I recently asked questions about mom and visiting to MD for some concerns about dementia. He did do labs, which were perfect, and an MRI, which showed some deep cerebral lesions in gray matter which appears to be vascular and age based. We have not spoken to the MD about results yet but I was wondering if anyone has had a similar problem. Mom has changed in the last 4 months. At times she is herself other than slow to process and comprehend things. Even things that are everyday. For example, using remote, writing checks, using microwave. Somedays it's good, some days she can’t do them and also she has episodes where she is very paranoid. She feels like people have broken into her house and stolen things but she is misplacing everything multiple times a day. She is quick to accuse people of misplacing or stealing her things. When she is in this state, her whole psyche changes. She later apologizes for it and says "I don’t know what is happening to me." We are very concerned. Has anyone else experienced this situation and if so how bad has it gotten?
Dementia and/or dementia-like behavior can extremely difficult & frustrating to deal with, and the behaviors are subject to change continuously, too
I suggest you read this 33 page booklet (which is a free download) which has THE best information ever about managing dementia and what to expect with an elder who's been diagnosed with it.
Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580
Here is a list of useful tips from her e-book I found to be excellent:
The “Dont's”
· Do not reason and argue
· Do not demand that they reason or problem-solve
· Do not demand that they remember
· Do not demand that they get their facts straight
· Do not correct their ideas or scold them
· Do not reorient them
· Do not think that they are being uncooperative on purpose
· Do not think that they really do remember, but are pretending not to
· Do not use a “bossy” dictatorial attitude in care
· Do not act with impatience
The "Do's"
· Enter into their frame of reality, or their 'world'
· Be aware of their mood or state of mind
· Use few words and simple phrases
· OR use no words, just friendly gestures and simple motions
· Do everything slowly
· Approach from the front
· Wait for a slow response
· Constantly reassure them that everything is 'OK'
· Keep people with dementia comfortable 'in the moment' - every moment
· Maximize use of remaining abilities
· Limit TV or radio programs which they may feel are frighteningly real
· Maintain privacy
· Provide a safe physical environment
Language Needs
· Use short words
· Use clear and simple sentences
· Speak slowly and calmly
· Questions should ask for a “yes” or “no” answer
· Talk about one thing at a time
· Talk about concrete things; not abstract ideas
· Use common phrases
· Always say what you are doing
· If they repeat their question, repeat your answer as you did the first time · Give them a longer time to process information
· Wait patiently for a response
· Be accepting of inappropriate answers and nonsense words
· Speak softly, soothingly and gently
Care Needs
· Recognize that receiving personal care feels intrusive
· Reassure with your tone and manner
· Do one thing at a time
· Talk through the care “play-by- play”
· Be aware of your body language and use it to communicate relaxation and reassurance
· Be sincere
· Use a soft, soothing touch
· Be aware of the individual’s unique triggers
· Be aware that a person with dementia may not accurately judge whether a situation is threatening to them
· They may respond to fear, pain or anxiety by defending themselves with what we call “aggression”
· If they become distressed, stop immediately and allow them time to calm down – don’t try to restart the activity right away
You need to change your behaviour to adapt to the dementia because the person with the disease cannot.
Another good book is Living in the Labyrinth: A Personal Journey Through the Maze of Alzheimer's, by Diana Friel McGowin. Learn all you can about AD/dementia b/c knowledge is power!
Wishing you the best of luck with all you have on your plate.
Read and learn as much as you can about the disease. It will get worse. Use this website and read "The 36-Hour Day". Good luck to you.
Dementia is diagnosed really by cognitive testing, reported & observed symptoms, behaviour.
Trust your gut instinct - you know her best. Keep looking for answers while you move towards keeping her safe.
Does Mom live with you, others? Or alone?
It's kind of a roller coaster. Some moments, she seems pretty normal, other moments its like "what the heck is going on here???". She does things similar to your mom - loses remote or doesn't know how to use it, wants to make phone calls with the remote, can't figure out her cell phone (but sometimes does), etc. My mom's doc said she's progressed to dementia but I'm interested in seeing if the MRI confirms this and if it gives us a better picture of our future. I know it's not going to be good and she will just continue to slip away.
Do you have any helpers for your mom? If not, start with some ASAP. I started with a cleaning lady. Now have added people to help her with her PT (and chat and play a game). This is paving the way for more help as it's needed. Many are resistant to help in the home - my mom is always trying to cancel but I've told the helpers not to cancel unless I say so.