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Those of you who are familiar with my situation, know the history of my childhood and etc. Long story short, I’m not looking forward to the holiday season. My father is in a facility after a long and hard process. I know that there will be some type of argument soon because he keeps asking about days that have off for Thanksgiving and Christmas. I wish I could afford to be out of town but I can’t and I’m not going to spend my entire holiday vacation with him. I hate that things are like this and they should not be. I’m going to try my best to leave town to enjoy myself because I deserve it but if something happens and I can’t, I’m needing suggestions on how to enjoy the holidays alone. I live in an area where there is nothing to do. I have a couple or relatives close by but usually when we get together, there is always some type of disagreement. I’m just trying to keep my mood up because I can feel the depression setting in. Also it doesn’t help that my mom died two days after Christmas many years ago.

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I hate that SO much attention is focused on The Holidays, that SO much stress ensues, year after year, like clockwork. Thanksgiving is a day to eat too much in celebration of the harvest and other blessings of the year. So order in some food from your favorite restaurant, don't take your housecoat off, and watch some movies.

Christmas is Jesus's birthday. Which we've turned into a season that starts before Halloween, sends us into debt, and causes depression if we're not having Facebook moments to share. I'm so sorry you lost your mom during Christmas. This year, in her memory, pamper yourself instead of others. Give yourself a spa day at home and relax. Buy yourself a lovely gift and eat some of your favorite food.

Avoid giving your father any details of your days off, and see him briefly at your convenience. If it's never good enough anyway, why kill yourself? That was my motto with my mother in the last few years.
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cxmoody Oct 28, 2024
This. Spot on, as usual!
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Well last year for Thanksgiving I was just feeling the need to get away by myself and just regroup and spend time with God and in prayer.
So I rented a condo at the beach oceanfront for the week, and just enjoyed the sound of the pounding waves, and the tranquility of being by myself with God.
It was actually life changing, as when we're still and quiet before Him, it is then that He can speak to us without all the distractions of life.
I HIGHLY recommend it if at all possible, whether you do it for Thanksgiving or Christmas or both.
You do you, and don't worry about what others think or say.
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faithfulbeauty Oct 28, 2024
I agree. Sitting and quiet with God is wonderful. I often turn the volume down on my tv and just sit. I'm definitely going to try to leave town and I'm not able to, I will focus on me.
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Reading, eating and staying away from anyone who doesn't make you smile is the way to go.
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You can fib and tell Dad you went away all or part of the time . Otherwise he will be wanting you there or bugging you to bring him home on your days off .

Don’t share with him what your days off are either . You have to stop being so honest with him regarding your own life .

I’d read , watch movies , bake , go for a walk , purge a closet . Maybe one day go to a spa .
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Reply to waytomisery
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This is the man who did nothing for you or Mom growing up, right? You do not owe it to him to spend the holidays with him. His facility will probably put on a dinners. You can joined him or not. Maybe go for TG and just a nice gift and a little visit Christmas. Your Dad is in the position he is because of the choices he made. You have done more than enough for this man. I live on the East coast and Williamsburg is not too far. They put on a great Christmas. You can just be alone. Lots of people do this and enjoy the peace and quiet. Block Dad. Buy a premade dinner from a diner the day before. Heat that up and watch Hallmark all day.
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faithfulbeauty Oct 28, 2024
@JoAnn, I usually look forward to alone time but for some reason this year is different. I really need to get out of town and I'm going to try very hard to do that. I think I have been through so much it is taking a BIG toll on me. I am back in therapy again and it is helping but I love this group because so many of us have been through the same thing. If I do end up staying home, I will prepare myself meal and will buy part of it. :)
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Do what is best for you. Don’t give your dad your schedule and enjoy the season. All of us caregivers here on this site deserve to have some joy during the holidays.
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faithfulbeauty Oct 28, 2024
We definitely deserve some joy!!!!
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Faithful, what do you love most?
Several times during my life I have spent a quiet hour or two just making a list. It includes everything I can think of - sights, smells, sounds, tastes, textures, patterns, colors, locations, the whole ‘raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens’ thing. The list has become longer and more detailed over time but, it’s funny, I’ve never taken anything off!
Looking at it and adding to it is comforting and it gives me a place to start when I’m feeling restless. It’s a shortcut if you’re looking for somewhere to visit or an activity when you have time on your hands. It’s super positive and therapeutic. I highly recommend it.
Use your holiday time to start your list!
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faithfulbeauty Oct 29, 2024
I love spending time with my daughter and pets, watching good movies, window shopping, nice restaurants, reading, cooking/baking and traveling when I can. I also like decorating during the holidays and yard work in the summer. I’m trying hard to get back to enjoying the things I love! Since posting my question yesterday, looks like I might be able to get out of town for the holidays! Y’all send up prayer that it works out!
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Many people find it satisfying to do some sort of service on holidays like volunteering at a shelter to serve a meal or visiting people who are shut-ins.

If you don't get along with your local relatives, what about your friends? Surely, there must be a friend who would love to have you for the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays. Or maybe like you've said get out of town. Would your daughter be interested in taking a holiday vacation with you?

It's hard to be alone on holidays. I hope you find something fun.
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Reply to BurntCaregiver
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cover9339 Oct 29, 2024
Not necessarily, burnt. Sometimes it pays to be alone on the holidays. No stress, no mess, no worries.
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It's just going to be and my mom for this year's holiday. We are just going to make a few dishes that we like and hang out at home, maybe go for a drive. If I was by myself, I would either go somewhere warm and relax or spend the time at home. I have seen things on facebook where people offer to have someone who doesn't have anywhere to go on holidays to come and celebrate with them.

In a way, it's kind of nice to not get together with family. There's no expectations or awkwardness. My siblings might get in a fight or just be pissy at the holidays or make fun of their presents. I'm going to try to look at the positives year and think about happier things.
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Reply to EmotionallyNumb
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I limit the time with my Dad during the holiday season, including rescheduling things so that we can enjoy time with others. You can have a meal with him in December, exchange gifts and cards, and then enjoy your holidays the way you want to. My suggest is to go and look at the decorations somewhere.
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