My mother expects to be waited on and is capable of doing things herself. She is constantly asking someone to get her this and that when it's 2 feet away from her chair. I love my mom but she's on my last nerve with this and she's only 71 and can get around as good as anyone. She's very lazy and annoying. I live with her bc she wants a caretaker but isn't sick. I want to move out but she depends on my help with rent and makes me feel bad if I mention it. She has a husband and she does the same to him he has to do his own laundry and cook his own meals most of the time bc she just won't do anything including shower more than once every week or 2. She did get sick a month ago and was in the hospital for a bladder infection and since she's been out it's gotten worse. I don't know what to do should I stay or should I go before she gets worse and makes our relationship suffer and me not like her.
If they depend on you for rent , they need to downsize to something they can afford .
This will only get worse as your mother is willingly causing a decline and going to need care . She assumes you are her servant .
Find a place to live ( with a roommate if needed) . Once you have it set up, tell Mom you need your own place , and you are moving out . Good Luck .
Quietly make plans to move out. She can't manipulate you if you don't tell her your intentions. You can help her find and apply for section 8 housing. She can get food stamps. If she's older than 67-1/2 she can start collecting social security and make sure she's enrolled in Medicare. She can apply for Medicaid if she starts to have health problems.
Please read the many other posts on this forum under the topic Burnout. If you saty, your resentment will just grown and your relationship will deteriorate while your struggle to retain your mental health. You must move out before things get worse.
It will be hard for a while, she will pull out all the manipulation stops but you know it is all just hot gas so ignore all of it. Just smile and redirect the conversation. If she can't be happy for your, she's a crappy Mother.
You're not responsible for her happiness. We don't get to chose our family members but we do get to chose how much we interact with them. Chose a better, healthier life for yourself. You will still be able to see your Mom if you want. And you can leave the minute she starts to manipulate you.
Also please consider some therapy so that you can identify and defend healthy boundaries. If your Mom can manipulate you, so can others. This would be a disaster for your life. I wish you all the best and peace in your heart as you seek to live a healthy, normal life.
Whether or not you choose to change your life is up to you. You're a grownup. You have made poor decisions here that have had a bad impact on both your lives. I would consider seeing a good cognitive therapist (none of that online nonsense) in the New Year to comb out what goals you have for the rest of your life. It will take great courage now to move out on your own with your own life. I wish you the very best of luck.
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