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How do you talk to this person without getting mad? I'm always wrong and when I try to talk, she just gets madder. How do I communicate? As of now it's getting worse.
You should talk to them as you would if they didn't have Alzheimer's, with a calm loving voice. And you must remember that someone with dementia often loses their ability to comprehend the spoken word which can make things more challenging as well. But the key is to keep calm and not lose your temper. That is often easier said than done,(when they've asked you the same question 10 times in 15 minutes)but if you want to keep peace with her you must try your best to remain calm. You will both reap the benefits of you doing so. And you should never argue with a person with dementia as you will NEVER win, as I'm sure you already know. All it will do is make her mad and you mad too. If she says the sky is green, you just say "and it's such a pretty green isn't it?" So just go along with whatever she says and you will be surprised just how much more peace there will be between the 2 of you. And educate yourself more about the disease of dementia. Teepa Snow(a dementia expert)has a lot of great videos on YouTube along with several books she's written. The book The 36 Hour Day is also a great resource. I believe it all boils down to the Golden Rule. Do unto other as you would have them to unto you. So think about how you would want someone to treat you if you had Alzheimer's and it may just give you a whole new perspective.
It's an adjustment for sure to learn to converse with someone who is no longer in the real world. My suggestion is to read up on the disease. In the meantime try to find your own manner of conversation that works for you. If the person is combative, angry, or accusatory it is much more difficult. Learn what sets them off and avoid those conversations when possible. Try to redirect their attention to another topic. If they are simply confused and forgetful, don't expect them to be any different. They can't be. Realize they are doing their best. Don't ask them to remember. Go along with anything that seems nonsense to you but they are convinced of. Answer the continuous repeat of the same questions with different answers if you want to amuse yourself with creativity, but only do this if it isn't dangerous to do so. Your frustration will make them more confused and conversation will get worse, so try to stay calm. Think about why you are angry. Are you just afraid of losing the person you knew? Make sure they have everything and everyone they need to be safe.
Let them carry the conversation and don't argue. Don't say ""that never happened" Their reality becomes dreams, TV and the real world all jumbled together. When I talked to my Mom it was to answer question she had and I answered in very few words because she didn't process well. We never had conversations as such. My daughter was really good with her. She came once a week to do her laundry. She would sit on Moms bed and just allow Mom to talk. Her answers were, "really" "oh thats nice" "I know what you mean". She never corrected Mom, just went with the flow. Moms eyes lit up when M walked into the room. I found sometimes Mom just talked, not really to anyone in particular. Like what ever was going thru her mind came out of her mouth. Then one day she said "I guess no one is listening to me"
Yes go with the flow….I’ve found that having a couple of tried and true diversion topics helps a lot. For my mom it’s animals. She likes animals and I veer over to talking about my pets when things start getting wonky. It’s worth experimenting with topics to see where the diversion happy place is.
Of course a lot depends on where they are cognitively, and if you have to get them to DO something that’s a whole other can of worms.
Being 80 years old yourself, this cannot be an easy thing to be caring for your wife who's suffering from Alzheimers/dementia which is EXTREMELY difficult to deal with every day. I'm so sorry you're suffering right along with her. I do think you should consider placing her in Memory Care Assisted Living if her care becomes too much for you.
I suggest you read this 33 page booklet which has the best information ever about managing dementia and what to expect with an elder who's been diagnosed with it.
Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580
Jennifer is a nurse who worked for many years as an educator and counsellor for people with dementia and their families, as well as others in caring roles. She addresses the emotional and grief issues in the contexts in which they arise for families living with dementia. The reviews for her books are phenomenal b/c they are written in plain English & very easy to read/understand. Her writings have been VERY helpful for me.
