Moved back into my childhood home post father's stroke. Paid off parents' mortgage and with permission added a sunroom, roof etc.. post his completion of hyperbaric therapy mothers’ health then declined ...Point: it’s been a few years. First, I felt stuck, now that they are both capable, and able.. both show anger, controlling, aggressive s/sym. all too familiar to childhood emotional, and physical abuse (was Not just the belt) mom is unwilling to have dialogue about my (2 kids, dog, cat) future.
Sold my home prior to move, all monies vested into healthcare bills paid in full, as well as upkeep to their home, upon arrival. If my folks fall ill, or death, question is what happens with the home :/
Whatever the answer, agree with the smart suggestion of keeping all your receipts. You can’t redo the past, but protect yourself financially to the letter. Negotiate with them (put your name on deed) and play hardball. Play hardball anyway if they refuse to negotiate. Take every action possible now to do that. Don’t wait. You don’t have to set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.
Please don't invest good money after bad; your parents finances must be theirs and yours must be yours. I am so sorry, but our decisions sometimes have terrible consequences for our future. I know it will be no comfort to you that your story serves as a warning to others. I am so sorry for this sad circumstance.
Yourself and your kids are the FIRST priority, not your parents or a house. All your decisions going forward need to keep this reality at the center. I agree with cxmoody and gladimhere that your situation definitely warrants investing in a discussion with an estate planner/elder law attorney. Pay a little now to avoid paying a lot later. You have co-mingled monies by paying off a house of which you seem not to be on the deed. And it seems your parents could not afford the upkeep and your mom is only 70...they are prime candidates for needing Medicaid. Your brother is poised to pounce on a house that may not be inheritable. Everyone needs a dose of reality sooner rather than later. This can be sorted out if you get the right professional advice. That being said, if your parents are resistant, secretive and won't do basic things like create the legal groundwork for their future care (like assigning PoA), then a challenging situation will turn into a train wreck with you tied to the tracks. I wish you clarity and wisdom, and peace in your heart if you walk away from it.
Had you asked this question before you got into this situation, everyone would have told you no, do not do this!
Are you their only child? If not, upon their deaths, the proceeds of the house sale will have to be split amongst siblings.
You are really in a pickle now. Consider contacting an elder care attorney.
Best wishes to you.