She's forgotten her fave movie. Forgot to pay her rent, first time in her independent life. Lives alone. She's written checks to me because I've bought her groceries the last 3 years. She's not been strong enough to go shopping. I'm hoping the bank will see she's been writing checks to me. And I'm beneficiary on the account and when I need to, the bank will help.
but does your mom have a will? if so, does she have a attorney?
maybe she would be willing to see an attorney regarding a will(?) to protect her assets?
then maybe the attorney could advise her a POA/trustee would help her in the future?
She can set it up...and until she signs off, she is still in control.
Im only posting what happened in my situation. I was listed as first DPOA/trustee only after my dad signed off to my mother, and then later my mother signed off to me.
Banks are impersonalized institutions. What are you hoping they will help you with?
Your mom writes out checks payable to you for the last 3 years. Great. You cashed the checks and the bank honored them. That's the end of the story.
She put you on her account as the beneficiary. So, when she dies, you will inherit any money left over. That will be the end of the story.
What are you hoping the bank will "see" and "help" you with? Anything else IF requires further authorization from your mother, the bank will require. They won't care that your mother has been writing checks payable to you for years or that you're her beneficiary on the account.
My suggestion: Take your mother to the bank and have her tell the bank to ADD your name to her account. Then you will have total control and access to the account. Then you can do what you need to do for her when she gets too confused to know what banks and checks are, and how to sign her name.
Write all her concerns out so that when you have the appointment she will feel better prepared to discuss.
I think that people sometimes assign a POA without really understanding what they are doing. I think that sometimes people accept the responsibility of being a POA without knowing what they are getting into.
You may decide you don’t want to be a POA.
Meanwhile talk to mom about setting her bills up on automatic pay and keep receipts for the groceries and any other items mom pays you for.
You need to do this regardless of being POA.
There are times when I forget what is the title of my favorite movie, and a couple times I was late on my mortgage. People do that even when they are young, it doesn't mean someone has dementia.
Dementia is more when a person forgets how to dress, how to cook, how to use the washing machine, forgets how to drive, doesn't know what year it is, or what city they live in. I started to notice my Dad's dementia when he would call me after 4 pm thinking he was back in the 1940's, oops.
If you start to write checks on your Mom's account, make sure you keep a file of the bill and xerox a copy of the check [I use to put the check on the bill and xerox it]. That will help in case Medicaid might be needed in the future. It will show that your Mom hasn't been "gifting" you money.
And if she has no POA the only option for family to obtain guardianship would be through a court action, costing thousands.