So my dad (82, cancer) and I (49m) started watching a series that ended in 2022 but is on Tuesday nights on Ovation network. We've seen all the episodes many times.
Thinking I was smart, two months ago I bought 5 seasons on streaming so we could watch those.
Now every night we have to watch 4 hours of this show despite us seeing it dozens and dozens of times. He talks about "(show) time” and makes jokes about the characters.
I have told me I'm going to go insane if I have to watch any more of this but then he acts kind of hurt so I feel like an ass and turn it back on.
The worst part is he has seen all these before but he can't follow them, he can't understand the dialogue and even though I've told him he's seen these before he doesn't know.
My whole life he's always had trouble following things because he worries all the time and ruminates. But over the last 2 years he just forgets everything and it is maddening having to go through this every night I realize he's sick, I realize this pleases him, I realize I could try to do other things while he watches. But I already feel trapped by having to do everything, by having all the responsibility but zero money and authority to do anything, I clean him, make his dinner, manage his meds, I do everything. I'm exhausted from this.
Last week he thought I hadn't fed the livestock, so he went outside. I saw him and tapped on the window, he turned and fell and banged his head. I was blamed for this because I startled him. Yet we had 6 inches of snow and ice. He would've fallen farther away from the house.
This is a nightmare and I know it's only going to get worse. And clearly as good as I've performed I cannot do this to the end.
I know watching this show soothes him. For some reason I get triggered when he mentions it and looks forward to it.
Anyone go through anything similar?
Your real problem is being his full time caregiver and he’s going to get worse. My advice is plan accordingly. Figure out how to move or at least get relief.
I think your Dad now has Dementia. Especially if he has had chemo. Its called "chemo fog". Take him to his doctor for a good check up.
Put his show on and tell him you need to lie down for a bit. Tell him you need a break. If he is suffering from Dementia, its ok to tell a little white lie.
Dad took chemo pills, would not get the infusion, but yes it ruined his mind and body.
Because the show streams from the internet I have to be there because he doesn't understand technology. So I will just try and read or something
I was awake for 20 minutes with dad today before he mentioned his show again and it just drives me crazy.
I just want all this to stop. I'm in mental pain, physical pain, I have zero money , and I am trapped.
I just want to be left alone. I've been going 24/7 like this for 3 years. I never realized how much dad lacks common sense, how he has no idea how technology works, how he is just like a little boy.
He's forgotten to pay some bills but won't let me touch them. This is why I wish I had my own money. I'd pay everything.
It seems selfish but here's the thing. I fear I'm going to go crazy and if I do that won't help anyone.
I just feel like I died in 2022 and woke up in hell.
Dad needs a diagnosis and you need to have him placed. You cannot go on in this manner. You are truly desperate. Please seek help.
Contact APS firstly. Dad must be addressed and diagnosed. If that means putting him into the guardianship of the state, then you may need to do that. He is currently a senior at risk, and the only enemy is himself and his own failure. He may need to be placed in care.
If he's found competent (and you know he isn't for executive functions, anyway) they may leave him to it. And if you cannot then find some help for YOURSELF in exiting the situation, and leaving it to him (he has, I am sorry, had his life), while you save yourself--I fear for you.
988 is the national hotline for suicide. Call APS. If you cannot afford counseling they can help you access care. I am so sorry, but other than listening--we here are helpless to help you. I fear for your pain, and the overwhelm of your current situation.
The back now. Are there friend to address the snows. Church family? Anyone? While you lay flat. Most backs WILL heal in two weeks if you don't reinjure.
I'm just so sorry.
Go lay down and tell dad he's on for cooking today. Heck, tell him he's on for SNOW duty, to tell the truth!
Can you find another show that he likes that you can enjoy fresh with him? And repeat the process of "oh the show is not on anymore" when you get tired of it?
I realize this is the tip of the iceberg for you. You may need now to look into things like locks for your doors that he isn't able to operate, to keep him safe inside. Some people install security cameras inside their houses so they don't have to be in the same room all the time, or can go out to do errands if you're leaving him alone.
Besides the cancer, does he have a diagnosis of something cognitive, like dementia? If not, you should may need to get him assessed. That may open up more help for you. Or is he not able to follow the shows because he has hearing loss but won't admit it? Or isn't seeing clearly?
But in the meantime, do you need to get access to accounts, his power-of-attorney, anything like that?
Do you have a job or your own income? Some people give those up to care for their parents, which is admirable, but then they end up struggling financially when the parent passes away or needs to spend down their income and assets on medical care.
It sounds like you live on a farm? Is the succession/inheritance clear? Is there a risk of losing it to the costs of care?
I'm not trying to pry, or scare you. Just hoping you have things lined up for your own protection and future since you're doing so much for your dad. If these are issues or potential issues, you might want to meet with an eldercare attorney to make sure everything is covered and in place for you and your dad.
Can you tell us more about the situation, not just this show which is more a 'last straw' rather than the real problem?
You could try putting a timer on the tv to turn it off at “bedtime”.
Oops, we lost the channel. Oh look, it’s bedtime. Hopefully it will come back on tomorrow.
"The Sculpture" episode was hilarious LOL
As to the wandering, please read about the senior dead in our city of SF after wandering out to the great highway in pajamas and robe. It's in Discussions today.
Only you can decide how long this can go on. Your story here isn't unusual and if you stay on the Forum any amount of time you will see that. I am so very sorry. This is tough stuff. This isn't something HE can control and nor can you.