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I am in a wheelchair with severe balance issues and spasticity in one leg. My husband and I live in an ADA apartment, but I fell trying to use the toilet by myself because the toilet configuration and grab bars cause me to have to lead with my weak leg. As a result, I am no longer able to use the toilet without his assistance. I've looked into various assistive devices, but nothing is tailored to my apparently novel problem.


He's a good and caring husband, but my new dependency is getting us both down. We are low income. I looked into having a caregiver come in for a respite day for my husband, but it would cost about $100 per visit because there is a three-hour minimum. All I need is someone to help me use the toilet a couple of times while he's gone. Should I be calling around to more places or are they all going to cost about this much? I'd sure like someone who is caring and kind. I know. That sounds like an impossibility, finding someone who is caring and willing to come for a short time and is affordable.


Any ideas?


Thank you.

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A short term solution might be for you to use a commode while your husband is out of the house, if you can safely transfer to that on your own. I feel for you and your husband, and it's so nice that you are trying to think of solutions so he can go out.
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Have your doctor write an order for home OT and PT evaluation for mobility at home. They can evaluate for types of equipment, additional rails to help you be more independent. Call a local home care agency to ask. Medicare should pay for it. If other apartments where you live have different bathroom configurations, maybe changing apartments is an option. It may sound extreme but finding staff to help you will be hard too. At least discuss with apartment staff to see if it is an option. The suggestion of a commode is a good one too.
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I haven't read any responses, so forgive me if I am being redundant.

Get a commode and then you can place it where it works best for you.

You can then empty it out and refresh it, alleviating the need for your husband to have to do this for you.

A bucket with a lid to transport waste to bathroom, a spray bottle of cleaner to freshen commode and a small bucket for water to place in commode for ease of clean up. Easy peasy.

Or you could wear depends while he is gone.
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Llamalover47 May 2020
Isthisrealyreal: Spot on accurate!
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I was in a similar situation with my husband who is bedridden and under Hospice care. I was needing someone to just come for an hour every morning to lift him out of bed and put him on the bedside commode. I called every agency I could find and like you discovered they all have at least a 3 hr minimum. I was asking everyone I knew if they knew of someone and eventually I called our local Senior Services. The woman there gave me a name of an aide that worked for them for over 12 years (she was no longer working there), so I called her, had her come to meet us, see if she could comfortably transport him and then told her what I could afford to pay her (as we aren't wealthy either)and she has been coming ever since. She also has other clients that she sees through out the day. I know a lot of her CNA friends work like she does, an hour here and a couple hours there. Hopefully you can find a CNA like that , that is not affiliated with an agency. It will be much less expensive for you. Good luck and don't give up your search. There's help out there.
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I'm so sorry your husband and you are having to go through this. I wish you had more care available. I have two suggestions, and neither is ideal:

1. Try to find recent immigrants to this country. Sometimes, recent immigrants come from a culture where elderly people are respected, and they are warm and loving. Before I quit my job and came home to be a full-time caregiver, this really helped me.

2. Start using disposable briefs. Not pleasant at all, but you won't have to worry about falling trying to get on the toilet, and you won't have to pay expensive caregivers.

If you find better answers, please make sure you post them here. We all need all the help we can get.
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Greetings:
When I was caring for my mother I contacted my Area Council on Aging and they provided money to pay someone to come into my home and sit with / assist my mother. I was able to use the money to pay someone I know or an agency. If you are low income and receiving medicaid you may be able to get assistance from medicaid as well. I hope that this works out for you and your husband.
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Here is a link to your local Area Agency on Aging with helpful contacts.

https://www.o3a.org/
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There is an amazing agency that has 30,000+ volunteers for seniors all across the US. If you live in a very populated area, you might find 100s in your area. Check it out, it's https://www.elderhelpers.org/ They volunteer with all kinds of things and it's all FREE!! It's always my go to place when someone needs assistance that they can't afford. Good luck...
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purplebadger May 2020
Wow! That's great to know! That could help me with my mom! Thanks for the info and God bless you!
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I found, by accident, that a barriatric (extra big) walker without wheels can be turned with the front toward the toilet tank and be used as safety rails. They are more sturdy than the other temporary toilet rails.
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Perhaps you can try a bedside commode.
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