Ways to manage burnout?

If burnout was "manageable" it wouldn't be burnout. It's something to be prevented, not accepted and managed.

You need to make self-care your #1 priority. As others have suggested, you need to actively look for help: paid or otherwise. Care.com can be a place to start. It should be paid for with your Dad's funds.

As for waiting for family to help you: sometimes family will say, "Let me know if you need any help." and if this happens, be sure to know what to ask for: like a respite visit, funds to pay for a companion aid or groceries/supplies, delivery, etc. ASK FOR SPECIFIC TYPES OF HELP, WHEN YOU NEED IT AND HOW YOU NEED IT TO HAPPEN.

My out-of-town BIL felt bad he couldn't help more (still working FT, lived far away, had his own MIL to care for) so he was happy to provide funds that were spent on him Mom by us, because we suggested this would be a welcomed way for him to help.

For the 1 relative who does make the effort to come, you need to plan this visit in advance and ask her/him to stay longer so you can catch up and get a break. You need "You Time" every single day in order to remain healthy in body, mind and spirit. Caregiving involves a lot of preemptive problem-solving, not waiting for a problem to happen and then struggling to solve it. This forum offers a lot of excellent advice from people who have been there and done that.

I wish you much wisdom as you put effort into your own daily life.

All hospice agencies have to offer a 5 day respite either at their hospice home or in a nursing facility. And you can request it every 90 days.
So call your hospice agency today and get your dad set up for his 5 days of respite.

As others have said - you need time for yourself in whatever way you can. Each day . In the house - yes whatever you enjoy and will take your mind off things - books, hobbies. TV with good shows/ movies is fine too. But ultimately, you literally need some time outside of the house. Whatever you can do. even if its a break some days of the week to take a 30 min walk outside. More time is even better.

Caregiving is a hard transition from having your own schedule and being able to come and go whenever you feel like it. My mom sleeps in so I always try to get out for a walk in the early morning and clear my head. Because I had previously been working full time I hadn’t developed enough hobbies and struggle with filling the days sometimes too. I have been
trying to be better about reading again and reach out for phone calls with friends and family. There is always some more chores and organizing to be done around the house and I spend time on this site every day for ideas and suggestions too. One day at a time…hang in there

There are no easy answers to burnout.
Everyone's coping abilities is different; situations / needs/ responsibilities are unique-different.

What I did:
* Make time for myself - as I could:
- Meditate
- Exercise (go to gym) - get the energy out
- Get enough sleep
- Keep a journal
- Not over (or under) eat
- Not numb out in self-destructive ways

You do whatever you need to do to get a(n inner respite).

What I suggest:
* Consider if your dad should be placed in a nursing home or facility now.
* Is he terminally ill? Not all hospice patients are (either way, it might be best for you - and him - if he is in a place where he can get more round the clock support / care. I know this is hard.

Realize:
* You deserve a life.
* You have / are doing a lot (if not too much for too long)
* If you do not take care of yourself, you will burnout - mentally, emotionally, and physically decline. I would not diagnose you/r feelings (as another did below).
* Call Hospice and talk to the administrator.
- What are you offering to my Dad / what is he entitled to receive (specific care)
* Whatever Hospice doesn't cover, hire caregivers for 1-2 days a week (or more) so you can get day(s) off. It isn't a vacation ... it is renewal.

And ... IF YOU DO NOT

You will not be able to function 'well' enough to care for him, let alone yourself.

Yes, you are tired and not wanting to keep doing everything over and over again. You must make some hard decisions, with your family.

I do not understand why all this responsibility is on you.
Perhaps due to you living with your dad and the rest of the family having their own family / responsibilities out of state/area (as you indicate). Yet, the responsibility of caring for your dad SHOULDN'T BE TOTALLY ON YOU.

While I do not know the living situation, if you dad has a house, it may be time to sell it so you'll have funds for his care in a facility. Although, if he is already in Hospice, the situation may require different considerations.

If I were you:

I would have a conference call and let everyone in the family know how you are feeling and that you cannot do this 'alone' (most of the time) anymore. You need to enlist their support - be it financial or coming out regularly to care for his needs.

You focus on whatever brings you some joy or diversion.
Be sure to include some self-care like a WEEKLY MASSAGE.

You also start making plans for others to take on some of the responsibility / needs. You will continue to burnout as you say if you do not make some changes.

Let us know what you do and how you are doing.
Call your family asap and have that conversation.

I don't know what condition your dad is in - if he has dementia, can understand, be a part of the decision making for his care - ? If he is involved, you must remember that he will want what he already has - YOU. He likely won't want strangers helping, moving, etc. However, you MUST start thinking about yourself and your own quality of life / welfare.

Believe me, this is a rough rode ahead as he continues to decline.

The longer you continue on like this, the more difficult it will be for you to function. This will adversely affect your emotional, psychological, and physical health. You need to get the support you need now so he will have the support he needs later on.

You need to start self-care now. These are hard decisions to make.
Moreso, this society overall doesn't support us to put our self first or feel we deserve to. You not only deserve to, it is a necessity for you to continue on.

