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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Thx, And hugs to you too! I am so glad to know I'm not alone! Not glad that anyone else has to go thru what we're going thru but drawing strength fr each other!
Luvmom, Thanks for your kind words. Mama has come along way from when we moved her in. She had partial hip replacement, then developed a heel sore in rehab that took almost 2yrs, and add'l hospitalization to clear up. All these moves, I believe, contributed to her dementia worsening. Our bedtime routine includes alot of talking , hugging, reassuring and laughter. The dogs even get their "grandma" time. She pats them both and tells them to "be good doggies and go nite-nite now" and she will see them in the morning. We leave the TV on per her request and turn off the light. After about 10mins she starts moaning. It doesn't seem to bother my husband as much anymore- I guess he can tune it out. Me, I just lay there and cry. We used to have a baby monitor in her room & ours, but we had to turn it off to get any sleep. I currently am trying to find some assistance for evenings. It is Very hard to work all day and rush home and deal w/everything there. And 24/7 on the weekends w/no breaks. My husband & I didn't have kids -so our life style has changed considerably!! But to be perfectly honest, I believe for the better. We are closer than we have ever been and our hearts feel full!
AWE so sad for her to be frightened like that and to even say she doesnt realize she is doing it. When I tuck my Mom in everynight I sing to her 15-30 minutes. When we sing they hear and understand it well as they listen from a different part of their brain. I always sing and then add in her name, etc and how she is the best Mom in the world and she falls asleep with a smile most nights, I tell her I am spending the night right across the hall so she is safe and I will check her again. She says "that makes me feel so good." She is in late stage alzheimers/dementia. My Mom went thru wandering 2-20 times night, no lie, for about a year, it finally stopped. Its amazing how much little sleep we learn to live on for love , lol. I leave for work before 7am and come right home to her to relieve the caretaker so she can get to another job. Its rough. I do have to tell you thou, when people tell me THEY are tired, I feel like whacking them HAHA!! They have NO clue what tired is. Hugs to you your husband and especially to your poor confused and frightened MIL. Luvmom
So many noises! Grandma is a special effects gold mine for some hollywood studio yet she remains undiscovered.
1) The shew shew shew...this is her shortness of breath and was explained by the nurse as being "pursed lip breathing".
2) The mmmhmmm, mmmhmmm, mmmhmmm: This is unexplained. Grandma denies pain and denies hearing herself make the noise.
3) The Uh huh...this is a concentration noise for her, she repeats it when trying to do something that she isn't supposed to, or something that requires nimble hands.
4) The "OH BOY" This is in response to exertion, standing, trying to walk and is accompanied by shew, shew, shew
5) Moaning: Sometimes she moans because of stomach pains we believe are gas but she moans all the time. Mostly she will say she is unaware of doing it and is not in any particular discomfort.
6) Throat clearing. Constant.
7) Lip smacking: Constant. No apparent reason, not thirsty or hungry.
There are many more I can't think of right now, but these noises appear to be involuntary for the most part and we have stopped asking her about most of them. She becomes embarrassed and defensive when questioned about it so we just leave it alone.
The sounds that may need assistance are the moaning and the seated shew shew which could either be pain or shortness of breath, both are something we'd try to do something about. We also start watching her activity when she starts the Uh huh...that could mean that she is entering a thought process that could be naughty or dangerous for her.
Good luck with MIL...My grandmother is also very routine oriented such as you described. Try and put your mind someplace peaceful when you hear her start up. If it is during the day I try to do a different deep breathing or lunge/squat exercise when I hear particular repetative sounds she makes now. I may as well get a workout or a meditative moment because I can't stop her!
The noises can be annoying. Somedays I'd pay someone just to put me in a sound proof booth for an hour.
I did - she says she doesn't know she's doing it. I Believe,( from my detective work) that when she had her heel sore, it got worse at night , and she moaned cuz she WAS in pain. Now that the foot has healed - I think it is almost habit. She is Very routine oriented. The more you do the same - everyday and every night , the better -more comfortable she seems. If you deviate- she has anxiety & gets nervous. Thanks for the advise.