The full copy of her book is available here: https://www.amazon.com/Thoughtful-Dementia-Care-Understanding-Experience/dp/B09WN439CC/ref=sr_1_2?crid=2E7WWE9X5UFXR&keywords=jennifer+ghent+fuller+books&qid=1657468364&sprefix=jennifer+ghent%2Caps%2C631&sr=8-2
Here is a list of useful tips from her e-book I found to be excellent:
The “Dont's” · Do not reason and argue · Do not demand that they reason or problem-solve · Do not demand that they remember · Do not demand that they get their facts straight · Do not correct their ideas or scold them · Do not reorient them · Do not think that they are being uncooperative on purpose · Do not think that they really do remember, but are pretending not to · Do not use a “bossy” dictatorial attitude in care · Do not act with impatience
The Do's · Enter into their frame of reality, or their 'world' · Be aware of their mood or state of mind · Use few words and simple phrases · OR use no words, just friendly gestures and simple motions · Do everything slowly · Approach from the front · Wait for a slow response · Constantly reassure them that everything is 'OK' · Keep people with dementia comfortable 'in the moment' - every moment · Maximize use of remaining abilities · Limit TV or radio programs which they may feel are frighteningly real · Maintain privacy · Provide a safe physical environment
Language Needs · Use short words · Use clear and simple sentences · Speak slowly and calmly · Questions should ask for a “yes” or “no” answer · Talk about one thing at a time · Talk about concrete things; not abstract ideas · Use common phrases · Always say what you are doing · If they repeat their question, repeat your answer as you did the first time · Give them a longer time to process information · Wait patiently for a response · Be accepting of inappropriate answers and nonsense words · Speak softly, soothingly and gently
Hire in home help to give YOU a break from all the aggravation. Think about placement for your wife where you can go see her daily & then come home to rest & relax w/o the burden of caregiving all on your shoulders alone.
Wishing you the best of luck with a tough situation.
Go along to get along. It’s the easiest way. It goes against many of our own human natures because we instinctively want to help and “fix” people. I have found that not correcting and not asking/demanding my father to remember gets the best results. Asking someone to remember when they can’t is like telling a tense person to relax. Both with get anxious and frustrated.
For instance, he looked me square in the face and said “That Pittsburgh you bought was really delicious”. I had zero idea what he was talking about so I just said, “Oh good, I’m so glad you liked it.” He walked away happy and I was left to wonder what he could possibly mean. With some thinking I think he was talking about the honey baked ham I served him on Christmas Eve, even though he said it about a week after Christmas. But standing there grilling him on what he meant would have done nothing for him or me.
When he is looking for something and can’t find the right word for the object I just pretend to look with him and then say “Well, I’m sure it’s here somewhere. It will turn up when I’m cleaning.” And then divert to something else.
Sometimes he will have his phone in his hand and be yelling he can’t find his phone. He thinks it’s the TV remote, or is looking for something else entirely but calling it a phone. I will call his phone from my phone and if it is his phone he is looking for that will solve it. Otherwise I just say, “ I can’t find stuff all the time. It will turn up.”
BUT I put my foot down at yelling and screaming. I know his brain is broken but I will not be yelled at. Especially when I am just trying to help him gently through whatever the episode of the hour is. So I say calmly, “I’m not sure if you can hear how loud you are getting, but you must stop yelling at me.” If he doesn’t, I walk away and tell him I won’t help him further until he stops yelling, that I will NOT be yelled at. Sometimes he stops, sometimes he keeps yelling and I walk away and he just sits on the couch in an huff until it passes.
It’s a tough journey. I find the path of least resistance better for me and him.
You will be "wrong" in your wife's eyes anytime you contradict how she sees things. Do not try to "correct" her. If she thinks prowlers are lurking outside, go outside and "check on that" for her. If she remembers a trip you both took to the moon, let her talk about how much she enjoyed that trip. If she says she needs to go home to take care of her parents, agree that she must miss them. Tell her you love het and keep her safe. Our best to you.
Communicating with her is similar to communication with a toddler at this point. Don't use an angry tone of voice or try to reason with her or have a logical explanation with her. If you say 'no' to her on something do not try to explain yourself. No is simply no and that's it. It's okay to go along with some delusions so long as they do not have the potential to be harmful to her or others. For example, I had a homecare client years ago with Alzheimer's who thought she was a former Miss America. She wasn't, but this particular delusion was harmless and made her happy so everyone indulged her in it. Her daughter even bought her a tiara that she liked to show people. Other delusions you should not go along with. Like claims of abuse when there are none, or going along with their being prowlers in the bushes when there aren't. I've had dementia clients who showtimed well and were very believable in their delusions. Like the one who claimed her daughter was starving her and locking her in a closet. All of this was a lie and every time she'd start up saying this when I was with her, I'd simply tell her in a calm voice that it wasn't true. I would not discuss it further and she would not get another word out of me on that subject. Your wife is at the point where she is going to villify you and you're always going to be wrong. Now is the time when you may want to start exploring the option of placing her in memory care. Of course you love her and want to do what's best for her. Ruining the rest of your life trying to keep her home won't make any of it better. I hope that at the very least you have some homecare coming in so you can get a break from her. This is very important. When you're dealing with Alzheimer's or any kind of dementia, no one should do it alone. When it's only one person taking care of the demented LO and that person has been villified by them in their mind and they're always wrong, it creates the perfect conditions for abuse to happen. It happens when there's no help. I had a client years ago who lived with her DIL and son. Her DIL was with her 24/7. All the work. We were friends, but I quit them for a better position. She was going it alone. Long story short one day the DIL lost it and hit her MIL hard. She's a good woman and a good friend. After this her husband put his mother in memory care even though MIL coerced them both years back into promising not to put her "in a home". They had to renege on that promise and rightly so. Please start looking into some managed care for your wife.
