My mom was admitted to the hospital for the geriatric psych for being combative & yelling, she’s also being treated for a UTI & infection in her legs from stasis dermatitis. The nursing home doc said their goal was to take her back if she could be stabilized & calmed down. However my mom is refusing meds in the hospital and screaming and being combative with the nurses and even ripped out her IV. She’s delusional and thinks she has a baby (that’s new). So they are trying to give her Ativan and anti psychosis meds but if she’s refusing how they can’t get them in her! I’m scared because if they can’t calm her the nursing home can’t take her back! What happens next? I am all she has and I don’t live in the same country! I’ve already taken a lot of time off work, and of course it’s causing some issues between my husband and I. I’m trying to do everything that needs to be done financially (Medicaid app) and be a advocate for her healthcare but I’m literally getting sick over worrying. Is there a place for combative dementia patients? Ones that also take Medicaid?
Mom did well there until she passed four months later. Yes she was medicated. But you need to remember that the impossible behaviors are even worse for your mom.
After the first month in the facility, the nursing staff was not able to calm her down - talk her down - and they would call me as they did not know what to do when she stood by the elevator door letting them know I was downstairs waiting for her to take her home. (I was not there, and she was in a secured floor at that time.)
They suggested I talk to her immediately by phone to see if I could help, as they had no clue. And although by the time I was called, Mom had already been in that anxious state for an hour or 2, we all found out that by reconnecting to me or my husband - voices which she knew cared and loved her - she accepted the new reality that she was now in a nursing home. She would then calm down and ask me, "Then, should I go back to my room?' and, although it broke my heart, I would say, 'Yes, mom. That is right. Return to your room and I can call you there to say hello.'
l learned early on that Mom continued to need our voice when she 'lost it.' Seemingly, we calmed her fears most of the time as she trusted us.
After this first event at the facility, the nurses gladly called me immediately so that Mom did not have to suffer hours of anxiety. They then knew what worked for her, and I gave them permission not to wait so long to call me or my husband when it happened next time. Little by little, mom adjusted to her new reality. Now she just asks me, 'when can I come home?' without the emotional outbursts. (Thought it still breaks my heart to answer her.)
I realized then that between the nursing staff, CNAs, social worker and us, we made up Mom's support team. And, we all welcomed each other's help without having to give her calming meds....as I knew she did not want them.
This way of resolving that issue may not work for all, and certainly it takes time and patience. But if you have that, and have an open nursing staff who will work with you for the best of the resident, then you are lucky and so is your loved one.
She did great there for 2.5 years and passed.
So, acknowledge that you are doing all that is possible, and return to your own life and peace within.....and that, takes real effort for many of us as it is where our own growth hides.
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