When do I fire Dad's Conservator?
She has abandoned his request to remain home, in spite of 24/7 Professional Caregivers, and myself. Dad wishes to remain in his Beach House until the end of his days. It would kill him emotionally, physically etc, and to move him now into a nursing home. Age 91, only recently did we shift to a complete around the clock, profession Caregiver schedule. I live with him and am health guardian 50-50 along with my Sister who lives a long way away and has not been proactively helpful. In fact, my 2 siblings are scheming and bullying the Conservator in every possible way. The situation is quite complicated.
I have been documenting everything for the almost 2 years I have been caring for dad: Every phone call, medication log, intake and output log (just recently), resistance for him from my siblings, one lives very near and could help if he were so inclined and not so mentally ill.He is a high functioning Asperger's Syndrome whom Mother made her POA a year ago at his urging when I think she was diagnosed with dementia, and Trustee in 2006.
With the holidays ensuing the 2 siblings become more demanding and hateful, especially towards me. Everyone agrees, even my siblings, that I have done an excellent job with dad's healthcare.
It is a difficult thing to remain in a house for 9 months for fear that one's father will be kidnapped. That was my siblings plan prior to the Guardianship Hearing.
Now the Conservator says she will not pay for any food I eat, only for dad's, I am ok with her decision, but I know who gave her this idea. I exist on my disability check and EBT has gone away since I told them I live with dad and he covers utilities, etc, not me.
This is a condensed version. The struggles have been phenomenal. I am open to suggestions. Thanks in advance,
15 Answers
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It sounds like you have some issues on your own if you are on disability. It could well be that the G/C is looking at the long view on 91 yr old dad situation and can tell that it is flat just time for him to go into a SNF. If he is already getting 24/7 care in his home and is declining in ability, then it's time to move him to a facility with a whole range of resources on site. At 91 his caregiving needs are only going to increase and someone who is on disability themselves cannot be the point person on this if you look at all this from an outside viewpoint. And that is probably what the G/C is doing.
You should do what you can to provide for yourself in all this. If you have been dad's caregiver what happens when he moves to a NH? Do you have your own place to live? You have SSDI so you do have some income. But what about housing? If all is tied into dad's name, then I'd suggest you work with your siblings on coming to an agreement that you get to continue to live rent free in the beach house for as long as possible. Realize that the beach house may need to be sold to pay for his care in the future. You have got to plan for yourself & your future first & foremost. Good luck.
Read probate law for your state. Refusing to fund your food is totally in compliance with the law. All assets must be conserved for the benefit of the Ward (patient) and only the Ward.
But don't get me started on all of the able bodied that could be doing something but instead are on disability. Anybody know the stat for how the number of disabled receiving SSDI haas increased th the past six years?
Regardless of his wishes to stay in his home, when it comes to his safety decisions must be made to make sure he doesn't get hurt or injure himself in any way. If you live in his house, why does he need 24/7 "professional" care?
From what information you've given, it sounds like you live in his house for free. This, in & of itself, raises questions about your motivation to prevent your father from going into a facility and why you have a problem with what the conservator is doing. The conservator's responsibility is to your father, not to you. Her job is to manage his money & make sure he has enough for his needs & medical care. Her job is not to make sure there's enough money to buy food for you.
You do not say what your disability is or how much you're able to do, nor how much total care your father needs or any of his medical problems. I don't know much about EBT/SNAP, but it would seem to me that since the judge has ruled that your father cannot buy any food for you that your EBT/SNAP application should be reconsidered. In all fairness, he shouldn't be buying food for you anyway.
What do you spend your disability check on, if your father pays for everything else besides your food?
Why are your 2 siblings angry with you? You say that you've lived with your father for 2 years. What were the circumstances surrounding you moving in with him? Was it to take care of him or because you couldn't afford to live on your own? And where is your mother?
I think at this point you should be focused on taking care of yourself. If the beach house has to be sold to pay for his medical care, where are you going to live & how are you going to pay for it? It sounds like you are financially dependent on your father to a degree, and he is not going to live forever. You need to figure out what you're going to do when he's no longer alive.