She is moving with her able bodied husband. She doesn’t really grasp that she will be moving. Wonders about all the activity in her house with children cleaning out the attic and basement. She has always felt attached to her stuff. I am afraid she will not adjust to a new environment. She sometimes gets confused about her familiar surroundings like where the bathroom
is off her Master bedroom that she has used for 39 years. How can I help her manage this transition?
Is there a way to set up the new place with all the comforts of her old home without her having to be in that process, and instead she just gets to move into a new place that's already all set up with familiar things for her?
If she can't remember where the bathroom is in her home of 39 years, she likely will forget where it is in the new place, too. But I'm imagining the new place is much smaller so maybe she'll find the bathroom easier in that environment.
Is it really necessary to do all that "activity" before the move happens? The primary concerns should be the necessities they would need in their new place - which furniture, perhaps 2 sets of bedding, clothing, shoes, etc. Anything that doesn't make the first move can come later, if it's appropriate and necessary. Save the flurry of activity, cleaning, getting rid of stuff, etc for later, when she isn't there.
There is a couple next door to my mom who moved to assisted living. The husband and wife are about mid 60’s and he is able bodied. What he gets is nurses that gives meds and treatments, food prepared and delivered, laundry service, apartment is cleaned weekly and trash is removed. It is cheaper than having in home help and his wife gets to have him with her without him carrying the full load. They get to be with each other. Care from in house doctors, podiatrist, psychiatrist, PT/OT is monthly. The 24 hour care is now manageable because he has a village to help him. My husband and I are looking to doing something similar when we need to. After caring for mom full time and her declining due to her condition, my husband and I said this AL would be the way to be together without the entire responsibility on one person.
However, I believe sooner than you may think, wife will need more care than hubby will be able to give without adversely harming his own health. So I hope family is also planning for wife - in home aid or AL.
I agree with others, try and arrange the new apartment as close to how her rooms are arranged as much as the new space will allow. Also don't be surprised if her dementia temporarily or permanently worsens with the stress of the move and upset to her routine. This in No Way says the move shouldn't be made.
Getting her into a new routine after the move as quickly as possible might be the best way for her to deal with the move.
Good luck
there can also be levels of care too in assisted living which are almost skilled care.
but independent living can provide help so that residents are helped in ways that would not necessitate having in-home help but a person can move from independent to assisted to skilled or memory care. It is not just moving from someones home to an apartment with nothing done tho.
designations are determined by the state depending on the level of care given but there is always assistance of some kind in all.
Whichever they choose, make the room as familiar as possible to her old surroundings.
Luckily the living room was almost identical in footprint to what he had before. The kitchen he didn't care because my Mom wouldn't allow him in the kitchen until the meal was ready :P
And Dad had the sunshine pouring in like he had at home :)