Trying to care for mom in her home and feel unappreciated. I have cleaned bathed her, jumped up to get her everything she wants and she keeps piling it on. For example within 1 hour she wants Cappichino, pickle juice, beet juice, water, soup ( not hot enough, not ground up enough, taste funny), change the tv, find this or that and on and on. If a visiting sibling forgets to bring something she gets upset. If my other sister spends time with a friend instead of mom she is upset, if my brother fixes something in the house she is upset. All her needs are met and she is still upset. It drains me
There is NO reason that when your mom says jump, that you must respond how high?
Instead you make sure that your mom has what she needs at that moment and then walk away or leave and tell her that you'll be back later in the day to check on her.
Just because your mom "wants" something doesn't mean that she has to have it and you and your siblings need to learn how to use the word NO.
For being such a short little word is has powerful impact when used properly, so I suggest trying to use it more often.
No mom in their right mind would intentionally use and abuse their children by making them their servants, but would instead be grateful for any and all help that they're children were kind enough to give them.
Because as you know....your mom and her care is NOT your responsibility. Period, end of sentence.
So perhaps it's time for a family meeting where you let your mom know that since nothing you do seems to make her happy that you are all stepping away from her care and she now has the option of either hiring full-time in-home help or she'll have to be placed in the appropriate facility.
Your mom has had her life and you deserve to have one too, so set those boundaries and just say NO!!!
So what you do is if she needs care you provide only the care she needs.
If she is able to get up and get her own cappuccino, pickle juice, beet juice, water, soup, change the tv or to find whatever then you stop doing all that.
If mom does not need someone with her 24/7 you, your sister and brother live your lives.
If mom can live on her own let her.
If mom can't live alone and has a diagnosis of dementia or other condition where she is not decisional then whoever is POA make the decision to place her in a facility that will meet her care needs.
If she is decisional you all back off, leave her to care for herself. If she is unsafe you call APS and report her as a vulnerable senior.
This is a spoiled monster and you are continuing to feed the monster. (by this I do not mean you are physically feeding her but that you are allowing her to be a dictator)
"Candy772
Aug 10, 2024
Here is an update on my brother taking care of mom. Last Tuesday was the breakdown. He realized he can’t please her and the negativity got to him. He is gone now so the oldest sister and youngest are clambering for her approval. He did make it 5 weeks and deserves special recognition."
Your brother walked away and so should you. Everyone should stop orbiting around her and either have her pay for in-home 24/7 aids or transition her into LTC on Medicaid before you all die of exhaustion.
You were not going to participate in bringing her home, so, how is it that you are the main caregiver? Seriously, you need to look at how you were roped in and by whom. This situation is dangerous to your well-being and you can change it.
Prayers that you find the way out and not feet first with a toe tag.
It will be a week tomorrow for me. My youngest sister won’t even call her but idk why noy
If you get her something she wants and she complains, take it away.
Give her the remote to change the TV herself.
You don't need to waste your time "finding" anything she suddenly thinks of.
You have a major Senior Brat on your hands! I would tell her you aren't coming over, since nothing you do is good enough. She is playing all of you!
If nothing you do is good enough...STOP DOING IT. Tell her exactly why...nothing is good enough! Then tell her a facility staff can do exactly what she wants.
THEN START LOOKING FOR ONE.
The time you waste trying to please your unappreciative Mom is time you will never get back. Call a meeting with your siblings and make a plan to place Mom. Get your lives back. Stop being unpaid slaves to a Dictator!
If you were forced (though a normal well-adjusted adult cannot be FORCED because they set boundaries), that's one issue. You'll need to do some work on yourself in order to understand what happened and how to free yourself.
If you weren't forced (though a normal well-adjusted adult would think it through very carefully before becoming mom's servant), you still need to do some work on yourself in order to understand what happened and how to free yourself.
See? Same same. Either way the problem is one that only you can fix. Mom won't change. So you'll need to figure out how YOU can change in order to keep on doing this. You had no idea that caregiving was such a difficult job. Now you understand.
The alternative to fixing yourself is to just stop. You don't have to give reasons, you don't have to complain and feel bad about yourself, you are not selfish to want your life back, and you can stop all of it tomorrow.
"But I can't - " "Mom needs me!" "She'll hate me!" "I can't leave her, that's not nice..." etc. etc. etc.
Sure you can. People do it all the time. Trust me, someone else would step in and take care of mom if you weren't there. Once that happens and that person is also exhausted and drained, and the next person too, you can find a facility where mom will be content bossing everyone around. She might love it. I wish you luck in freeing yourself from a burden that doesn't have to be yours.
In your previous post you said Mom is 98. You and siblings are 62 to 76. Might be time to tell Mom you are all Seniors too and being at her beck and call is exhausting and you and other sibling have ur health problems to. If she wants to stay in her home, she needs to be easier to care for.
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