Simple I just ignore them and agree with anything they say. They usually forget in a short time. I pretend I am interested an listen to them then go off somewhere else
Hello. I'm just echoing what other people have said. When my mom had Alzheimer's, I had to learn, as others have said, not to correct her, (unless her safety or health was involved, like making sure she was appropriately dressed for the weather; she couldn't walk out without a coat when it was cold, for example). If she thought it was Tuesday, buit it was really Wednesday, what's the harm in having her think it was a different day of the week. (When Covid first started, when our work, school, and activity schedules shifted, many people got days confused.) I had to have a different mindset when dealing with my mom. like others ahve said, it was like dealing with a toddler, and sometimes like dealing with a toddler who was throwing a tantrum. (She wanted a glass of juice when she wanted it, not 5 minutes after I finished a phone call.) Sometimes she'd be "in a mood," and I just had to wait for the storm to pass. I even wrote a book about our trials and travails called "My Mother Has Alzheimer's and My Dog Has Tapeworms: A Caregiver's Tale." I found writing it cathartic for me, and as it turned out, helpful for other people as well. I also learned, over time, not to approach her from the back, as that would startle her. I couldn't tap her on the shoulder to tell her something; if she was walking away from me, like walking down our hallway, I had to call her name, she'd turn around, and then I could tell her something. I also learned not to take her insults personally. I knew it was the disease talking. Best of luck.
I know that it's difficult but it doesn't matter if you're right. Alzheimer's doesn't care. Humor her. She isn't capable of determining what's real and what's not so why put her through the stress of arguing about it? It's difficult. My mom suffers from a traumatic brain injury from 2017 that affects her as if she has dementia/Alzheimer's that's getting worse. Thank goodness I'm trained in home healthcare otherwise I'd be crazy by now. It's a challenge. Hang in there. She's still in there, just behind the fog. 🌻
Humoring them and indulging in harmless delusions are fine. As long as they are harmless. Going along with a demented person's delusion about there being prowlers in the bushes when there aren't or agreeing with them when they accuse others of abuse because they have villified these people in their minds, is not okay. Supporting them in these kinds of delusions and going along with it, validates the nonsense and can make them even more paranoid and increase their anxiety. Don't humor on everything.
My BIL has dementia and what we do is always agree with him. You can't tell them they are wrong on anything. We have learned that we redirect him on things to get him off of a subject. How we ground him is tell him you have your recliner and etc things there so it calms him down.
Just go with the flow in other words. She maybe wrong with things but you don't correct them.
Just agree with everything they say. Its really the only way, because correcting them only aggravates them. You don’t have to be right or prove her wrong. The only thing that may come into play is if there’s an issue of safety.
Caregiving for dementia patients is learning how to bite your tongue, and hide your feelings. That’s why supports groups are invaluable.
Lots of good answers here. My husband liked to play catch with a koosh ball as a distraction, or sing. Put music on. Other distractions: He liked old slapstick cartoons we could watch together, fishtank videos, and silent walking tours of places we've been. All on YouTube.
I often just walk away when dh starts to become argumentative and tell myself, "You can't reason with a broken brain." As much as I want to engage, I choose not to because it only escalates in a bad way.
It's too late for communication, just a few words and walk away if anger erupts.
I have purchased CBD to help my husband calm his internal chaos; I absolutely refuse to engage if the conversation erupts into anger, insults or yelling. One hint of that and he finds himself alone in his theatrics. He was always a gentle person; all of the changes in the past few years make me miss the old husband I had: I took his gentle nature for granted.
