After 3 months of attempted rehab, we've been told that my 85-y/o mother-in-law is not progressing with therapy and has actually lost ground since her admittance. It's time for her to move to the NH side of the rehab center.
She has multiple health problems, the worst of which being that she is completely incontinent and bed- or wheelchair-bound. She has some AL and dementia but is mostly lucid, though her short term memory is bad.
Hubby is heartsick at having to tell her. She spends our entire daily visit talking, asking, begging to go home and is under the impression that she is getting better, which she isn't, and that it's only a matter of a few weeks before her doc will 'send her home'.
How did you tell your loved one about needing 24/7 care? And that they will not be going back home? I know it will be all hubby's 'fault', even though everyone is in agreement that she is in the best possible place for her needs.
Thanks in advance for sharing your stories. Lis.
Christine, I'm sorry you're at this stage as well. I hope you can find peace in whatever decision you choose. MIL is very headstrong as well - she's fired the last two in-home caregivers we've hired to help. Sometimes it seems they want to stay in control more than they want to get well or be safe!
Hessaw, we've been caring for her in her home for the past 4 years as she's been homebound that long - so she's sort of had her assisted living time already, as we brought in meals, did all shopping, bill-paying, etc. She's now at least a two-person lift and sometimes three helpers are needed, so she's beyond us keeping her at home any longer.
Reverseroles, I'm glad you are able to keep your mom in your home. Hubby and I also care for my folks, ages 85 and 89, who live next door to us. Mom just came home from the hospital today after breaking her shoulder in a fall last week, so at the moment, MIL needs to remain where she is. Another problem, MIL is still sly enough to wait for any caregiver to turn their back even for a moment, then try to get up by herself. It's resulted in two falls already and we need her where she can be safe.