The first step to "doing something" about the moaning is to find out why she moans. There are all kinds of possibilities from dementia-- she doesn't know she's doing it because her brain doesn't register the sounds she's making-- to illness or even injury. She may be moaning in response to emotional issues. Lots of detective work needs to be done, and a good starting point is to ask her why she is moaning. Blessings, Joanne
AT 1st I thought I had to be her constant entertainment. Always by her side. I have since found things she enjoyed B4 she moved in, that she did when she was alone at home. I got Croation tapes of Tamburitza music. She'll play cards(solataire) still even suffles and deals out correctly. Reads the newspapers. Watchs sports, but I got her into the food network. She'll even tell me - Make that!! LOL.
I have been a silent listener on here for a few weeks now but boy can I relate to this one. We moved and took my mom with us this fall and the adjustment has been very difficult. I have never heard more body noises in my life!!! When she eats, she goinks....constantly clears her throat or coughs....her belching comes from her toes and makes me want to puke. And then there is the FARTING......i think she is trying to pass a baby elephant. To make things worse this new house echoes terribly. She goes to the doctor Thursday....I hope he will give her something for the gas. I think I am going to have to have my daughter set me up with some music and a mp3 player.....and headphones.
Thanks , everyone. We did put her on a sleep aid and it seems to be working. She still moans till it kicks in. I believe it is when she is tired/bored. She has been doing well lately. Day care 4x a week. Maybe knowing spring is around the corner helps!!
My mother, who has dementia, but hasn't been diagnosed with Alzheimers, also would moan and talk to herself for hours most often at bedtime after I turned off the light and left her alone in bed, but also in the middle of the night. If we would tell her to be quiet, she would say she didn't know she was making any noise! It was very unsettling. I talked to the doctor after many sleepless nights (it would keep me awake and I couldn't tune it out). He put her on a medication that has helped her quiet down at night and also sleep better.
My mom moans and says, "Oh, Boy" all day long. The moaning is sometimes for sympathy, which I wish she would realize works the opposite of what she is hoping for, and the "oh, boy" is just to let me know that she is bored. I try so hard to try to imagine myself living her life, so I can be more tolerant with her moaning and "oh boys." I said "I try" and I fail more often than succeed at that.
that is part of dementia , my dad whines and hollars for help . i ask him why he does that for he says he cant help it , his mind is makin him doin it . so i leave it as it is , i notice when he does that he s trying to say he s wet or hungry or whatever , sometimes its cuz he s tired and needs to go to bed . just have to learn those kinds of cries and u ll understand him better . all part of dementia / sad ...
Ruth makes this heavy breathing noise when she is walking or stresses. I have wondered if in some way it relaxes her? You know like a mantra of sorts. I know she does not know she is doing it, but if I am busy with something and I hear her breathing I know she is up and into something. But the moaning would really concern me as you said. Is she hurting somewhere and unable to tell you? A good check up with a NEW dr. that has time for you and her. Let us know how things are with you..
There's a man at my mother-in-laws asst living place that makes a noise while he's pushing his walker down the hall. While he's pushing that thing he's kind of growling, like he's a wind up toy and that's what makes him go. When I mentioned it to her, she just laughed and said that he does that all the time. It doesn't bother her in the least, she's come to recognize him by it since she can't see well. Point is, I wonder if it's only the younger of us that these things bother? I wonder if you asked someone that's their peer what they think, if they'd say it was bothersome? I know for me, my mil has been an eye opener into the thoughts and actions of old people. When I mentioned to her how my grandma used to be obsessed with how her bodily functions worked, and now I see it with my mother, she told me that nothing works like it used to when you get old, and it drives you crazy trying to figure out why not? So they obsess about the things that used to work properly and now are on the fritz. Makes sense. I'm trying harder these days not to use my younger (barely younger) mindset about how things should be, and take into consideration the age difference and consequences of that. Just cause I think things should be a certain way doesn't mean in 20 years that that's what it's gonna be for me either. I need to write these things down for my son for future reference come to think of it......
Yes, my heart feels good. We are doing the right thing by her. The struggles are minor compared to the BIG picture. It's been good to talk about it to someone who has been there, is there and understands. Thanks so much.
pbsika, that's because we caregivers are the strong ones! Let me see, oh yea, I knew when I made the decision to leave my business, friends, etc and move back home that it was an instruction from GOD. What? Did I think for a moment that I would win an argument with him, NOT, LOL...