My mom is nearly deaf and has severe dementia so I've started to just sing silly songs about silly things. I really can't communicate meaningful information with her so I just find some way to interact. Sometimes I just point at pictures and let her talk. It's very frustrating. I hope you find away to engage with her that works for both of you.
This was helpful: https://www.alzconnected.org/uploadedFiles/understanding-the-dementia-experience.pdf
And this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ilickabmjww
The Teepa Snow series on youtube have some excellent videos on how to communicate as well as what changes are going on physically that make communication challenging.
I have a different experience I want to share. Sure, let them talk and nod and smile, blah, blah, blah. BUT. Scene — my father is in the hospital comatose (due to her negligence) and my elderly mom is there, spinning her incredible, not to be believed tales, and the medical staff are physically forcing my brother and I into the hallway, demanding to know what is wrong with her? Seriously? She is totally insane with Swiss cheese for brains and ER people are asking what is wrong with her? Waiting for a table in a local restaurant she she is telling the overflow crowd lie after lie. They are nodding yet looking to me for proof? Woo-Hoo, folks -Do you have brains? Put on a thinking cap.
Has the world gone crazy? If somebody in their 90s starts telling others that the man next door sends them codes by turning on the car lights (when it is dark out), time to be a critical thinker.
Even, EVEN the neurologist we went to for her diagnosis of Alzheimer’s believed many of the things she said and was shocked when I had to correct the wild stories.
'Swiss cheese for brains' is an apt description, sadly. I realized this had become my mom's 'new normal' when chatting on the phone one Sunday. This was back when the little Cuban boy, age 6, was rescued from the ocean and George Bush was running for president. I told mom about the little boy being saved (tho his mother drowned), and mentioned it was an election year. My mom replied, "WHO would want a 6-year old President?" It was heartbreakingly funny; I agreed, "You're right, mom, who would want a 6yr old for president!" (cue the irony re Bush, but I digress.) That exchange with my mom told me her brain could no longer function, make proper connections, etc. That's when you must stop trying to make Them 'make sense.' Any sort of clarity comes and goes until it goes forever. To me it really was like a regression into infantile helplessness and inability to reason/think. It's like the old bad joke, "The light is on but nobody's home." Be compassionate but don't make yourself crazy trying to fight this progressive illness, making the afflicted understand because they simply cannot. It's not personal.
I can't add anything to the great list from leolonnie1, but one tip given me by an alzheimer's speech/communication therapist (the best support service given me by my husband's neurologist!) was to get a white board. I found a great desk-top sized "easel " white board that I place on a TV tray near my husband's power lift chair. Each evening, before I go to bed, I write the next day's events on it. I use a bulleted list, short phrases (- Doctor, 10:30. Leave @ 9:45. - shower, 3:00). I have home helpers that come in. On days they come, I also add a note if I need to leave to run to the bank...-me, bank @ 2:00. It has saved me lots of time not having to repeat myself. Like others have said here, the therapist also advised me to never engage...the disease has taken over any former ability to interact as they once did. Wherever possible, agree, delay...change the subject if possible. Therapeutic fibbing will save you much heartache. Good luck.
bakerman757: The disease of Alzheimer's is horrible. I am so sorry to read that your wife suffers from the disease. Making it extra difficult is the fact that you, as her caregiver, and she are both octogenarians. Perhaps you can garner knowledge on the disease by reading just one of many publications, 'The 36 Hour Day.' Maybe you'll want to consider placing your DW (Dear Wife) in a managed care facility, quite possibly memory care. Prayers sent for this most difficult of times.
I went through this. Don't argue. Whatever they say is right. I was the worse daughter ever, I just ignored that and continued on. My Daddy said that my friend, who is 4 months older than me, was at his wedding! Well, I tried to explain to him that it was impossible but he insisted, so, what we all agreed on was to make the story/situation pleasant was to ask questions as to what happened and what she did. He recalled what really happened and we didn't argue, then he would change the subject to something else. You will be wrong and you will be the worse, but you aren't! You taking care of a person with ALZ you are in my prayers! -- Hugs to you and yours and know that you are doing your best!
