Been responsible for Mom for 36 years after my father died. Running the house for about 10 years, and she now has dementia for the last 5-6 years. Very stubborn and strong willed for 96. She is in rehab for a fall, and all her Doctors, PTs, Neurophysiology Dr. say she needs 24/7 assistance. She is adamant about her ability to stay at home. She hasn't done any shopping, banking, cleaning, laundry etc for at least 5 years, but she is living 15 years ago. We have signed up for a room in AL memory care. She needs to move in next week. She is furious! Of course she doesn't remember any of the meetings with staff, or the fact we have told her she needs care. We have to move a few of her things into her room to have an evaluation of her ability to be safe. I think taking her home to pick out a few things (and she has a house packed with her things) would be very painful for her. It will for me too. Any suggestions for a fairly smooth transition from rehab to memory care? I am afraid she may get physical about it. I know it is the best thing for her, not the best emotionally, and may relieve some of my burden. I am 73 and my health has suffered greatly from the care giving. This is painfully hard on me too. Any thoughts? Just pick the things I think she needs? Take or don't take her home? She has not been home for over 6 weeks.
In fact, on the off-chance that she would remember me moving her into Memory Care, I didn't even take her there, I had someone else she knew take her, saying that I was out of town on a business trip.
When she got there, all her clothes were in the closets and drawers, her paintings and familiar knick nacks were there, and I felt like that was the kindest way for all of us to move her in. I also stayed away a full week.
About 8 months previous to that, both my Mom and her husband moved into Assisted Living, and that's when she left her house of 20 years behind. The move to Memory Care was probably not as traumatic given that she wasn't leaving behind familiar territory. Since your Mom hasn't been home in six weeks, it might actually be easier for her NOT to go back home first. Let us know how it goes.