but nothing else . We had so many plans for early retirement and made many memories that I have but he has “lost”. It’s very sad that he’s still physically here and I love him dearly but that’s all that’s left is his shell. I highly recommend counseling both individual and attending group if your facility offers it it’s made a difference for me and I’ve found that I am able to help the newbie loved ones adjust to their new reality and that they are not alone. Take care of yourself now too… I had for 5 years put myself at the bottom of the list and that wasn’t good. Since he’s taken care of I’m now at the top. I take care of me now physically and emotionally and even ventured on the AK trip we had planned taking pics of things we wanted to see and shared them with him… he thought he went too sayin he remembered this and that but also lost interest within seconds. I wear the key to his heart he gave me on our wedding day all the time never taking it off and added a whales tail that is a symbol for lovebirds next to it … he truly is my one and only…. Always take pics when you visit … that goofy look will later bring a smile to your face … you can still make memories you’ll cherish but they are different
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Reply to Db2024
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If mornings are better, encourage people to visit him then. Then you take a day or two off to take care of you.

Ask the staff to notify you if the visits are causing him distress. No one knows what is taking place in a demented brain, don't try to figure it out, you will make yourself crazy.
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Reply to Isthisrealyreal
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