Enter into THEIR REALITY. If they are say they are going to school, go check for the school bus. It's not there yet, so she will wait (and forget about it in 2 minutes. If she says she has mean kids, tell her you are sorry and are glad she is not mean. Whatever her reality is - go along with it. That's not lying. We need to distract, not argue or show disrespect or disdain for them. In their mind - that's what going on. Describing someone with dementia as Swiss cheese brain is highly disrespectful. Only in America are elderly folks so disrespected. They are a person first. They have unasked for disease called dementia second. So they need compassion and care, and respect - "...do unto others...."? There but by the grace of God go I.
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Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
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Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
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And you should never argue with a person with dementia as you will NEVER win, as I'm sure you already know. All it will do is make her mad and you mad too. If she says the sky is green, you just say "and it's such a pretty green isn't it?"
So just go along with whatever she says and you will be surprised just how much more peace there will be between the 2 of you.
And educate yourself more about the disease of dementia. Teepa Snow(a dementia expert)has a lot of great videos on YouTube along with several books she's written. The book The 36 Hour Day is also a great resource.
I believe it all boils down to the Golden Rule. Do unto other as you would have them to unto you. So think about how you would want someone to treat you if you had Alzheimer's and it may just give you a whole new perspective.
Of course a lot depends on where they are cognitively, and if you have to get them to DO something that’s a whole other can of worms.
I suggest you read this 33 page booklet which has the best information ever about managing dementia and what to expect with an elder who's been diagnosed with it.
Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580
Jennifer is a nurse who worked for many years as an educator and counsellor for people with dementia and their families, as well as others in caring roles. She addresses the emotional and grief issues in the contexts in which they arise for families living with dementia. The reviews for her books are phenomenal b/c they are written in plain English & very easy to read/understand. Her writings have been VERY helpful for me.
The full copy of her book is available here:
https://www.amazon.com/Thoughtful-Dementia-Care-Understanding-Experience/dp/B09WN439CC/ref=sr_1_2?crid=2E7WWE9X5UFXR&keywords=jennifer+ghent+fuller+books&qid=1657468364&sprefix=jennifer+ghent%2Caps%2C631&sr=8-2
Here is a list of useful tips from her e-book I found to be excellent:
The “Dont's”
· Do not reason and argue
· Do not demand that they reason or problem-solve
· Do not demand that they remember
· Do not demand that they get their facts straight
· Do not correct their ideas or scold them
· Do not reorient them
· Do not think that they are being uncooperative on purpose
· Do not think that they really do remember, but are pretending not to
· Do not use a “bossy” dictatorial attitude in care
· Do not act with impatience
The Do's
· Enter into their frame of reality, or their 'world'
· Be aware of their mood or state of mind
· Use few words and simple phrases
· OR use no words, just friendly gestures and simple motions
· Do everything slowly
· Approach from the front
· Wait for a slow response
· Constantly reassure them that everything is 'OK'
· Keep people with dementia comfortable 'in the moment' - every moment
· Maximize use of remaining abilities
· Limit TV or radio programs which they may feel are frighteningly real
· Maintain privacy
· Provide a safe physical environment
Language Needs
· Use short words
· Use clear and simple sentences
· Speak slowly and calmly
· Questions should ask for a “yes” or “no” answer
· Talk about one thing at a time
· Talk about concrete things; not abstract ideas
· Use common phrases
· Always say what you are doing
· If they repeat their question, repeat your answer as you did the first time · Give them a longer time to process information
· Wait patiently for a response
· Be accepting of inappropriate answers and nonsense words
· Speak softly, soothingly and gently
Hire in home help to give YOU a break from all the aggravation. Think about placement for your wife where you can go see her daily & then come home to rest & relax w/o the burden of caregiving all on your shoulders alone.
Wishing you the best of luck with a tough situation.
For instance, he looked me square in the face and said “That Pittsburgh you bought was really delicious”. I had zero idea what he was talking about so I just said, “Oh good, I’m so glad you liked it.” He walked away happy and I was left to wonder what he could possibly mean. With some thinking I think he was talking about the honey baked ham I served him on Christmas Eve, even though he said it about a week after Christmas. But standing there grilling him on what he meant would have done nothing for him or me.
When he is looking for something and can’t find the right word for the object I just pretend to look with him and then say “Well, I’m sure it’s here somewhere. It will turn up when I’m cleaning.” And then divert to something else.
Sometimes he will have his phone in his hand and be yelling he can’t find his phone. He thinks it’s the TV remote, or is looking for something else entirely but calling it a phone. I will call his phone from my phone and if it is his phone he is looking for that will solve it. Otherwise I just say, “ I can’t find stuff all the time. It will turn up.”