Good morning, Still standing! I apperciate this outlet. I can't remember the last time she was tested. When she goes to her Dr. We're lucky he spends 10min w/her. It is difficult to arrange times w/working full time and Drs hours, etc. But after I got the 36 hour book and read it. It was like it was written about her. I advised both husband & sil to read it. Even just certain sections that pertain to Mama more than others. I don't believe either has. Sometimes after certain episodes I will find a part in the book that deals w/that problem and read it out loud to my husband. And explain how helpful it is to understand how to deal w/her actions in certain ways. I do believe I am doing really good w/her. We have a good routine going right now( Knock on wood) He is getting better. Sometimes he feels she is being difficult on purpose (Lazy, stubborn, etc) He gets very frustrated.So I end up trying to take care of both of them.
Still standing, She has a hearing aid that we remove at bedtime, so the talking loud thing doesn't work so good. Technically, she has not been diaginosed w/either. But the Rehab place after her partial hip replacement ('08)said she had the beginning of dementia and put her on Namenda. Her family Dr. has left her on it. She has all the classic symptoms. My husband and SIL consider her symptoms "old age". Can we say "denial" ?
pbiska, Mom does get upset sometimes if she doesn't have the bathroom light or nightstand light on. Also, you might just speak loud enough for your MIL to hear you instead of the touching, my mother is the same way! It's an Alz's thing. Don't forget to let me know if she has been dianoised with dementia or Alz, ok?
THX, still standing! She had a heel wound that caused her considerable pain. But has since healed and at night, when we put her to bed, she starts , sometimes very loudly. When my husband or I check on her, her eyes are closed and we startle her when we touch her. If we close her bedroom door-she gets scared and yells for NURSE- NURSE!! I go to sleep very uneasy and while I'm getting ready for work -I hear it till I leave. Very unsettling - but I hear ya when you say it's better than NOT hearing it!! Thx, I am new to this site. Will Vent more!!
Pbiska, My mother also moans and has been saying aha, aha, for about three months now, constantly I might add !!!Unfortunately, this now has become a habit, one that my father and I tried to stop but to no avail. It does drive us crazy too! She is in constant pain with her physical maladies. Does your MIL have physical illnesses or Alz's? Sometimes I would say the same word over and over again but she then became defensive and said she was sorry and doesn't mean to do it... The point I'm trying to make here is, I don't feel at this point it's important to bring it up to her any longer, especially if it's going to make her feel guilty! She has Alzheimer's and as you probably already know with this disease, she truly doesn't know that she says it all the time. Hang in there, friend. There could come a time when she says nothing at all! :) Get with us on "Need To Vent", it might help you, or have I missed you on there, perhaps you're one of the few silent ones? Not too many of us are on that thread! Lots of hugs for you today and one for your MIL...
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Not glad that anyone else has to go thru what we're going thru but drawing strength fr each other!
Thanks for your kind words. Mama has come along way from
when we moved her in. She had partial hip replacement, then developed a heel sore in rehab that took almost 2yrs, and add'l hospitalization to clear up. All these moves, I believe, contributed to her dementia worsening. Our bedtime routine includes alot of talking , hugging, reassuring and laughter. The dogs even get their "grandma" time. She pats them both and tells them to "be good doggies and go nite-nite now" and she will see them in the morning. We leave the TV on per her request and turn off the light. After about 10mins she starts moaning. It doesn't seem to bother my husband as much anymore- I guess he can tune it out. Me, I just lay there and cry.
We used to have a baby monitor in her room & ours, but we
had to turn it off to get any sleep. I currently am trying to find some assistance for evenings. It is Very hard to work all day and rush home and deal w/everything there. And 24/7 on the weekends w/no breaks. My husband & I didn't have kids -so our life style has changed considerably!! But to be perfectly honest, I believe for the better. We are closer than we have ever been and our hearts feel full!
Hugs to you your husband and especially to your poor confused and frightened MIL.
Luvmom
1) The shew shew shew...this is her shortness of breath and was explained by the nurse as being "pursed lip breathing".
2) The mmmhmmm, mmmhmmm, mmmhmmm: This is unexplained. Grandma denies pain and denies hearing herself make the noise.
3) The Uh huh...this is a concentration noise for her, she repeats it when trying to do something that she isn't supposed to, or something that requires nimble hands.
4) The "OH BOY" This is in response to exertion, standing, trying to walk and is accompanied by shew, shew, shew
5) Moaning: Sometimes she moans because of stomach pains we believe are gas but she moans all the time. Mostly she will say she is unaware of doing it and is not in any particular discomfort.