What if you fall or have an accident, then who takes care of your dad?
Things happen. Life happens. You have to be prepared.

You do what you can. REALIZE this is all you can do. If you do not stop and make changes now, your health will force you to make changes. You will end up in an emergency situation ... and that is the worst time to 'try' to make decisions that serve you / the family, and your dad.

Gena/Touch Matters

Consider just leaving for an hour each day and get some exercise. I go for a bike ride, if it's raining or too cold I just walk. And during the rest of the day, I also work full time and take 5 minute breaks to go out to the garage and kick the crap out of the heavy bag. It's the only thing that keeps me sane. That and way too many drinks in the evening, which I do not recommend. Things can and will eventually still happen if you are there 24x7, maybe you are in the bathroom, have your back turned at the wrong moment...

My dad’s hospice agency had a list of caregivers, not direct employees of theirs, but people you could hire independently who they’d worked with and knew to be good. They were CNA’s looking for extra work, each working out their own rate. I hired several to give me a break. Each asked for a reasonable amount and their help was invaluable. Please ask the hospice nurse for a recommendation, don’t wait on others to offer, no one is a mind reader. You need to get out daily. Take a walk outdoors, even in the cold. Notice the nature around you, it can really lift your spirits. Reach out to family and friends, talking about both your struggles but also any other topic to distract from the daily grind. Going this alone is too much, I wish you peace

Finding contentment with being housebound along with your LO takes some work. Some things that helped me....

Praying and studying the Bible. This one is the most important. I couldn't have and wouldn't have come this far without my Faith. Caregiving is a high calling and I need daily help from The Lord, because I'm not strong enough to do it in my own strength.

Getting back to reading books. My son suggested that I start reading again and it's been great. I can sit with my mother and enjoy a good book.

Exercising. I find time every morning - about an hour - to work out with my dumbbells and kettlebells. Stretching and mobility and balance work is also very helpful.

Eating as clean as possible which means lots of protein and very little junky stuff.

Gardening. Get a baby monitor or camera and take it outside while you enjoy some fresh air.

Cleaning out small areas. Maybe a drawer or part of closet.

Looking at caregiving as a blessing and not a burden. Caring for a LO in a most vulnerable period of their lives will be very fulfilling and rewarding in the end.

Realize that you are not missing out on anything. I had a real struggle for years thinking that everyone else was out there living their "best lives" while I was a confined, trapped care-slave. Now I know that's a lie. I haven't missed anything.

It can be a long, tough, exhausting road, no doubt. There were many days over the last 8 years that I was miserable and thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown, but I'm so glad now that I haven't given up and I have been able to keep my promise to my mother that I would care for her.

There is no greater love than to put aside your own self-interests for the opportunity to love someone else more than yourself.

Peace and blessings.

Adjust. Tell yourself that this will not last forever. Learn ways to do things that are more efficient, such as order EVERYTHING from Amazon, Walmart, your local supermarket, or other. I haven't been in a food store since March of 2020 when the pandemic started, but we have continued to eat as we always did by ordering what we need. You really do not have to squeeze every head of lettuce, and their shoppers have never done a bad job for me. Plus many people I know got Covid shortly after visiting the supermarket to squeeze the lettuce, so it's likely a good place to avoid. I'll never go back to my former shopping habits.

I like TV series that go on and on, such as many seasons of Virgin
River, Call the Midwife, Lost, etc. They take me to another world, and I find myself looking forward to the next episode. My husband, and I was his caregiver until he went to memory care, could get involved in those too, so we both enjoyed them. I have books from my library delivered electronically to my Kindle and read them there. I have Kindle Unlimited from Amazon. I sew for my house - throw pillows, dining room chair cushions, nothing complicated so it's soon finished. If I were still a knitter, I'd do that. Getting involved in solitary projects interests me and requires no participation from others who don't show up, expect food on the table if they visit, or create other problems, such as criticism about caregiving that I don't deserve or need. I practice Yoga from DVDs that I already had or along with a teacher online or on TV. I'd rather do it in-person with a good teacher, but I've been doing yoga for more than half my life so know about alignment, using props when necessary, and when to quit. I call friends who live far away so we can catch up. I participate in this forum. I'm on Facebook. I manage all our finances.

It's a matter of realizing that this is all there is NOW, it won't always be this way, and it's actually wonderful to be left alone instead of being expected to contribute to outsiders' requirements such as I had to do when I was part of clubs and committees. Ugh. I don't have to bring a cake or chips and dip. YAY!

Dear Calcifer94,
I am where you are, constantly dealing with caregiver burnout while I care for my husband with dementia. A friend recently recommended a book by Viktor Frankl: MAN'S SEARCH FOR MEANING. Frankl was a psychiatrist who was imprisoned in Auschwitz during WWII. The first part of the book deals with his struggles while a prisoner, the second part talks about his psychiatric method. I found inspiration in the first part, seeing how he endured such suffering and rose above it to survive. My troubles seemed small in comparison and it somehow gave me courage to be strong in my own present situation. The second part gives various case histories with his strategies for managing difficult issues, one in particular being insomnia. I highly recommend this book to you and wish you all the best!