BUT I put my foot down at yelling and screaming. I know his brain is broken but I will not be yelled at. Especially when I am just trying to help him gently through whatever the episode of the hour is. So I say calmly, “I’m not sure if you can hear how loud you are getting, but you must stop yelling at me.” If he doesn’t, I walk away and tell him I won’t help him further until he stops yelling, that I will NOT be yelled at. Sometimes he stops, sometimes he keeps yelling and I walk away and he just sits on the couch in an huff until it passes.
It’s a tough journey. I find the path of least resistance better for me and him.
Tell her you love het and keep her safe. Our best to you.
Don't use an angry tone of voice or try to reason with her or have a logical explanation with her.
If you say 'no' to her on something do not try to explain yourself. No is simply no and that's it.
It's okay to go along with some delusions so long as they do not have the potential to be harmful to her or others.
For example, I had a homecare client years ago with Alzheimer's who thought she was a former Miss America. She wasn't, but this particular delusion was harmless and made her happy so everyone indulged her in it. Her daughter even bought her a tiara that she liked to show people.
Other delusions you should not go along with. Like claims of abuse when there are none, or going along with their being prowlers in the bushes when there aren't.
I've had dementia clients who showtimed well and were very believable in their delusions. Like the one who claimed her daughter was starving her and locking her in a closet. All of this was a lie and every time she'd start up saying this when I was with her, I'd simply tell her in a calm voice that it wasn't true. I would not discuss it further and she would not get another word out of me on that subject.
Your wife is at the point where she is going to villify you and you're always going to be wrong.
Now is the time when you may want to start exploring the option of placing her in memory care.
Of course you love her and want to do what's best for her. Ruining the rest of your life trying to keep her home won't make any of it better.
I hope that at the very least you have some homecare coming in so you can get a break from her.
This is very important. When you're dealing with Alzheimer's or any kind of dementia, no one should do it alone. When it's only one person taking care of the demented LO and that person has been villified by them in their mind and they're always wrong, it creates the perfect conditions for abuse to happen.
It happens when there's no help. I had a client years ago who lived with her DIL and son. Her DIL was with her 24/7. All the work. We were friends, but I quit them for a better position. She was going it alone. Long story short one day the DIL lost it and hit her MIL hard. She's a good woman and a good friend. After this her husband put his mother in memory care even though MIL coerced them both years back into promising not to put her "in a home". They had to renege on that promise and rightly so.
Please start looking into some managed care for your wife.
Humoring them and indulging in harmless delusions are fine. As long as they are harmless.
Going along with a demented person's delusion about there being prowlers in the bushes when there aren't or agreeing with them when they accuse others of abuse because they have villified these people in their minds, is not okay. Supporting them in these kinds of delusions and going along with it, validates the nonsense and can make them even more paranoid and increase their anxiety. Don't humor on everything.
Just go with the flow in other words. She maybe wrong with things but you don't correct them.
Prayers
Caregiving for dementia patients is learning how to bite your tongue, and hide your feelings. That’s why supports groups are invaluable.
I have purchased CBD to help my husband calm his internal chaos; I absolutely refuse to engage if the conversation erupts into anger, insults or yelling. One hint of that and he finds himself alone in his theatrics. He was always a gentle person; all of the changes in the past few years make me miss the old husband I had: I took his gentle nature for granted.
https://www.alzconnected.org/uploadedFiles/understanding-the-dementia-experience.pdf
And this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ilickabmjww
The Teepa Snow series on youtube have some excellent videos on how to communicate as well as what changes are going on physically that make communication challenging.
thinking cap.
Has the world gone crazy? If somebody in their 90s starts telling others that the man next door sends them codes by turning on the car lights (when it is dark out), time to be a critical thinker.
Even, EVEN the neurologist we went to for her diagnosis of Alzheimer’s believed many of the things she said and was shocked when I had to correct the wild stories.
I fear for the world.
If she says she has mean kids, tell her you are sorry and are glad she is not mean. Whatever her reality is - go along with it. That's not lying. We need to distract, not argue or show disrespect or disdain for them. In their mind - that's what going on. Describing someone with dementia as Swiss cheese brain is highly disrespectful. Only in America are elderly folks so disrespected. They are a person first. They have unasked for disease called dementia second. So they need compassion and care, and respect - "...do unto others...."? There but by the grace of God go I.