6) Throat clearing. Constant.
7) Lip smacking: Constant. No apparent reason, not thirsty or hungry.
There are many more I can't think of right now, but these noises appear to be involuntary for the most part and we have stopped asking her about most of them. She becomes embarrassed and defensive when questioned about it so we just leave it alone.
The sounds that may need assistance are the moaning and the seated shew shew which could either be pain or shortness of breath, both are something we'd try to do something about. We also start watching her activity when she starts the Uh huh...that could mean that she is entering a thought process that could be naughty or dangerous for her.
Good luck with MIL...My grandmother is also very routine oriented such as you described. Try and put your mind someplace peaceful when you hear her start up. If it is during the day I try to do a different deep breathing or lunge/squat exercise when I hear particular repetative sounds she makes now. I may as well get a workout or a meditative moment because I can't stop her!
The noises can be annoying. Somedays I'd pay someone just to put me in a sound proof booth for an hour.
Hugs! HB
Blessings, Joanne
She'll even tell me - Make that!! LOL.
so i leave it as it is , i notice when he does that he s trying to say he s wet or hungry or whatever , sometimes its cuz he s tired and needs to go to bed . just have to learn those kinds of cries and u ll understand him better .
all part of dementia / sad ...
Just cause I think things should be a certain way doesn't mean in 20 years that that's what it's gonna be for me either. I need to write these things down for my son for future reference come to think of it......
The struggles are minor compared to the BIG picture. It's been good to talk about it to someone who has been there, is there
and understands. Thanks so much.
I apperciate this outlet. I can't remember the last time she was tested. When she goes to her Dr. We're lucky he spends 10min
w/her. It is difficult to arrange times w/working full time and Drs hours, etc. But after I got the 36 hour book and read it. It was like it was written about her. I advised both husband & sil to read it. Even just certain sections that pertain to Mama more than others. I don't believe either has. Sometimes after certain episodes I will find a part in the book that deals w/that problem and read it out loud to my husband. And explain how helpful it is to understand how to deal w/her actions in certain ways. I do believe I am doing really good w/her. We have a good routine going right now( Knock on wood) He is getting better. Sometimes he feels she is being difficult on purpose (Lazy, stubborn, etc) He gets very frustrated.So I end up trying to take care of both of them.
She has a hearing aid that we remove at bedtime, so the talking loud thing doesn't work so good. Technically, she has not been diaginosed w/either. But the Rehab place after her partial hip replacement ('08)said she had the beginning of dementia and put her on Namenda. Her family Dr. has left her on it. She has all the classic symptoms. My husband and SIL consider her symptoms "old age". Can we say "denial" ?
Mom does get upset sometimes if she doesn't have the bathroom light or nightstand light on. Also, you might just speak loud enough for your MIL to hear you instead of the touching, my mother is the same way! It's an Alz's thing. Don't forget to let me know if she has been dianoised with dementia or Alz, ok?
She had a heel wound that caused her considerable pain. But has since healed and at night, when we put her to bed, she starts , sometimes very loudly. When my husband or I check on her, her eyes are closed and we startle her when we touch her. If we close her bedroom door-she gets scared and yells for NURSE- NURSE!! I go to sleep very uneasy and while I'm getting ready for work -I hear it till I leave. Very unsettling - but I hear ya when you say it's better than NOT hearing it!! Thx, I am new to this site. Will Vent more!!
My mother also moans and has been saying aha, aha, for about three months now, constantly I might add !!!Unfortunately, this now has become a habit, one that my father and I tried to stop but to no avail. It does drive us crazy too! She is in constant pain with her physical maladies. Does your MIL have physical illnesses or Alz's?
Sometimes I would say the same word over and over again but she then became defensive and said she was sorry and doesn't mean to do it... The point I'm trying to make here is, I don't feel at this point it's important to bring it up to her any longer, especially if it's going to make her feel guilty! She has Alzheimer's and as you probably already know with this disease, she truly doesn't know that she says it all the time. Hang in there, friend. There could come a time when she says nothing at all! :) Get with us on "Need To Vent", it might help you, or have I missed you on there, perhaps you're one of the few silent ones? Not too many of us are on that thread! Lots of hugs for you today and one for your MIL...